Haley+Bosco+8-Q.W.

﻿ Roosevelt Student: 8-Q.W.

Hey, Haley! I would like to commend you for guiding me to writing my first well written paper. I have improved the most on expanding my supporting characteristics on my subject. Your suggestions on what I could do better are very helpful and I will use your ideas for all of my papers that I will be writing in the near future. I think what will make things better is that we discuss my revisions via chat or telephone so that I could understand what you are trying to explain to me. Thank you so much on everything you have taught me! THIS IS MY REFLECTION
 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **

Queen Williams Hey Queen, My name is Haley and I am currently a Junior at Drake. I am originally from Chicago and love most everything about Iowa except this freezing weather! More importantly, I am studying to become an English teacher, so I am always very interested in what other people have to say and how they say it. I am very excited to be involved in this experience with you for the next few months, as I think we will both have to opportunity to learn a lot from each other (whether it be about writing or not).

I hope the dynamic of this process doesn’t seem too much like a teacher-student experience. I am pretty much here to just assist you in certain assignments of your English class and help us both understand why we write and what we can benefit from it. I know this all seems a little vague right now, but I think once we get started, ideas will start to flow and we won’t truly know what we get out of this interaction until the end. With that said, don’t ever hesitate to ask about anything. I can’t promise I will have the answers, but I look forward to working through this with you.

You can always contact me through my email, too: haley.bosco@drake.edu

I hope school is going well and you are looking forward to this as much as I am! Happy Friday!

My Best, Haley

Hello Haley, I'm very excited to getting to know you! The things that I like best about myself is that I can play 3 instruments. I can play the tuba, the trombone, and violin. I am currently learning how to play the keyboard. When I go to college, I am interested in majoring in Mathematics, Music, or French. In my spare time, I love to cook because cooking is like art to me. I like going to school, because I am given the opprotunity to learn something new every day I attended my classes. I also love to socialize with my colleages inside and outside of school.

I wouldn't say that writing is my "forte", but one of my strengths in writing is having a topic that I strongly am aware of. I would like to know how to write a strong paper on a subject that I am slightly familiar of. I believe that writing will help me in everything that I want to accomplish. For example, I'm going to need to develop strong skills for making a resume for going into college, or if I want to get a job.

I look forward to interacting with you and I appreciate the time that you're going to give to evaluate my work and give me ideas on how I can improve my writing. I get to see how my work is viewed from someone other than my teacher. I would alos like to know the cirriculum at Drake when it comes to English majoring.

I hope that school is going well for you too! Happy Friday!

Sincerely, Queen Williams

P.S. The weather lately has been a rollercoaster. It snows one day, then it's sunny. Buckle up!


 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; **171** due 01.28.11 **) **

Exploitation Exploitation is to take unfair advantage of others. Exploitation is used for your local businesses. What else can you say about exploitation as a word? What else does it mean/say/do? Some even say that What is the first thing you think of when you hear the word "Walmart"? Low prices? Convienience? Of course, Walmart can be a life saver for some when it comes to consumers trying to save money, but for a Walmart to exist, it needs a production team. Unfortunately, their benefits are descending when us, the comsumer, don't even realize it. What do they get? This is a good introduction, but how can you split the ideas up? How does Walmart relate to exploitation?

Ever since Walmart has been established, it is nortorious for exploiting thier employees for an extremely low wage. According to [|www.mindfully.org], a Walmart janitor recieved approximately $325 for a 60-hour shift without recieving overtime, which equals an hourly wage of a little under five and a half dollars. The average employee wage is $8.23/hr. Also, it is shown that women employees are paid less than men. The wages that the employees recieves are far from enough to support their families. These are good general facts and statistics, but how do they relate to exploitation? You mentioned two different elements of exploitation in the beginning paragraph - which one relates to the aspect of wage?

Walmart can also exploit their workers for the hard labor they have to encounter. Employees are assigned to work up to 10 hours per shift and they only recieve 1 break, which only lasts between 15-30 minutes. Also, some are assigned to heavy lifting, even when they notify their supervisior about their physical abilites. Walmart has been sued countless times for causing injuries to their workers. All of the work is done just for a little more than minimum wage. How can you justify this being unfair? The executives of walmart may think otherwise. What more can you say to affirm the belief that this is exploitation?

Now that you've seen the hidden secrets of Walmart, what do you think of it now? The master of exploitation.

Queen, you have a really nice base here. You seem to grasp the central idea of what exploitation means, but I think you can expand and articulate more about some of your points. How can you relate the employment of walmart, and the inequalities that exist within it, back to exploitation? More expansion on your examples will really drive it home. I look forward to talking to you more about the organization and grammatical structure of this as well. Good start.

Exploitation In the dictionary, exploitation is defined to use for profit or to use unfairly Use what? . Exploitation can be used in TV commercials, television, radio, and music videos. Believe it or not, exlpoitation is used in local businesses. Walmart is a national public corporation that runs a chain of large, discount stores. It was named the largest public corporation in the world by Fortune Gobal in 2008. Low prices and convienience is the typical thing to be thought when Walmart is mentioned by the average consumer. In order for Walmart to function, it needs a foundation.Unfortuately, their benefits are disregardig ( Try a different word here) when us, the consumer, doesn't even realize it. Many of Walmart's products are derived from exploited workers that work for less than minimum wage in an unsafe environment with agonizing hours. What do they get?
 * Revision - Definition  ( ****RHS** due 01.31.11; **171** due 02.01.11 **). **

Ever since Walmart has been established, it is notoriousfor exploiting their employees for less than minimum wage. A Walmart janitor recieves approximately $325 for a 60-hour shift without recieving overtime, which equals an hourly wage of a little less than five and a half dollars. ([|www.mindfully.org]). The average Walmart employee wage is $8.23/hr. It was also shown that women were paid less than men. In fact, New York Times made a article about how Walmart has been sued multiple times for sex discrimination. ( []) This shows that Walmart exploits women employees to a greater extent.

Not only for discrimination, but for long-term physical damage that Walmart has been prosecuted for. They are known for using their employees for participating in agonizing labor for extremely long hours.Some are aquired to do heavy lifting, even when they notify thier supervisor about their limited physical abilities. In the summer of 1998, Wal-Mart employee Winifred Snider was on an 18-foot ladder arranging boxes of shower curtains when a box gave way. "I fell backward and straight to the concrete floor," she recalls. Her wrist was broken in two places. Once the cast came off Snider's arm, doctors saw that her wrist was swollen, her skin shiny and cold, the hair standing on end. Snider was the unfortunate victim of a rare and bizarre disorder known as "reflex sympathetic dystrophy," in which the body, in a sense, disowns a traumatized limb. A host of doctors examined her, including specialists at the UW and Harborview. They all expressed alarm at her condition. "She had the worst case of RSD I've ever seen," says Dr. David Drobnicki, a rehabilitation expert in Bellingham. Drobnicki attempted to get Snider into an aggressive therapy program at the UW Pain Clinic to try to restore function to her arm and alleviate the intense pain. It would have required overnight stays and daylong treatments, and likely would have cost in the range of $17,000, Drobnicki says. But, for weeks, Wal-Mart refused to authorize this treatment. This shows that Walmart won't reemberce their employees after spending hours doing torturing activities just to satisfy the average consumer. ([])

Thanks to exploitation, Walmart is the perpretrator for long term physical damages, poverty, and possibly the country's financial crisis.

P.S. I apologize for my lateness, I suffered an internet disconnection on my street due to the severe snow weather.

Queen, you have really developed this piece further and it's really starting to come together. Your ideas about Walmart and exploitation tie together much better now. The conclusion could be stronger if you expand on each idea more (physical damages, poverty, and financial crisis). You give examples throughout the piece, but if you make a statement about each element at the end tied to exploitation, the reader will get a final sense of your basic argument. Good job.


 * FINAL - Definition ( ****RHS** due 02.02.11; **171** due 02.04.11 **) **

Exploitation

In the dictionary, exploitation is defined to use for profit or to use objects, cooperations, or even people unfairly. Exploitation can be used in TV commercials, television, radio, and music videos. Believe it or not, exlpoitation is used in local businesses. Walmart is a national public corporation that runs a chain of large, discount stores. It was named the largest public corporation in the world by Fortune Gobal in 2008. Low prices and convienience is the typical thing to be thought when Walmart is mentioned by the average consumer. In order for Walmart to function, it needs a foundation.Unfortuately, their benefits are being overlooked when us, the consumer, doesn't even realize it. Many of Walmart's products are derived from exploited workers that work for less than minimum wage in an unsafe environment with agonizing hours. What do they get?

Ever since Walmart has been established, it is notoriousfor exploiting their employees for less than minimum wage. A Walmart janitor recieves approximately $325 for a 60-hour shift without recieving overtime, which equals an hourly wage of a little less than five and a half dollars. ([|www.mindfully.org]). The average Walmart employee wage is $8.23/hr. It was also shown that women were paid less than men. In fact, New York Times made a article about how Walmart has been sued multiple times for sex discrimination. ( []) This shows that Walmart exploits women employees to a greater extent. This shows that even though that women today have the right to vote and get a job, they cannot be rewarded for the equal amount, if not more work they have done to support themselves or their loved ones.

Not only for discrimination, but for long-term physical damage that Walmart has been prosecuted for. They are known for using their employees for participating in agonizing labor for extremely long hours.Some are aquired to do heavy lifting, even when they notify thier supervisor about their limited physical abilities. In the summer of 1998, Wal-Mart employee Winifred Snider was on an 18-foot ladder arranging boxes of shower curtains when a box gave way. "I fell backward and straight to the concrete floor," she recalls. Her wrist was broken in two places. Once the cast came off Snider's arm, doctors saw that her wrist was swollen, her skin shiny and cold, the hair standing on end. Snider was the unfortunate victim of a rare and bizarre disorder known as "reflex sympathetic dystrophy," in which the body, in a sense, disowns a traumatized limb. A host of doctors examined her, including specialists at the UW and Harborview. They all expressed alarm at her condition. "She had the worst case of RSD I've ever seen," says Dr. David Drobnicki, a rehabilitation expert in Bellingham. Drobnicki attempted to get Snider into an aggressive therapy program at the UW Pain Clinic to try to restore function to her arm and alleviate the intense pain. It would have required overnight stays and daylong treatments, and likely would have cost in the range of $17,000, Drobnicki says. But, for weeks, Wal-Mart refused to authorize this treatment. This shows that Walmart won't reemberce their employees after spending hours doing torturing activities just to satisfy the average consumer. ([]) This shows that Walmart takes physical advantage of their employees without the worry of trying to compensate them when they are in desperate need to make money.

Thanks to exploitation, Walmart is the perpretrator for long term physical damages, poverty, and possibly the country's financial crisis. This company is notorious for taking advantage of one's physical and possibly emotional and mental being for it's own personal gain. Just to make sure that it makes the most money in the world.


 * REFLECTION #1 ****( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.08.11; **171** due 02.11.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Queen, your overall interpretation of exploitation is very concise. I can see how you started to narrow your focus on the most essential ideas by your final product. This assignment seemed to be more self-facilitative than teacher-directed, which means you were able to create your own ideas and make it personal and unique. With these kinds of opportunities, your own voice and opinion are really appreciated. In the introduction, you showed more of a personal stance than the rest. You had great ideas and I think with more of your voice than statistics, you can really develop an original piece. For future assignments, I would suggest creating an outline before you start. It doesn't need to be terribly formal - just something to help you organize your thoughts and see what points you can expand on and which ones maybe don't fit quite right. For a cleaner piece, you could also play around with foot/end notes when applying citations. I really enjoyed seeing your progress and look forward to more of your work! **
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">HB **

This is just an outline of what I want to do for my classification/division of exploitation
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; **171** due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Exploitiation- to take advantage of things unfairly Music Videos- How they exploit women? Ads- Going to the extreme to sell products? For example, Axe spray will get girls going all over you? Any other ideas?

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">As stated before, exploitation is defined as to use things for profit, or to use things unfairly <span style="color: #2600ff; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">(can you define "things" better?) <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">. Exploitation is used in businesses, media, and the society we live today. There are different types of exploitaton. Some can possibly effect people differently than others. Exploitation can impact people in a posivite or negative way. It just all depends on what the situation is on a person <span style="color: #2600ff; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">(can you be more specific with this? positive/negative is still general. You can make stronger claims by getting rid of the 'unsure/balanced voice').
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; **171** due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

__**Business**__ __**Social**__
 * __<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Media __**
 * Nowadays, there is a lot of pressure in this generation about being cool and trendy. For guys, they want to be completely irresisstable to girls. That usually results in a build of confidence (by doing what?) . In music videos, the girls were often used as a symbol of the sexual slang term "getting some." (try to explain this terminology further. It seems like slang and needs more support and explanation to your topic). The girls in those music videos were forced to wear exposing clothing in order to earn camera time in the videos. In fact, there was a 2005 documentary called "Confessions of a Video Vixen", that tells about the perspective of music video women being labeled as sexual objects and how it can emotionally be stressful. Especially when they had to do whatever to earn the money they need to support theirselves or their loved ones. (this is a good example to use, but it needs more connection to your ideas at the beginning - helping to tie it together). **
 * Living in this economic struggle, it can be extremely difficult to find a job that will pay enough to support one's family. Some people are so desperate for jobs, that they would risk their emotional and physical beings (well-beings?) to earn that "x" amount of dollars per hour. For example, like sated in the definition paper, the average Wal-mart employee recieves $8.23/hr. As a result, some people have to work as long as 12 hours a day just for that job, because there is a possiblility that they could have one or two more jobs. This shows that Wal-mart exploits their employees just for profit.** (I understand where you are trying to go with this, but the idea seems incomplete. You have only set up the pay-rates/hours that people work but have not explained why this is exploitation. Do workers not want a lot of hours? Is this too tiring? Should they be paid more for this particular company?)
 * For social, I was thinking of using prostetution for one of them, but I am not completely sure if that would be a form of exploitation. Can you help me with ths and a strong conclusion? thanks. :)**
 * Queen Williams**
 * Queen - your classifications make sense and you have done a good job providing details for each one. I would suggest adding a bit more about how the specific details you described relate to the idea of exploitation. Maybe think of a good concluding sentence at the end - not necessarily generalizing what you just said, but stating an original concluding statement. For 'Social', if you want to use prostitution and still keep it in good taste, you could explain gender roles or age/cultural/race roles and how people have certain perks (woman might be able to get a job if she is more attractive). Your conclusion can work on tying all three classifications together. State a major claim about each one and maybe give a general effect of exploitation on people universally. **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; **171** due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">As stated before, exploitation is defined as to use things for profit, or to be used unfairly. Exploitation is used in businesses, media, and the society we live today. There are different types of exploitaton. Some can possibly effect people differently than others. Exploitation can impact people in a posivite or negative way. It just all depends on what the situation is on a person. For some, it could mean that they gain profits, self-confidence, or a higher social status. Also, it could mean that one loses self-confidence, profit, self-respect, or even lower social status.


 * __<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Media __**
 * Nowadays, there is a lot of pressure in this generation about being cool and trendy. For guys, they want to be completely irresisstable to girls. That usually results in a build of confidence by attempting the viewer that they would become a better person if they could sing. In music videos, the girls were often used as a symbol of the sexual slang term "getting some.". This usually means that if males had a nice car, money, and more charisma, they have a higher chance of hooking up with a girl. Girls in those music videos were forced to wear exposing clothing in order to earn camera time in the videos. In fact, there was a 2005 documentary called "Confessions of a Video Vixen", that tells about the perspective of music video women being labeled as sexual objects and how it can emotionally be stressful. Especially when they had to do whatever to earn the money they need to support theirselves or their loved ones. ﻿For these women, they are used to make the males look like the dominant gender. **

__**Business**__ __**Social**__
 * Living in this economic struggle, it can be extremely difficult to find a job that will pay enough to support one's family. Some people are so desperate for jobs, that they would risk their well-beings to earn that "x" amount of dollars per hour. For example, like sated in the definition paper, the average Wal-mart employee recieves $8.23/hr. As a result, some people have to work as long as 12 hours a day just for that job, because there is a possiblility that they could have one or two more jobs. This shows that Wal-mart exploits their employees just for profit. Even though it may seem ridiculous, but some of these employees have no choice because they might have not been able to afford a better education for a well-paid job. I don't think an employee would want to spend as long as 10 hours putting their physical health in jeopardy and only to earn 1 30 minute break and minimum wage. This shows that Wal-mart exploits their employees' to have the company gain more profit.**
 * Ever since history has started, minorities and women were given limited rights. Before World War I, women weren't allowed all of the rights, even though they had to work around the house by being a full time care taker for their children. When the men were sent off to the War, they were given new responsibilites, such as being factory workers so that they can financially support the family while their husband is away. After the war ended, they were finally given that right to vote. This shows that exploitation can end on a positive note, such as the 18th Amendment.**
 * Businesses, the media, and the society we live in have one thing in common. They all use exploitation one way or another whether one is trying to gain confidence, a right, or even better one's self financially.**
 * Queen, I like your different classifications of exploitation, and your developed thoughts are intriguing. I still see a bit of generalization going on. Phrases like "since history has started" identify a very large span of time. Also, in your introduction paragraph, it seems like you were still bouncing between ideas when you state that exploitation affects a lot of people in different ways depending on the situation. To make a more clear, solid argument, try sticking with just one claim and using that throughout. I know narrowing in is a difficult habit to acquire, but it will be really helpful for future papers! I think you have really interesting ideas that have a lot of substance. I look forward to your next piece! **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; **171** due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

For children, they don't realize how important it is for them to recieve the best education. But for parents, it is extremely crucial, because they want to see their children succeed by going to college and living (the best education for children or do children believe that "one" needs the best education?). But what is the best way to give it to them? Should they be taught every subject in one day? Or should they be taught a few for a longer period of time for every subject? (could these be asked in a non-question format?) This year was the first year for Roosevelt High School to begin block sheduling, and ever since, it has shown some negative effects for both the student body and the facilty. Before block scheduling, the academic standards weren't decreasing (were they stabilized), so I think that Roosevelt should go back to regular scheduling with 8 classes a day (think about how the reader might/might not consider your opinion to be superior to his or hers). In order for a school to function, it must contain effcient facilty that can have the abilitly to teach their students without to much hassle (the faculty doesnt want "hassle" or the student should be given too much "hassle" ?). " I believe that students are going to have the most trouble in mathematics and foreign language, because in order to master those subjects, one must be able to constantly practice (what are you implying with "practice?". Do we practice in writing and science too?) ." This was stated by Gene Lynch,a Roosevelt staff member who has been teaching mathematics for about 20 years, and he feels that block scheduling can be both beneficial and hazardous to the students' academic abilities (you have only explained the hazards here, so is this the appropriate quote?).
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; **171** due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

- I have more reasons, but I would like to know how I can easily pull the reader in???? Help! :( Hi Queen, I apologize for my tardy response! I see you have completely changed your subject from your original essays. This can sometimes pose issues in terms of development, or it can create an entirely new slate for new ideas and approaches that were not used in the past. I hope we can work through it together. "Pulling in a reader" cannot always be done "easily" like you want. However, using some good examples and strong points will definitely help. In order to understand the negative effects of something, the reader first has to know what that "something" is. Try to explain what block scheduling is instead of implying it through questions. You could start off with a reason or two why you think the school changed to block scheduling (so you are complimenting the change to begin with) and then argue your own claim. Also, when explaining something the way you think, you don't necessarily have to use "I believe" or "I think". If you are writing it, we know it is your own voice - unless you use quotes. You added in a citation from another teacher's perspective, but I'm not sure it really contributes to your argument - which is the topic of the paper. Could you interview or question someone from your school about the new practice of block scheduling? Who is someone you know is against it? It could even be a student. Using interesting quotes will help along with explanation of what you are arguing. Good luck and let me know if you have any questions!

H

Hey, Haley! Sorry for my tardiness! I've been going through a lot of stuff that shouldn't.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.05.11; **171** due 04.08.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

For children, they don't realize how important it is for them to recieve the best education. But for parents, it is extremely crucial, because they want to see their children succeed by going to college and living a better life than they did. (so children think that children should have the best education? What do adults think?). Children are better learning through being instructed every subject every day, because it gives them a routine which they can be instructed throughout every subject such as english, mathematics, arts, and science. (what benefits come from this? are there people who think otherwise?). Others are higher achievers if they are taught a few subjects for a longer period of time, because at one subject at a time, they are able to become more in depth and have the time to ask questions. (are you saying that higher achievers are worse off?). The spring of 2009, Roosevelt facilty were notified that they would be going under blocked scheduling. Block scheduling is a type of academic scheduling in which each student has fewer classes per day for a longer period of time. Roosevelt High School was one of the last Des Moines schools that would be going under the schedule, because the schedule used to be 8 classes a day for 50 minutes per class. In the block scheduling, there are 4 classes a day, for 90 minutes per class, except for Wednesdays, which were 60 minutes per class due to early dismissal. Ever since the year started, both the facilty and the student body have given some quite colorful feedback. All in all, block scheduling should be discontinued, because it causes problems for the students and staff (I like that you have described block scheduling here, but do you think it can be simplified. It seems that the idea is to explain why it should be discontinued, not necessarily what it is. If you give the reader a brief explanation of what it is, you can have more space to argue your points).

Ever since block scheduling was used for Roosevelt, students have had some good and bad things to say about the block scheduling. "Some students don't like the block schedule, because they hate sitting in a class for an hour and a half. Especially when it's a class that the student has trouble paying attention to. Plus, this gives another good reason that more and more students are choosing to skip their classes." This was stated by Jasmyn Richardson, who is currently a senior who is getting ready to graduate this May. "The thing that I find beneficial about it is that we are given more time to ask questions to do our homework", says junior Katie Frye, "Also, we get to get out ealry every Wednesday, which means having more time to do homework, and seeing my friends."

It is up to the teachers to give their kids a good education. But if they aren't able to effieciently accomplish that, it could cause strain to their job. "Some subjects are meant to be taught every day", says Mathematics teacher Gene Lynch, who has been teaching for his 21st year, "but I believe that now students are having the most trouble in math and foreign language, because in order to master the subjects, one must use repeated practice". Even though the block scheduling is currently benificial to the Band Department because band is everyday instead of every other day, many parents and staff feel that the students should focus on the core classes such as foreign language, science, and english.

I believe that block scheduling should be discontinued, because it seems like the academic standards have gone down, because students are unable to memorize what would be on their tests. For example, if today was Friday, and the test was not until Tuesday, they would have a more difficult time remembering and asking for teachers' assistance, because they don't want to be looked upon as the "stupid kid". Even though it gives teachers more time to prepare for their classes, students should be taught every subject everyday.

Queen, I like that you have expanded your explanation about block scheduling, but I fear that you have lost some other essential points in the piece. For an argument paper, you should try to make a solid claim that can be argued from another point of view. I know I said before that you should explain what block scheduling is, but facts can not necessarily be argued much. I like the quotes that you used, but by the end of the paper, I am still unsure what side you are on. It's good to present the argument from both sides, but in order to make a personal argument, you should try to support one side over the other. When you say that you "believe block scheduling should be discontinued because it seems like the academic standards have gone down," THAT is an argument! Expand on that. Also expand on why students should be taught every subject everyday, because it was mentioned in the first paragraph too, but I don't think you really got into why you think so.

Sorry if this is a lot, I think I can better explain myself in person. We can work through it together. I think you have a really intriguing opinion, we just need to put it in the spotlight! See you soon,

HB


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (2) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.13.11; **171** due 04.15.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

For children, they don't realize how important it is for them to recieve the best education (Im still not sure if this sentence is working. Try to simply say "children don't realize how important it is to recieve the best eduction - is this what you are trying to say? Sorry I didn't explain myself better in our meeting!) . But for parents, it is extremely crucial, because they want to see their children succeed by going to college and living a better life than they did. Children are better learning ("learn better"?) through being instructed every subject every day, because it gives them a routine which they can be instructed throughout every subject such as english, mathematics, arts, and science. Others are higher achievers if they are taught a few subjects for a longer period of time, because at one subject at a time, they are able to become more in depth (can people become "more in depth" ?) and have the time to ask questions (so, is this a bad thing?) .The spring of 2009, Roosevelt facilty were notified that they would be going under blocked scheduling. Block scheduling is a type of academic scheduling in which each student has fewer classes per day for a longer period of time. Roosevelt High School was one of the last Des Moines schools that would be going under the schedule, because the schedule used to be 8 classes a day for 50 minutes per class. In the block scheduling, there are 4 classes a day, for 90 minutes per class, except for Wednesdays, which were 60 minutes per class due to early dismissal. Ever since the year started, both the facilty and the student body have given some quite colorful feedback. All in all, block scheduling should be discontinued, because it causes problems for the students and staff.

Ever since block scheduling was used for Roosevelt, students have had some good and bad things to say about the block scheduling. "Some students don't like the block schedule, because they hate sitting in a class for an hour and a half. Especially when it's a class that the student has trouble paying attention to. Plus, this gives another good reason that more and more students are choosing to skip their classes." This was stated by Jasmyn Richardson, who is currently a senior who is getting ready to graduate this May. "The thing that I find beneficial about it is that we are given more time to ask questions to do our homework", says junior Katie Frye, "Also, we get to get out ealry every Wednesday, which means having more time to do homework, and seeing my friends."

It is up to the teachers to give their kids a good education. But if they aren't able to effieciently accomplish that, it could cause strain to their job. "Some subjects are meant to be taught every day", says Mathematics teacher Gene Lynch, who has been teaching for his 21st year, "but I believe that now students are having the most trouble in math and foreign language, because in order to master the subjects, one must use repeated practice". Even though the block scheduling is currently benificial to the Band Department because band is everyday instead of every other day, many parents and staff feel that the students should focus on the core classes such as foreign language, science, and english.

I believe that block scheduling should be discontinued, because it seems like the academic standards have gone down, because students are unable to memorize what would be on their tests. For example, if today was Friday, and the test was not until Tuesday, they would have a more difficult time remembering and asking for teachers' assistance, because they don't want to be looked upon as the "stupid kid". Even though it gives teachers more time to prepare for their classes, students should be taught every subject everyday.

Queen, I can see where you are making improvements with your argument. I like that you have narrowed your definition of block scheduling, but I think you can still make it even more concise. Maybe just say that " Block scheduling is a type of academic scheduling in which each student has fewer classes per day for a longer period of time." The reader doesn't necessarily need to know the minutes and daily schedule of the block system - this doesn't really contribute to the argument. You can state what it is and then argue that main point. The last few paragraphs have some good evidence but you are still balancing the playing field here - you give one quote from each side without much commenting on it, so the reader doesn't know which side you are taking because you give each side a fair chance at being argued. Don't be afraid to rip the "bad" side apart! We want to persuade the reader! You have a really good message in your concluding paragraph. Maybe if you mention one of those points in your first paragraph, it will give more structure to your argument - by that I mean, you mention your point, argue it, and then remind the reader at the end how you just convinced them of it! I am really intrigued by the arguments you have made, let me know if you have any questions!

Haley


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; **171** due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) <span style="color: #0000ff; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">﻿ **