Josanna+Berg+Hammond+6-C.L.

Roosevelt Student: 6-C.L. I feel like I improved the most on clarification and also sticking to my personal voice. What helped me the most having a drake partner was that I could have someone not too far off in age yet also experienced in writing critique and help me through the process of writing and editing a paper to better my work. I think I need the most help improving on my editing skills even more so, I feel that although I read through, I need to read through with an even more keen eye for mistakes and typos I may have made. Thank you Josie for really understanding the purpose and idea of my paper and trying to help me better express what I was trying to convey to tbe reader. P.s I have my final done now it is having issues posting!!! Just my luck, but it's in the process and should be on there by today:) thanks you so much for your corrections, they were very helpful:)

Hey, Claire! My name is Josie and I’m a senior English major at Drake. I started out as a business major then went to marketing. After a short stint with advertising I finally ended up with English. I hope to go into public relations once I graduate, but we'll see how that goes. I loved my English courses in high school and had some awesome teachers that introduced me to a lot of different types of writing and literature. This collaboration seems like a great idea and I’m excited to get started. If you have any questions from here on out, feel free to email me at Josanna.berghammond@drake.edu. I look forward to working with you this semester! My best, Josie
 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **

Hey Josie!:) Nice to meet you! Its really cool that you are an English major because that is something I'm interested in for my future in college. Im a junior at Roosevelt. I also love my English courses here, and Im sooo excited to be in A.P. Lit. next year because one thing I love doing is reading an analyzing great novels. This is going to be a really busy semester because Im playing soccer and running track! Soccer has always been a passion of mine, I'm looking forward to being busy with homework and sports because I dont like being bored! I work at American Eagle (p.s. I can get you a discount! lol) So back to the important stuff! Although I love writing, and within my lifetime I hope to write a book I have a long way to go! When I'm writing I feel like Im good with showing my voice and the overall tone. I also enjoy word choice! I'm so obsessed with being able to fluently speak, and express myself through strong word choice. Things I need to work on are understanding the purpose of types of writing that we will do this semester, my thesis and restating it. I always have trouble making a conclusion amazing! I get so jealous of awesome conclusions!! In the future I want to attend college and get a psych degree, english and I would love to get a law degree of some sort. I am really excited to work with you this semester, I think that your input will mean a lot to my writing and my future in english! Having your help could really help shape my future in writing and help my technique. Thanks for participating in this fun project I hope that it will be a double wammy, where you'll will be helping me but also I am helping you in some way! :) Thanks, Claire What does true happiness mean to an individual? Is it a feeling of prodigious joy, wellbeing, content? Well yes, that could be the exterior definition, but what does it actually mean to grasp the idea of happiness. How does someone define happiness when in truth a person isn’t truly happy unless they feel sorrows, regrets, hopes and failures? Without a wide range of emotional feelings and events causing trauma or stress in a person’s living experience, there wouldn’t be happiness. The general feeling of wellbeing is created from a self-confidence and faith in oneself. Having these two detrimental qualities will cause a person to constantly keep up with themselves to keep their own self-worth in check. Happiness is defined by each individuals own experience, and their personal opinion of what it means to feel happy to them. When seeing a person walking by on the street in a big city, San Francisco, a smile illuminating across their face, the wrinkles show on the sides of their eyes sure to become crow’s feet on the young woman’s face when she gains age. Her appearance clearly shows happiness, she walks quickly by you on her way to what is supposed to be her dream job, but what the onlooker does not know is what this person is feeling on the inside. Happiness is like a secret that only each individual person can define for themselves. This woman although clearly showing the exterior physical looks to portray a content person may not even be feeling happy to the slightest, but that is why it is a secret. With this secret emotion come great responsibilities such as giving some of the wellbeing to others that desperately need it. When a person is happy with themselves, they can give so much away, their time, patience and love. But sometimes people do moral acts out of regrets and sorrows, but without these feelings this person wouldn’t be trying to do good for others which will usually end up making them happy again. Coming or transforming from different emotions, happiness can begin with a state of trauma or stress which can turn into a joyous experience. When a pregnant mother’s water breaks, imagine the stress she feels, yet relief that it finally happened. Her husband hopefully alongside her takes her on a stressful journey to the hospital, where a doctor has to deliver a human being into the world. The doctor has a great weight on his or her shoulders and that will cause anxiety. The anxiety will make him perform as best as he can, and when that newborn baby boy enters the mothers arms the doctor feels relieved yet so happy for having given this women her baby safe and sound. The women having gone through stress and pain is now in a state of wellbeing with her son who she can have for the rest of her life to love. Through this experience happiness was found from stress, love and trauma. As many people say only good will come from bad. Happiness is too vast a concept to literally define; it can only be felt and known by the holder of the feeling. Living a new day each day can be filled with experiences, both good and bad, but just because they are bad doesn’t mean happiness won’t derive from them. It takes a person with strong faith in themselves to allow this feeling to overcome them. Becoming a stronger person and having more faith in oneself only comes from sadness, loneliness, laughter and experiences. Each person has so much of themselves to offer to others and they squander their opportunities through selfishness, not realizing greed will never bring true happiness.
 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; **171** due 01.28.11**)**

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I think this is a great first draft. You definitely have writing skills and I can see your love for vocabulary (nice use of prodigious!). For grammar and style, my suggestion would be to look at your sentence structure. You might find some longer sentences can be broken into two for more impact and a clearer message. Other than that, it was very well written.======

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As far as your message, I think you had an interesting topic idea. You argue that happiness is impossible to define because it’s different for every person. I got these three points out of your essay:======

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3) You explain, “without these feelings this person wouldn’t be trying to do good for others which will usually end up making them happy again.” I think that’s a great insight into the ways in which we try to help others to feel good about ourselves – I’d love to see you expand on that and how it defines true happiness. ======

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In your concluding paragraph, you write, “they squander their opportunities through selfishness, not realizing greed will never bring true happiness.” You might be bringing a new argument into the mix there so I would think about expanding on that to make it part of the body of the essay or tailoring your conclusion around so it flows better with the rest of your argument.======

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I know that’s a lot to throw at you, but I thought I’d just give you a lot to think about and you can pick and choose from there. Altogether, you have a solid beginning to a paper. Focus on clarifying your argument and make sure you stick to the theme of definition throughout your essay.======

Josie



 * Revision - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.31.11; **171** due 02.01.11 **) **

Hi, Claire,

How's your revision coming along? Please try to get it posted soon and feel free to email me (josanna.berghammond@drake.edu) if you have any questions/concerns.

Josie Hey Josie, I was out sick today and I havent been feeling really well. I dont have access to a \computer unless I can get to school, but my dad just got back from a work trip and now I can finally post my revision. I made a few minor changes, to my conclusion and reworded a few things. I'm going to revise even more tonight an post my final draft by tomorrow morning. Thank you! :) and Sorry about the trouble:/

Happiness By Claire Lamberto What does true happiness mean to an individual? Is it a feeling of prodigious joy, wellbeing, content? Well yes, that could be the exterior definition, but what does it actually mean to grasp the idea of happiness. How does someone define happiness when in truth a person isn’t truly happy unless they feel sorrows, regrets, hopes and failures? Without a wide range of emotional feelings and events causing trauma or stress in a person’s living experience, there wouldn’t be happiness. The general feeling of wellbeing is created from a self-confidence and faith in oneself. Having these two detrimental qualities will cause a person to constantly keep up with themselves to keep their own self-worth in check. Happiness is defined by each individuals own experience, and their personal opinion of what it means to feel happy to them. A young women walks breezily by on a busy street in San Francisco, a smile illuminating across their face, the wrinkles show on the sides of their eyes sure to become crow’s feet on her face when she gains age. Her appearance clearly showing happiness, she walks quickly by you on her way to what is supposed to be her dream job, but what the onlooker does not know is what this person is feeling on the inside. Happiness is like a secret that only each individual person can define for themselves. This woman although clearly showing the exterior physical looks to portray a content person may not even be feeling happy to the slightest, but that is why the idea of happiness is a secret. With this secret emotion come great responsibilities such as giving some of the wellbeing to others that desperately need it. When a person is happy with themselves, they can give so much away, their time, patience and love. But sometimes people do moral acts out of regrets and sorrows, but without these feelings this person wouldn’t be trying to do good for others which will usually end up making them happy again. Coming or transforming from different emotions, happiness can begin with a state of trauma or stress which can turn into a joyous experience. When a pregnant mother’s water breaks, imagine the stress she feels, yet relief that it finally happened. Her husband hopefully alongside her takes her on a stressful journey to the hospital, where a doctor has to deliver a human being into the world. The doctor has a great weight on his or her shoulders and that will cause anxiety. The anxiety will make him perform as best as he can, and when that newborn baby boy enters the mother’s arms the doctor feels relieved yet so happy for having given this women her baby safe and sound. The women having gone through stress and pain is now in a state of wellbeing with her son who she can have for the rest of her life to love. Through this experience happiness was found from stress, love and trauma. As many people say only good will come from bad. Happiness is too vast a concept to literally define; it can only be discovered and felt by the holder of the feeling. Living a new day each day can be filled with experiences, both good and bad, but just because they are bad doesn’t mean happiness won’t derive from them. It takes a person with strong faith in themselves to allow these feeling to overcome them. Becoming a stronger person and having more faith in oneself only comes from sadness, loneliness, laughter and experiences. From all the processes of living, that is how a person becomes truly happy.

-Claire I made a few extra changes just now, and I realized that I wanted to ask as how I should define my own happiness? My paper is basically my opinion of the deffinition of happiness so I dont know how. But I made some extra changes and theres more to come by tomorrow morning.

** Happiness ** By Claire Lamberto What does true happiness mean to an individual? Is it a feeling of prodigious joy, wellbeing, content? Well yes, that could be the exterior definition, but what does it actually mean to grasp the idea of happiness. How does someone define happiness when in truth a person isn’t truly happy unless they feel sorrows, regrets, hopes and failures? Without a wide range of emotional feelings and events causing trauma or stress in a person’s living experience, there wouldn’t be happiness. The general feeling of wellbeing is created from a self-confidence and faith in oneself. Having these two detrimental qualities will cause a person to constantly keep up with themselves in order to solidify their own self-worth. Happiness is defined by each individuals own experience. Their personal opinion of what it feel like to be truly happy is how they will define it for themselves.
 * Hey, Claire! **
 * Thanks for getting this in. No worries on it being late, I just wanted to make sure you remembered. I hope you're feeling better. I'm going to type my comments right into your revision so they're easier to follow. They'll also be in purple. **

A young women walks breezily by on a busy street in San Francisco, a smile illuminating across her face, the wrinkles show on the sides of her eyes sure to become crow’s feet on her face when she gains age. Her appearance clearly showing happiness, she walks quickly by you on her way to what is supposed to be her dream job. What the onlooker does not know is what this person is feeling on the inside. Happiness is like a secret that only each individual person can define for themselves. **Good. This is clearly stating what your argument is.** The woman clearly showing the exterior physical looks to portray a content person may very well not be feeling happy at all. That is why the idea of happiness is a secret. **Does referring to true happiness as a secret mean it's something you don't want to share? It's internal, but is it secret?** With this secret emotion come great responsibilities such as giving some of the wellbeing to others that desperately need it. When a person is happy with themselves, they can give so much away, their time, patience and love. But sometimes people do moral acts out of regrets and sorrows, but without these feelings this person wouldn’t be trying to do good for others which will usually end up making them happy again. **These last two sentences are a bit unclear. Make sure you stick to your arguments - I think you might be branching into two here.**

Transforming from different emotions, happiness can begin with a state of trauma or stress which can turn into a joyous experience. When a pregnant mother’s water breaks, imagine the stress she feels, yet relief that it finally happened. Her husband, hopefully alongside her, takes her on a stressful journey to the hospital, where a doctor has to deliver a human being into the world. The doctor has a great weight on his or her shoulders, causing anxiety. The anxiety will make him perform his best and when that newborn baby boy enters the mother’s arms, the doctor feels relieved yet so happy for having given the women her baby safe and sound. The women having gone through stress and pain is now in a state of wellbeing with her son, who she can have for the rest of her life to love. Through this experience happiness was found from stress, love and trauma. As many people say only good will come from bad. Happiness is too vast a concept to literally define; it can only be discovered and felt by the holder of the feeling. Living a new day each day can be filled with capricious experiences, both good and bad, but just because they are bad doesn’t mean happiness won’t derive from them. It takes a person with strong faith in themselves to allow these feeling to overcome them.

Becoming a stronger person and having more faith in oneself only **Does "only" narrow your definition of happiness?** comes from sadness, loneliness, laughter and experiences. From all the processes of living, that is how a person becomes truly happy. **Did I make this into a separate paragraph or did you? Either way, I like it. I think this gives a nice succinct end. Make sure it's worded exactly the way you want it to be so you leave the reader with a strong statement.**

p.s. Sorry for getting this to you a day late, I hope it didn't cause you any issues in your class. ** No issues at all! ** Thank you:)

**Claire,**

**I think you made some great edits this time around. Make sure you proofread for some typos/grammatical errors. I find it really helpful to read an essay out loud to catch any oddly worded sentences or typos. It just takes a few minutes and it really helps.** **This paper is really coming along. The examples you use are great to help explain an abstract subject. What might be helpful is to look at your first paragraph and make sure your thesis is clear and that you agree with it (or that you can write like you agree with it). Once you are positive about your main message, it's easy to make sure the rest of your essay furthers that argument.** **Overall, great work. Please email me if you have any questions, otherwise I'll be looking for your final draft!**

**Have a good weekend and feel better,** **Josie**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Definition ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.02.11; **171** due 02.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

<span style="display: block; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">Happiness <span style="display: block; font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">By Claire Lamberto <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; text-indent: 0.5in;">What does true happiness mean to an individual? Is it a feeling of prodigious joy, wellbeing, content? Well yes, that could be the exterior definition, but what does it actually mean to grasp the idea of happiness. How does someone define happiness when in truth a person isn’t truly happy unless they feel sorrows, regrets, hopes and failures? Without a wide range of emotional feelings and events causing trauma or stress in a person’s living experience, there wouldn’t be happiness. The general feeling of wellbeing is created from a self-confidence and faith in oneself. Having these two detrimental qualities will cause a person to constantly keep up with themselves in order to solidify their own self-worth. Happiness can be defined by each individuals own experience. Their personal opinion of what it feels like to be truly happy is how they will define it for themselves. <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">A young women walks breezily by on a busy street in San Francisco, a smile illuminating across her face, the wrinkles show on the sides of her eyes sure to become crow’s feet on her face when she gains age. Her appearance clearly showing happiness, she walks quickly by you on her way to what is supposed to be her dream job. What the onlooker does not know is what this person is feeling on the inside. Happiness is like a secret that only each individual person can define for themselves. The woman clearly showing the exterior physical looks to portray a content person may very well not be feeling happy at all. That is why the idea of happiness is a secret, which can be revealed to or kept to oneself depending on the individual. With this secret emotion come great responsibilities such as giving some of the wellbeing to others that desperately need it. When a person is happy with themselves, they can give so much away like their time, patience and love. <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; text-indent: 0.5in;">Transforming from different emotions, happiness can begin with a state of trauma or stress which can turn into a joyous experience. When a pregnant mother’s water breaks, imagine the stress she feels, yet relief that it has finally happened. Her husband, hopefully alongside her, takes her on a stressful journey to the hospital, where a doctor has to deliver a human being into the world. The doctor has a great weight on his or her shoulders, causing anxiety. The anxiety will make him perform his best and when that newborn baby boy enters the mother’s arms, the doctor feels relieved yet so happy for having given the women her baby safe and sound. The women having gone through stress and pain is now in a state of wellbeing with her son, who she can have for the rest of her life to love. Through this experience happiness was found from stress, love and trauma. As many people say only good will come from bad. <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">Happiness is too vast a concept to literally define; it can only be discovered and felt by the holder of the feeling. Living a new day each day can be filled with capricious experiences, both good and bad, but just because they are bad doesn’t mean happiness won’t derive from them. It takes a person with strong faith in themselves to allow these feeling to overcome them. Becoming a stronger person and having more faith in oneself comes from sadness, loneliness, laughter and experiences. Through the processes of living a life that is how a person becomes truly happy.

Good job, Claire! You did a great job going over the grammatical errors in your previous draft and clarifying your point. You chose a difficult, abstract topic to define and I imagine it was tought to nail down your definition since there isn't a real definition of, "true happiness." I think you ended up with a good paper. I hope you're just as satisfied with your work!

Josie


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #1 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.08.11; **171** due 02.11.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

I feel like I improved the most on clarification and also sticking to my personal voice. What helped me the most having a drake partner was that I could have someone not too far off in age yet also experienced in writing critique and help me through the process of writing and editing a paper to better my work. I think I need the most help improving on my editing skills even more so, I feel that although I read through, I need to read through with an even more keen eye for mistakes and typos I may have made. Thank you Josie for really understanding the purpose and idea of my paper and trying to help me better express what I was trying to convey to tbe reader. P.s I have my final done now it is having issues posting!!! Just my luck, but it's in the process and should be on there by today:) thanks you so much for your corrections, they were very helpful:)

I agree that you improved on clarification. Having a point to make is one thing, but actually putting that point into words is a whole different battle. Editing is always tough, too. I think it can be hard to change something once it's done - I have trouble with this all the time. You did a great job editing your final draft so whatever you did, keep it up.

This collaboration was a great experience for me. Responding to your paper and writing style made me think about my own. I've only got a few extra years on you and my writing style is still evolving. Thanks for taking my suggestions, but remember not to take everything I say as fact. I want to help you with your writing, but I also want you to be willing to argue a suggestion with me. Overall, great job and I look forward to working on the next paper with you!

Josie


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; **171** due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * <span style="color: #a30383; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Hi, Claire! **


 * <span style="color: #a30383; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">How's your draft coming along? I'm suppose to have my comments on it up by 5pm today so please post your paper as soon as possible. **


 * <span style="color: #a30383; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Thanks! **
 * <span style="color: #a30383; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Josie **
 * <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">﻿Heres some of my idea for my rough draft which I haven't been able to post due to no access to a computer the entire weekend. Im going to do my classification and division paper over happiness and the different types of happiness, that will divide my paper into seperate categories, and I will classify each main idea with some sort of story or description. Some of the categories I am considering are content, well being, bliss, emotional happiness, maybe real happiness or unreal, meaning the happiness looks to be happy on the outside but isnt reallly the life they want sort of thing! So I wrote some of my paper in my notebook, Im going to type it out and add even more to have it ready for you! **
 * <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">I wanted to get something on here for you by today, its deff a rough draft but I think it has potential. Tell me what you think of my ideas and I know I need to change some grammatical mistakes. I plan to add more to the conclusion. Also tell me if I am taking the whole "classification and Division" type of paper correctly. I was a little unsure! **
 * <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">-Thanks, **
 * <span style="color: #000000; font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Claire **

** Expressions of Happiness ** ** By Claire Lamberto ** I have come to notice that happiness tends to come and go. It is a never ending change that will always be indefinable. One day I was watching my younger brother who is now eight years old play and saw the smile that consistently shined across his face and I missed how simple happiness used to be to come by. I tried to think of an actual time when I was younger that I truly felt unhappy but I couldn’t. I know I cried, and got hurt a lot, and I know I got into fights but I don’t remember really the details of them and I never felt like they were detrimental to my overall state of being. I know I lied and disobeyed the rules blatantly, but why is it if I do similar qualified things I feel the reaping of my actions so much worse than I did than when I was a kid. Though this is when I came to realize that as I grow into a well-rounded person, there are of course more responsibilities bestowed upon me. As I grow into a woman I have more living experiences coming and going that change my state of being on a consistent basis. With these changes I became curious as to the different types of happiness and how happiness can be defined for each individual. This in turn took me on this long journey to discover different types of happiness. ** Nostalgic Happiness ** When one think of the word nostalgic they think of dwelling in the past, or sentimental. That is why the word is so fitting to describe this type of happiness. There are people in which times are going to badly for them in the present that must look to the past to help them continue on. They never let go of a better life they once had and want to get back so badly. They speak with great wisdom, because they look to the past which guide their actions now. In the story “The Notebook,” by Nicholas Sparks, the husband Noah is so madly in love with his wife Allie and when she comes down with Alzheimer’s she then proceeds to forget the life that they built together. He keeps her company by reading her a diary of her life that she wrote and told him to read to her each day. He is always looking into his past life with her to keep their love and happiness alive in the present, as she slowly fades away from him. "I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough." (Sparks) His love is what made him a happy man, and the love that developed in the past with this woman still continues on and keeps him well. **<need to add more to this I think I should go more in depth>** ** True Happiness ** Some people seem born truly happy, while other search for what it seems their entire lives for a feeling of what they define as wellbeing. What a person looking desperately for true happiness doesn’t realize is that you can only make it yourself. It takes true independence to come by something that’s your own happiness. So when someone isn’t doing exactly what they want to do, or doesn’t with hold who they want to be and lose themselves how can one feel happy. Happiness is defined by each individual so in order to find it for yourself the best advice it to just stick to being yourself through and through by doing what is right for others in the process. Although life isn’t worth living without and overall rich experience of good and bad times which can’t be had if all you do is stay in a safe bubble of your own social realm and what you perceive as being safe and happy. Taking chances, not life threatening ones but just being unpredictable is what will make your mind and soul benefit and feel an overall feeling of contentment. Just like Noah said about how his life was all worth it because he took the chance on love and passion, that just because his name won’t be known or remember at least he got to love as fully as he did. Some choose to run away from these feelings because it can in turn scare them at the same time. It’s something unknown and therefore they can’t make themselves come out of their shell to feel it. If a person is looking for true happiness and overall well- being fall in love at least once in your life. It’s something you’ll never forget if it was as special as love should be even if it means taking a risk in losing them remembering the experience will never stop the happiness from filling you. ** Dreams Come True ** What most people don’t realize is that when you actually follow your heart on your desires you can find happiness. Working hard in life will only get a person closer to their highest goal. In the movie Dream Girls, which is based of a true story, three young African American women follow their dreams to be stars and they end up getting to all the fame and fortune which some how falls short of their expectations. That is only because they replaced a key member of their group with another woman which sets them off in a downward spiral toward drug use and pure unhappiness. They started off the three happiest girls, because they started off united and following their dreams as sisters to sing. But when they began losing who they were, and their dream to sing became a reality it wasn’t what they had expected and took them all by surprise. ** ** ** <I think I should add another one over caring, because caring about something can create great happiness and also I will add more detail to the other categories> ** Happiness is what begins at the core of your growth. When I was a child that’s when I was learning what happiness was and what I wanted to do in order to preserve it. That is why I cant bring myself to remember a time when I wasn’t truly happy, because I hadn’t learned really how to cope with guilt or sorrow just yet. Which is a great reminder of what I aim to preserve so strongly today.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; **171** due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Hey I have my revision all typed up but it didn't send to my email so once I get home I will send it to you! :) shouldnt be too late tonight I just wanted to keep you updated:) **

** Expressions of Happiness ** ** By Claire Lamberto ** I have come to notice that happiness tends to come and go. It is a never ending change that will always be indefinable. **Seem like you jump right into an example here. You might want to try to solidify your argument before giving an example.** One day I was watching my younger brother who is now eight years old play and saw the smile that consistently shined across his face and I missed how simple happiness used to be to come by. I tried to think of an actual time when I was younger that I truly felt unhappy but I couldn’t. **You're using a lot of "I" here. I know your teacher said it's alright to use "I" in your papers, but make sure your only using it if it helps your argument.** I know I cried, and got hurt a lot, and I know I got into fights but I don’t remember really the details of them and I never felt like they were detrimental to my overall state of being. I know I lied and disobeyed the rules blatantly, but why is it if I do similar qualified things I feel the reaping of my actions so much worse than I did than when I was a kid. Though this is when I came to realize that as I grow into a well-rounded person, there is more responsibilities bestowed upon me. As I grow into a woman I have more living experiences coming and going that change my state of being on a consistent basis. With these changes I became curious as to the different types of happiness and how happiness can be defined for each individual. This in turn took me on this long journey to discover different types of happiness. **I like the way you set the reader up for your essay here.** ** Nostalgic Happiness ** When one thinks of the word nostalgic they think of dwelling in the past, or sentimental. That is why the word is so fitting to describe this type of happiness. There are people who look to the past to find an old state of happiness. They never let go of a better life they once had and want to get back so badly. They speak with great wisdom, because they look to the past which guide their actions now. In the story “The Notebook,” by Nicholas Sparks, the husband Noah is so madly in love with his wife Allie and when she comes down with Alzheimer’s she then proceeds to forget the life that they had built together. He proceeds to reminisce in the past with her by reading a diary she wrote of their life together. Looking into his past life with her to keep their love and happiness alive in the present, as she slowly fades away from him, he never gives up on trying to help her remember. "I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough." (Sparks) His love is what made him a happy man, and the love that developed in the past with this woman still continues on and keeps him well. This epic story of love created passion and well- being for their whole lives together, but what’s hard to understand is how maybe what they had can never be a reality for anyone else in actuality. Yes love can be found and through that happiness, but Noah and Allie’s story is oddly too perfect to come by so aiming for something as to what they had could be considered and impossible dream and just lead to pure frustration to find that perfect state of content **This sentence is a little lengthy. You might want to cut it down for clarity**. **<I added a bit more to this tell me what you’re thinking on the idea of frustration. Although I said I was aiming to portray frustration of happiness I’m more trying to almost warn. But also look to these examples as not bad examples just unrealistic. So is that what you’re getting from this example so far? Let me know maybe what I could add to capture that throughout the whole piece** ** J > ** ** I am getting that, but I don't know that it works best at this point in the paper. Maybe if you set out all of the examples and then make the argument at the end, the reader would be left with a bit of a "punch." **

** True Happiness I wonder if this should be the first one you talk about since it is, in a sense, the basis for other kinds of happiness? ** Is there really such thing as true happiness? Something that everyone is always searching for is ‘true happiness’ but what exactly is true happiness. It can only be defined by each individual so seeing the world’s recent media people are being tricked into thinking that they can only feel happy if their life is lived in that particular way **confusing**, when really setting oneself apart from society’s expectations can only come with good feelings of self-assurance. When watching any famous romance or drama movies people perceive that that is how one should aspire to be, but this types of pieces can’t even begin to capture the complexities of life ** This seems like the argument you're trying to make for the frustration finding happiness (any kind) brings **. So instead of aspiring to do much more in life, people are simplifying their experience to fit the roles of characters in a book or T.V. show. Each day that goes by many of them will feel unaccomplished or unsuccessful two significant aspects that can lead to what they define for themselves true happiness. The complications of a real life experience are what lead us to better our experience. **<Is this choppy? I may add more, but let me know what you think of the idea> I don't think it's choppy at all and I'm glad you're experimenting with sentence style. I think this argument needs a little help - it seems like your argument for frustration. Maybe you can draw from the main argument in your previous paper? **

** Dreams Come True ** What most people don’t realize is that when you actually follow your heart on your desires you can find happiness. Working hard in life will only get a person closer to their highest goal. In the movie Dream Girls, which is based of a true story, three young African American women follow their dreams to be stars and they end up getting to all the fame and fortune which some how falls short of their expectations. That is only because they replaced a key member of their group with another woman which sets them off in a downward spiral toward drug use and pure unhappiness. They started off the three happiest girls, because they started off united and following their dreams as sisters to sing. But when they began losing who they were, and their dream to sing became a reality it wasn’t what they had expected and took them all by surprise. **<I like this idea, I just don’t know what to do with it!> So, by convincing ourselves that we need just one thing to make us happy (in the instance of Dream Girls it's fame) we are often disappointed and left confused when our point of true happiness isn't all it's cracked up to be? I didn't put that very well, but is that what you're going for? **

Happiness is what begins at the core of your growth. When I was a child that’s when I was ** Maybe you can bring back the story from your intro and draw a conclusion from that - show the reader how your "journey to discover different types of happiness" has lead you to better understand the happy child you explained in your intro. ** learning what happiness was and what I wanted to do in order to preserve it. That is why I cant bring myself to remember a time when I wasn’t truly happy, because I hadn’t learned really how to cope with guilt or sorrow just yet. Which is a great reminder of what I aim to preserve so strongly today.


 * Claire- This is a great start. I think you have a lot of ideas that need to be formed into a concise argument. I would suggest taking the three categories of happiness that you've laid out and figuring out exactly what your argument is for each, then launch into your example. Be sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors. Good luck! As always, feel free to email me with any questions while you're working on your final. **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; **171** due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Claire - Sorry for the late response. I commented on your paper this weekend and I guess the changes didn't save. Also, my comments will just be in bold this time, not purple. <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">Expressions of Happiness <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">Claire Lamberto <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">I have come to notice that happiness tends to come and go. It is a never ending change that will always be indefinable. Having at least once in life felt it is a never ending struggle to retain the feeling, but it can only come with true fulfillment. **confusing sentence** Watching my younger brother, one day, who is now eight years old play and saw **(seeing?)** the smile that consistently shined across his face, I missed how simple happiness used to be to come by. Attempting to remember a feeling of unhappiness from a younger age, I failed. **Good, I like this varying of your sentence structure** Remembering times of unhappiness from fights or getting hurt it was not detrimental to my overall state of being. Lying and disobeying the rules was a given at those young ages, but why doing similar qualified things do I feel the reaping of my actions so much worse than when I was a kid. Though this is when I came to realize that as I grow into a well-rounded person, there is more responsibilities bestowed upon me. As I grow into a woman more living experiences coming and going change my state of being on a consistent basis. With these changes I became curious as to the different types of happiness and how happiness can be defined for each individual. This in turn took me on this long journey to discover different types of happiness.**I like the way you're setting up the paper here. Be sure to read over your drafts (out loud helps a lot) to make sure you catch any mistakes. You have a few typos here.**

<span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">Is there really such thing as true happiness? Something that everyone is always searching for is ‘true happiness’ but what exactly is true happiness. It can only be defined by each individual so seeing the world’s recent media people are being taught that they should live like the characters on a T.V. show or how celebrities’ life is portrayed in a magazine. When setting oneself apart from society’s expectations can only come with good feelings of self-assurance. When watching any famous romance or drama movies, people perceive that that is how one should aspire to be, but these types of pieces can’t even begin to capture the complexities of life. Instead of aspiring to do much more in life, people are simplifying their experience to fit the roles of characters in a book or T.V. show. Each day that goes by many of them will feel unaccomplished or unsuccessful two significant aspects that can lead to what they define for themselves true happiness. The complications of a real life experience are what lead us to better our experience. So when meeting a successful, confident person it can only be assumed that they truly had to challenge themselves in some way against societies new ‘roles’ that must be played to secure ‘happiness. **You have a good argument here, but I think it could be cleared up a bit. I think you need a little more explanation of the "new roles."**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">True Happiness **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">Dreams Come True **

<span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">What most people don’t realize is that when you actually follow your heart on your desires you can find happiness. Working hard in life will only get a person closer to their highest goal. In the movie Dream Girls, which is based off of a true story, three young African American women follow their dreams to be stars and they end up getting to all the fame and fortune ends up falling short of their expectations **- confusing sentence**. That is only because they replaced a key member of their group with another woman setting them off in a downward spiral toward drug use and pure unhappiness. They started off the three happiest girls, because they started off united and following their dreams as sisters to sing. But when they began losing who they were, and their dream to sing became a reality it wasn’t what they had expected and took them all by surprise. Since the girl’s lost track of who they are they lost happiness, since happiness is defined by each individual **so they didn't become happy because they forgot what would make them happy in the first place?**. They became what everyone else wanted them to be and lost faith in which they all originally set out to be. This is another aspect of happiness that can be lost when one doesn’t follow who they really are, and what they want to aspire to. <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">When one thinks of the word nostalgic they think of dwelling in the past **- so was Noah "dwelling in the past" or was he fondly remembering it?**, or sentimental. That is why the word is so fitting to describe this type of happiness. There are people who look to the past to find an old state of happiness. They never let go of a better life they once had and want to get back so badly. They speak with great wisdom, because they look to the past which guide their actions now.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">Nostalgic Happiness **

<span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif';">In the story “The Notebook,” by Nicholas Sparks, the husband Noah is so madly in love with his wife Allie and when she comes down with Alzheimer’s she then proceeds to forget the life that they had built together. He proceeds to reminisce in the past with her by reading a diary she wrote of their life together. Looking into his past life with her to keep their love and happiness alive in the present, as she slowly fades away from him, he never gives up on trying to help her remember. "I am nothing special, of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough." (Sparks) His love is what made him a happy man, and the love that developed in the past with this woman still continues on and keeps him well. This epic story of love created passion and well- being for their whole lives together, but what’s hard to understand is how maybe what they had can never be a reality for anyone else in actuality. Yes love can be found and through that happiness, but Noah and Allie’s story is oddly too perfect to come by so aiming for something as to what they had could be considered and impossible dream and just lead to pure frustration to find that perfect state of content **. Good example of how the media's idealized representations of happiness make it difficult for real people to believe they are truly happy.**

I discovered from this long journey that happiness will always be a part of my life if I don’t dwell on the past and continue on to the present in a good state of mind. If I stick to who I am and don’t try to embellish parts of myself that in turn will only lead to a more continuous state of happiness. Life will always be a never ending roller coaster of good and bad times, that I had as a child but realized had to be that way to learn to deal with really hard parts of living life in a better optimistic mind set. **Last sentence is a little confusing, but I'm glad you are tying your conclusion back to your introduction.**


 * All together, this is an interesting addition to your argument from your last paper. I like that you are looking at the difficulties that some along with trying to define true happiness and how that makes it difficult for someone to feel truly happy. I'm also glad you tried varying up your sentence structure and length. It can be hard to grasp a new style of writing at first so be sure to proofread a lot to make sure your sentences are still making sense.**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; **171** due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">thank you for helping me edit and secure my idea of my paper. Your techniques of proofreading help me to find mistakes and sentences that dont flow. You also helped me to better organize my paper. tThanks for working with me on this and I cant wait to start the next paper! :) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; **171** due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

The initial opinion that many onlookers would assume from the example of how a celebrity’s life is portrayed is happiness can come from fame. What an onlooker doesn’t understand that beyond the dramatization of a celebrity’s existence is an actual person’s life and being well known can take a toll on their personal life. Happiness can come from many unique situations in life, but can only be defined by each individual. When seeing the portrayal of a celebrity’s life a person can only feel that they came by a great fulfilling life and are at their happiest **That sentence is a little unclear. I think you're introducing some great ideas here in the first few sentences, but they are a little too long to follow. Maybe work on shortening the beginning. Leading with a clear, concise sentence will draw the reader in**. The difference between real happiness and the idea is the reality check that famous people probably give thought to after entering into the business. True happiness is a complex emotion that can’t be necessarily found through success and money but through real situations that effect who one is and choses to be. The road to becoming famous can start out as an exciting journey and turn into your downfall, filled with depression. When coming to the actual time of being famous and popular a celeb might realize it’s not all they had anticipated. Surrounded by the life of being rich and famous comes a circle of friends that must be coped with, drugs and a prodigious amount of drama. Sometimes being surrounded by that life can chip away at a person’s state of being and they can end up making considerable mistakes that can really reverse their life. Being well known can make you popular in all situations, but with that untrue gossip, accusations and insults can tear a life apart. **I feel like you're throwing a lot in right here. Bringing up the gossip about the celebrity threw me off a bit. Are you setting up all of the arguments in your paper in this beginning paragraph? If so, maybe just touch on them here so you can really expand upon them in the rest of your paper.** How is that a happy life, when each day the public finds new ways to tear down personal parts of a person’s life even though they are only trying to survive in this world same as all of us? The Idea of being famous shows a construed view that being famous is the ultimate life of true bliss when in reality it can be the life that takes a person’s happiness away for good. If a second is taken to give a thought to how many celebrities have fallen to the use of drugs, depression, abusive natures, suicide, eating disorders and many other parts of life many people would consider the nadir **nice use of nadir!** of existence, several celebrities from the past and present come to mind. A particular young women named Britney Spears began her career at a young tender age of 17. She became outrageously popular and was in the top of the charts with her pop music. In front of the camera all seemed fine in the life of a sweet innocent girl like Britney but what the public didn’t know what she was struggling with in gaining so much fame and money so fast. There was a couple bumps along the way but when she met her first husband kevin federlin the paparazzi took full advantage of her life an slapped it on the front pages of magazines and in the news. The celebrity life was not helping her with her social realm. Kevin took advantage of her young naïve life, and emotional tore her down to a place of severe depression. She began to party, drink an do drugs and her children were taken away from her. Her marriage ended and the media was nonstop on her life and each incident that occurred. She’s recovered some of her self again, but she will never eliminate the impact her life of fame had on herself.**I like that you are using a specific celebrity as an example here. What I think you'll need to be careful with as you continue working on this paper is that you make sure it doesn't become a paper about Britney Spears. Make sure you are constantly drawing the examples of her troubled life back to your argument. What did her marriage being plastered all over tabloids have to do with true happiness? How was her "celebrity life" ruining her true happiness in her "social realm?" Using examples is great, but make sure you are constantly writing with your main argument in mind, not just the example.** Getting into the life of fame can begin as a dream an turn into a dramatic reality that some young stars can’t handle nor should have to. Lindsey Lohan started out with a prospering career as an actress but the party life began to be a negative aspect on her life, she lost control and started abusing drugs and herself when she started showing signs of an eating disorder. She went to rehab, but soon after getting released she went back to using drugs and abusing alcohol. She’s having hearings in court and her life is an overall mess that she must now fix in front of the public. Her reputation is on the line and everyone is out to judge her and rooting her to slip up again to engage in the drama it brings. **[**Therefor being famous puts a negative spotlight on their lives when sometimes the best thing to do is be left alone to figure things out for oneself**] That's a good argument, but you need to draw it back to your argument about happiness. Tell me less about the specifics of Lohan's troubles and more about what they have to do with one's ability to reach true happiness.** Although there are many negative aspects to being a celebrity there are a few positives that can’t be ignored. Having a goal to be famous gives hopes to many people. It takes a certain strong personality to handle the life of fame. Many famous people get involved with parts of that life that hurt them in the long wrong and staying away from it is best. Having a good income and money helps with security. Celebrities who are parents will always know their kids will have a support network and money to help them with education and other privileges. These things are good parts of being famous and rich but do they really bring happiness. A lot of celebrities actually wish for a simpler life, and one out of the public’s eye.**And a lot of people who aren't famous believe they would be happy if they were a celebrity. Maybe that says something about how we view happiness. Does anyone ever believe that they are leading their happiest life? Does someone else always have a better/happier life?** Happiness can only be found through one’s own definition of happiness. **I'm getting that that is your main argument here. I'm not sure that your examples of Spears and Lohan proved that happiness can only be found through one's own definition.** Looking at the life of famous people it’s hard to see if they are living what a lot of people involve themselves in to be happy. Although successful sometimes the life of partying can take a huge toll on who a person is and how it makes you feel about life. Happiness being a complex emotion, yes it takes good and bad things to happen in life to make it exciting and worthwhile. Having an all consuming lifestyle of partying and negatives will not ever allow much good so it will begin to take away from the overall state of being.


 * Claire- You have a good start here, but I think you need to really solidify what your argument is. It seems to me that your main argument is, "Happiness can only be found through one's own definition of happiness." Is that right? If so, make sure that your whole paper is arguing that point. I wasn't so sure that was your argument until the last paragraph - and maybe I've got the wrong argument. Also, feel free to "step out of line" with your argument. You don't even have to agree with yourself, just argue the point for argument's sake.**


 * Also, be sure to proofread. I noticed quite a few typos and some sentences that could be cleared up. You give the reader a lot of information in the first paragraph, but the sentences are long and a bit difficult to follow. It can be helpful to read it out loud. Does it sound oddly worded? Too long? You can often catch things that don't make sense or don't read well if you read them out loud.**


 * Good luck on your next draft and, as always, feel free to email me with any questions!**


 * Josie**

Happiness can be found through fame, a myth which many assume to be truth. The initial opinion that many onlookers would assume from the example of how a celebrity’s life is portrayed is happiness can come from fame. Beyond the dramatization of a celebrity’s existence is an actual person’s life and being well known can take a toll on their personal life. Happiness can come from many unique situations in life, but can only be defined by each individual **Then, could and individual define happiness as fame?**. When seeing the portrayal of a celebrity’s life most assume that the celebrity is at the height of happiness in their life.. The difference between real happiness and the idea **of happiness?** is a reality check that famous people probably give thought to after entering into the business. True happiness is a complex emotion that can’t be necessarily found through success and money but through real situations that effect who one is and chooses to be. The road to becoming famous can start out as an exciting journey and turn into your downfall, filled with depression. When coming to the actual time of being famous and popular a celeb might realize it’s not all they had anticipated. Surrounded by the life of being rich and famous comes a circle of friends that must be coped with, drugs and a prodigious amount of drama.**What I'm getting here is that you are going to be talking about how true happiness is difficult to attain, specifically in relation to being famous. I just want to make sure I'm getting the right thing from this.** Sometimes being surrounded by that life **might be helpful to specify the kind of life you are referring to since you're beginning a new paragraph** can chip away at a person’s state of being and they can end up making considerable mistakes that can really reverse their life. Being well known can make you popular in all situations, but with that untrue gossip, accusations and insults can tear a life apart. How is that a happy life, when each day the public finds new ways to tear down personal parts of a person’s life even though they are only trying to survive in this world same as all of us? The Idea of being famous shows a construed view that being famous is the ultimate life of true bliss when in reality it can be the life that takes a person’s happiness away for good. (I like what this paragraph says.. but if it sounds weird then Id rather reword it, not sure how to) **I think you're making a good point in this paragraph as well, but it seems a little repetitive from your previous paragraph. Maybe take the main points from this paragraph, shorten it and then go further with those main points?**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( ****RHS** due 04.05.11; **171** due 04.08.11**)**

If a second is taken to give a thought to how many celebrities have fallen to the use of drugs, depression, abusive natures, suicide, eating disorders and many other parts of life many people would consider the nadir of existence, several celebrities from the past and present come to mind. A particular young woman named Britney Spears began her career early on in her life. She became outrageously popular and was in the top of the charts with her pop music. In front of the camera all seemed fine in the life of a sweet innocent girl like Britney but the public didn’t know what she was struggling with in gaining so much fame and money so fast. **This seems like a good example of how a life of fame can lead to unhappiness, but I don't see you stressing the point that people think they will be happy if they get famous and then find it doesn't make them happy after all** Having so much wealth drove her to make bad choices, such as drug use and partying having no real ambitions and future goals. Most young people make many mistakes before they fully grow up. She, on the other hand, never got the chance to make a mistake and learn from it. Once she began her new lifestyle she was put in the media and she was emotionally affected by the slights made against her personal life and choices. The celebrity life was not helping her with her social realm which began to really hurt her level of being. She continued to make many bad choices which drove her into a deeper depression. She continues to work on rebuilding her reputation. She has recovered some of her self again, but she will never eliminate the impact her life of fame had on herself **So she will never reach true happiness?**.

Getting into the life of fame can begin as a dream an turn into a dramatic reality that some young stars can’t handle nor should have to. Lindsey Lohan started out with a prospering career as an actress but the party life began to be a negative aspect on her life, she lost control and started abusing drugs and herself when she started showing signs of an eating disorder. She went to rehab, but soon after getting released she went back to using drugs and abusing alcohol. These qualities seem to occur to many celebrities. **It seems like both of your examples explain how fame can make you unhappy, but not how someone thinks fame will make them happy and then find that it doesn't. If your argument is that fame will stop you from being happy, I think you might want to rework your introduction. Just make sure you have the same argument going through the whole paper.** A lot is to blame on the paparazzi becoming one with the personal aspect of life. They make their business everyone’s business. This allows everyone to make false judgments, hurting her more than necessary. The life of being a celebrity brings the paparazzi, people’s false judgments and a vast amount of excessive stress that takes something away from what real happiness should be. ( still working the kinks out) **Maybe you could break down the essay elaborating more on the different aspects of a celebrities life that make them unhappy? The paparazzi being one.** <span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">Although there are many negative aspects to being a celebrity there are a few positives that can’t be ignored.**If you're going to bring the positive aspects in, you might want to expand on them more or bring them in earlier? It seems a little odd in this section.** Having a goal to be famous gives hopes to many people. It takes a certain strong personality to handle the life of fame. Many famous people get involved with parts of that life that hurt them in the long run and staying away from it is best. Having a good income and money helps with security. Celebrities who are parents will always know their kids will have a support network and money to help them with education and other privileges. These things are good parts of being famous and rich but do they really bring happiness. A lot of celebrities actually wish for a simpler life, and one out of the public’s eye. (I’m still pondering a deeper reasoning for this paragraph **I think you should definitely go further with this if you are going to keep it in**) Happiness can only be found through one’s own definition of happiness. Looking at the life of famous people it’s hard to see if they are living what a lot of people involve themselves in to be happy. Although successful sometimes the life of partying can take a huge toll on who a person is and how it makes you feel about life. Happiness being a complex emotion, yes it takes good and bad things to happen in life to make it exciting and worthwhile. Having an all consuming lifestyle of partying and negatives will not ever allow much good so it will begin to take away from the overall state of being. (I’m not sure my thesis is clear, simply because I want to prove that happiness doesn’t come from fame not that the definition should I remove something from my intro? **I agree that your thesis is a little unclear. I think you need to decide if you are arguing that happiness is unattainable and even more unattainable if you're a celebrity OR argue that a celebrity can never be happy because of the lifestyle.**)

**Claire:** **Good work so far. I think you just need to work on your thesis some more. Make sure you are very clear about what your argument is and then make sure that each of your supporting points follow that argument. As usual, feel free to email me with anymore questions.**

**Hope you're feeling better,** **Josie**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (2) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.13.11; **171** due 04.15.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; **171** due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **