Grady+Reuler+8-K.W.

Roosevelt Student: 8-K.W. Kathryn,
 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **

Hello, my name is Grady Reuler and I am currently a Junior at Drake University. I hope that you are doing well and that you are ready for a stimulating and exciting semester! At Drake, I have been given many wonderful opportunites to teach and learn from others, including working as an English tutor in the Drake Writing Workshop as well as having classtime experience through the school of education. What these experiences have taught me, then, is that I cannont imagine myself anywhere else but in the classroom. I have a strong passion for learning and would ultimately like to earn my PHD in either History or English, but for now I am enjoying my time at Drake. Outside of the classroom, I enjoy running (except in the cold), reading, lifting weights, listening to music, hiking, and relaxing with family and friends.

As apart of a larger course on the teaching of writing, //Ex/change// through writing is intended to help both of us, and I am looking forward to working with you throughout the semester. During our time together, I will be responding to your writing and will be serving as your writing mentor. What we will be working on, then, is not only improving both of our writing but also learning about why and how we write.

If you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to contact me through my email: grady.reuler@drake.edu or greuler@gmail.com

Looking forward to meeting you,

Grady

Hi Grady,

I'm a Junior at Roosevelt and in my free time I enjoy to play sports like tennis, soccer, swimming and synchronized swimming. I enjoy spending time with my friends and family, just like every other person. In my future I don't plan on doing much with writing I want to go into Geriatric Psychiatry, but we'll see what happens. I'm looking forward to this help your going to give me this semester. I wouldn't consider myself the strongest writer. If I have the time to take a paper home and do it, it will be much better than if I just had 90 minutes to do it during the class time. Have a good weekend.

Thanks-- Kathryn


 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; �580 581� due 01.28.11 **) **

"Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered." (thinkexist.com) Your fortune can't be handed to you on a simple sheet of paper, like in a "fortune cookie."Fortune can mean several different things to those in different situations. I believe it all depends on where you come from, what path you take. There are many ways that one can be affected by fortune- the idea of it can take over your mind and life, you can just realize your blessed by the fortune you have, and you can completely ignore the fortune you have and let it surpass you.

Fortune cookies hand the customers general quotes, that are clearly not directed at anyone in particular. The quotes given to you on these simple sheets of paper are just words that they hope to enlighten you for brief amount of time. They hope that the few words will inspire you and make you think that you can find a way to connect it to your life. Real fortune is much more serious, and can't be thrown into a trash can along with your tray.

Kathryn,

Hi, sorry for my late response. I realized just last night that I was not yet a member of our wiki group! As for my comments below, I have responded to your writing in sections with a larger statement at the end. If you need anything clarified, feel free to shoot me an email.

Thanks, Grady

"Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered." (thinkexist.com) Your fortune can't be handed to you on a simple sheet of paper, like in a "fortune cookie." **How do you interpret this quote?** **Is fortune externally controlled (out of our hands) or do we have complete control over our fate? Why is this quote important to you?**

Fortune can mean several different things to those in different situations. I believe it all depends on where you come from, what path you take. **So are there multiple definitions for the word “fortune”? If so, is there any way to narrow your definition of the word?**

There are many ways that one can be affected by fortune- the idea of it can take over your mind and life, you can just realize your blessed by the fortune you have, and you can completely ignore the fortune you have and let it surpass you. **How are you using “fortune” here, it is just an “idea” or something physical?**

Fortune cookies hand the customers general quotes, that are clearly not directed at anyone in particular. The quotes given to you on these simple sheets of paper are just words that they ** (who is “they”?) **hope to enlighten you for brief amount of time. They hope that the few words will inspire you and make you think that you can find a way to connect it to your life. Real fortune is much more serious, and can't be thrown into a trashcan along with your tray.


 * Kathryn,**
 * This piece is a strong start toward your definition of “fortune” and I am intrigued with your comparison between the definition of fortune and the object of the fortune cookie. Here, then, are my suggestions: Remember that we are working toward a definition, so with that in mind, how are you using the word “fortune”? At one point you state, “ There are many ways that one can be affected by fortune- the idea of it can take over your mind and life…” I like your idea here and it makes me think: is fortune something physical like wealth, or is it an idea like fate? Essentially, how is fortune being defined in your piece? Your anecdotal examples are strong but how does your textual evidence from “thinkexisit.com” give credibility to your peice and support your definition.**


 * Best,**
 * Grady**


 * Revision - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.31.11; �606 607� due 02.01.11 **) **

The dictionary says it is "position in life determined by wealth." It is this because you can be wealthy with blessings rather than money. Your fortune can't be handed to you on a simple sheet of paper, like in a "fortune cookie." Fortune can mean several different things to those in different situations. I believe it all depends on where you come from, what path you take. There are many ways that one can be affected by fortune- the idea of it can take over your mind and life, you can just realize your blessed by the fortune you have, and you can completely ignore the fortune you have and let it surpass you.

Ideas of fortune are simply intertwined into every day life, such as a fortune cookie. Fortune cookies hand the customers general quotes, that are clearly not directed at anyone in particular. The quotes given to you on these simple sheets of paper are just words that they hope to enlighten you for brief amount of time. They hope that the few words will inspire you and make you think that you can find a way to connect it to your life. Real fortune is much more serious, and can't be thrown into a trash can along with your tray.

When fortune is given to an individual they might not even be aware of it, while some people are completely affected by their fortune. Those that are not aware of their fortune could be born into a fortunate family by being in a happy and healthy family, while others want to have a better lifestyle by grasping out for fortune. One that is affected by fortune is one that is not happy within their own element. They want more and are all in all sort of greedy. Fortune is passed down from one person to a next in a sense. Like when a grandmother dies, if she worked hard in her life and passed that work ethic down to her children it will be continued on for a good while. In a sense the word fortune is slightly contradicting. One may have the greatest fortune in the world, yet still not fortunate. It's a way of saying that money isn't everything, although it is to some people. With all the money in the world doesn't come with a happy family or a good living situation. I know people who are very unhappy but they are still rich and people who have less than them would sometimes give almost anything to be in their shoes and vice versa.

The fortune cookie may give you "fortune" for some amount of time by you letting it unconsciously affect your life for a short period of time. Being fortunate comes in several forms and it's up to you to decide how you want to live your life and appreciate your fortune.

it's not very goodhelp me out please!

Kathryn,

Hi, hope you are doing well. Sorry for my late response, I hope this is not too late! See my comments below:

The dictionary says it is **What is “it” referring to here, Fortune?** "position in life determined by wealth." It is this because you can be wealthy with blessings rather than money. **What is “this” referring to, are you using the previous quote as your definition of fortune?** Your fortune can't be handed to you on a simple sheet of paper, like in a "fortune cookie." Fortune can mean several different things to those in different situations. I believe it all depends on where you come from, what path you take. There are many ways that one can be affected by fortune- the idea of it can take over your mind and life, you can just realize your blessed by the fortune you have, and you can completely ignore the fortune you have and let it surpass you.

Ideas of fortune are simply intertwined into every day life, such as a fortune cookie. Fortune cookies hand the customers general quotes that are clearly not directed at anyone in particular. **So fortune is individual, not mass-produced!** The quotes given to you on these simple sheets of paper are just words that they hope to enlighten you for brief amount of time. They **Who is “they”** hope that the few words will inspire you and make you think that you can find a way to connect it to your life. Real fortune is much more serious, and can't be thrown into a trash can along with your tray. **So the fortune cookie is just one way of thinking about fortune, although not necessarily the right way.**

When fortune is given to an individual they might not even be aware of it, while some people are completely affected by their fortune. **What examples, facts, or anecdotes can you use here to support your claim that “ when fortune is given to an individual they might not even be aware of it…”** Those that are not aware of their fortune could be born into a fortunate family by being in a happy and healthy family, while others want to have a better lifestyle by grasping out for fortune. **“How does someone “grasp” for fortune? Does this mean through success in business?** One that is affected by fortune is one that is not happy within their own element. **Is one’s “element” his or her lifestyle or financial situation?** They want more and are all in all **What is “ all and all”** sort of greedy. Fortune is passed down from one person to a next in a sense. Like when a grandmother dies, if she worked hard in her life and passed that work ethic down to her children it will be continued on for a good while.

In a sense the word fortune is slightly contradicting. **Yes, exactly** ! One may have the greatest fortune in the world, yet still not fortunate. It's a way of saying that money isn't everything, although it is to some people. With all the money in the world doesn't come with a happy family or a good living situation. I know people who are very unhappy but they are still rich and people who have less than them would sometimes give almost anything to be in their shoes and vice versa. **w****ho are these “people you know”, is it possible to tell their story?**

The fortune cookie may give you "fortune" for some amount of time by you letting it unconsciously affect your life for a short period of time. Being fortunate comes in several forms and it's up to you to decide how you want to live your life and appreciate your fortune.


 * Kathryn,**
 * The second draft is more involved than the first and it is wonderful that you are willing to tackle the deep questions about what it means to be “fortunate”. Here, then, are my recommendations for your final draft:**


 * First paragraph:**
 * Although you provide a dictionary definition of the word “fortune”, I am not sure how you are working with that definition. Are you working towards that definition or are you working against that definition? In addition, you open your paper with, “ The dictionary says it is…” but I am not sure what “it” is referring to, is “it” fortune? If so, make sure your audience knows what word you are examining.**


 * Second paragraph:**
 * Your second paragraph strikes at the heart of the matter: fortune is individual and unique to every person. Re-reading your draft, I am left with the impression that this is the message you want your reader to understand, am I correct? If so, how does this example inform your definition of fortune: does it support your definition or work against it.**


 * Third paragraph**
 * The third paragraph has strong observations, but they could be more detailed. For instance, you state,** //**“**// ** One that is affected by fortune is one that is not happy within their own element” My question, then, is what element are you referring to? Your example of the grandmother is strong, can you think of other examples like the grandmother to support your other claims in this paragarph? **


 * Forth Paragraph**
 * Your forth paragraph starts to engage the definition of fortune and raises thoughtful questions about what it means to be fortunate. In the third sentence of this paragraph you state, “I know people who are very unhappy…” is it possible to incorporate their story into your piece?**


 * Conclusion**
 * Your conclusion raises many thoughts, one being: is fortune something that is granted to us, or do we make our own fortune? That being said, you might consider working ideas from your second paragraph into your first paragraph and conclusion. By tailoring these ideas into your first paragraph, your reader will have a better sense of how you are thinking about fortune. Your conclusion raises many questions, but what is your final interpretation of the word fortune? Lastly, read your paper aloud to catch any syntactical or grammatical errors.**


 * If you have any questions, please feel free to email.**


 * Grady**


 * FINAL - Definition ( ****RHS** due 02.02.11; �670 671� due 02.04.11 **) **

The dictionary defines fortune as "position in life determined by wealth." However, the ambiguity surrounding the word wealth can be viewed in a wide variety of ways. One can be wealthy in money, cars, and clothes, while at the same time lacking true intangible wealth associated with friends and family. Therefore, fortune is open for interpretation. Your fortune can't be handed to you on a simple sheet of paper, an open-ended guide line to the rest of one’s life decided by the small chance of a fortune cookie landing upon your tray. Fortune can mean several different things to those in different situations. I believe it all depends on where you come from, what path you take. There are many ways that one can be affected by fortune- the idea of it can take over your mind and life, you can just realize your blessed by the fortune you have, and you can completely ignore the fortune you have and let it surpass you.

Ideas of fortune are simply intertwined into every day life, such as a fortune cookie. Fortune cookies hand the customers general quotes, that are clearly not directed at anyone in particular. The quotes given to you on these simple sheets of paper are just words that they hope to enlighten you for brief amount of time. They hope that the few words will inspire you and make you think that you can find a way to connect it to your life. Real fortune is much more serious, and can't be thrown into a trash can along with your tray.

When fortune is given to an individual they might not even be aware of it, while some people are completely affected by their fortune. Those that are not aware of their fortune could be born into a fortunate family by being in a happy and healthy family, while others want to have a better lifestyle by grasping out for fortune. One that is affected by fortune is one that is not happy within their own element. They want more and are all in all sort of greedy. Fortune is passed down from one person to a next in a sense. Like when a grandmother dies, if she worked hard in her life and passed that work ethic down to her children it will be continued on for a good while. In a sense the word fortune is slightly contradicting. One may have the greatest fortune in the world, yet still not fortunate. It's a way of saying that money isn't everything, although it is to some people. With all the money in the world doesn't come with a happy family or a good living situation. I know people who are very unhappy but they are still rich and people who have less than them would sometimes give almost anything to be in their shoes and vice versa. My cousins neighbor are those people, they are so fortunate in the money aspect but their family fights all the time.

The dictionary definition can be argued both ways. It all just depends on how you look at it. The fortune cookie may give you "fortune" for some amount of time by you letting it unconsciously affect your life for a short period of time. Being fortunate comes in several forms and it's up to you to decide how you want to live your life and appreciate your fortune.


 * REFLECTION #1 ****( ****RHS** due 02.08.11; �680 681� due 02.11.11 **) **

1-I feel i improved the most on thinking about the meaning of my paper. By looking at it closer.

2-I liked how he would pull out piece by piece and would tell me what to work on.

3- having more ideas to place into my papers and being able to expand on.


 * Kathryn,**
 * Comparing your first draft to your second, I have seen noticeable improvement in your writing and I am glad to see that you are taking on the tough questions. Your comment about “placing” ideas into your paper is interesting and I can see your ideas developing throughout the piece. For instance, in your second draft you start to explore the different interpretations of the word fortune and then go on to recognize the complications the word presents–way to go. As I read your work, I can see you moving from observation to close interpretation (as in the case above) and it represents the thoughtfulness you are putting into your work. In your reflection, you note that you are beginning to look at your work “closer” and that you have more ideas to expand upon and this is great, but where do we go from here? As you have shown in your second draft, you are able to work closely and thoughtfully, but not only must we expand upon our work, but also offer deeper interpretation and meaning. Your second draft is a solid start to working more closely with your thoughts and ideas.**
 * Keep up the good work,**
 * Grady**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; �696 697� due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Facebook Users

Adults- reconnecting with their old friends College Students- stay connected with friends and looking at photos of themselves and others High school students- bragging about how many tagged photos they have of themselves, seeing how many people can "like their status'" Middle school students- posting embarrassing pictures of themselves, they will regret later


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; �704 705� due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Facebook Users

A wide range of people use Facebook almost everyday, it's the biggest social networking site on the web. I'm sure you don't need a synopsis of the site because most of you probably have already checked who wrote on your wall or who has poked you today. It entertains almost everyone, just in different ways.

Adults This is the group that doesn't really understand the website. Most of them ask their kids for help with setting it up, and get scared at the thought of putting pictures of themselve on the internet, so they often use their children as a replacement. They say, "Who really wants to see a picture of me anyways? I don't look the same as I do in high school." When it comes to choosing friends they are really exclusive, as if it would mean something more to the other person to be part of his or her friends list...like inviting them over for dinner.

College Students Facebook is a great thing for college students to have. It's a way to get to know someone. When you graduate from high school you usually get a dorm mate for the next year, you can just look them up on the website and find out that you guys have a few things in common or that it probably won't work out. They also like to have Facebook to upload pictures of themselves and others so everyone can know what their doing and to show their friends from high school what's going on in their life.

High School Students Most students in high school use Facebook as a way to pass time. I know people who spend hours "chatting" on Facebook and going through people's pictures and basically just creeping on people. It's kind of pointless but this is the generation that knows the most about how to use the website. Teenagers also use this as a way of flirting, surprisingly. A boy will sheepishly like a girls picture, and if he's lucky she might return the favor. Then they could chat and possibly hit it off, all because of the useful website.

Middle School Students To be honest there is not much of a point to having a Facebook in middle school, because these kids are just turning Facebook into Myspace. The girls wear too much make-up and take pictures of themselves in awkward positions thinking they look "hot." These are also the Facebook users that do those annoying quizzes that get posted on your wall that say "Does Johnny think your hot? Click here to see what he said." They request everyone they've ever known in their life, just to accumulate an astounding 350 friends.

Facebook Users

A wide range of people use Facebook almost everyday, it's the biggest social networking site on the web. I'm sure you don't need a synopsis of the site because most of you probably have already checked who wrote on your wall or who has poked you today. **(I love your style here; it’s witty and playful)** It entertains almost everyone, just in different ways. **(Although you don’t need to provide a “synopsis” of how Facebook is used, you do need to show how you will be classifying and dividing the website. Reading through, it looks like you have chosen to do your classification/ division by age. Is it possible to talk more about your method of classification? Why did you choose to classify by age? Are there certain age ranges for each category you have listed?**

Adults This is the group that doesn't really understand the website. Most of them ask their kids for help with setting it up, and get scared at the thought of putting pictures of themselve on the internet, so they often use their children as a replacement. **(Do adults replace their children’s pictures for their own? Can you continue to work with this example? What conclusions can you draw from this practice?)** They say, "Who really wants to see a picture of me anyways? I don't look the same as I do in high school." (**Why are adults afraid to post their pictures, is it because of their age? How do you interpret this response from adults?)** When it comes to choosing friends they are really exclusive, as if it would mean something more to the other person to be part of his or her friends list...like inviting them over for dinner. **(Wonderful observation but can you extend this example further?)**

College Students Facebook is a great thing for college students to have. It's a way to get to know someone. When you graduate from high school you usually get a dorm mate for the next year, you can just look them up on the website and find out that you guys have a few things in common or that it probably won't work out. They also like to have Facebook to upload pictures of themselves and others so everyone can know what their doing and to show their friends from high school what's going on in their life. **(How do college students and adults use Facebook differently? Where is the distinction between the two groups, that is, where is the “division” between the two users? I understand how college students use the web site, but how does it compare with what adults do? A thought to consider: many would argue that college students are adults)**

High School Students Most students in high school use Facebook as a way to pass time. I know people who spend hours "chatting" on Facebook and going through people's pictures and basically just creeping on people. It's kind of pointless but this is the generation that knows the most about how to use the website. **(What is “kind of pointless”? Is it the way high school students use Facebook or is it the younger generation who use Facebook is pointless?)** Teenagers also use this as a way of flirting, surprisingly. A boy will sheepishly like a girls picture, and if he's lucky she might return the favor. Then they could chat and possibly hit it off, all because of the useful website. **(I know a couple of college students who do this as well!)**

Middle School Students To be honest there is not much of a point to having a Facebook in middle school, because these kids are just turning Facebook into Myspace. The girls wear too much make-up and take pictures of themselves in awkward positions thinking they look "hot." These are also the Facebook users that do those annoying quizzes that get posted on your wall that say "Does Johnny think your hot? Click here to see what he said." They request everyone they've ever known in their life, just to accumulate an astounding 350 friends. **What conclusions can you draw about how middle school students use Facebook? What makes them unique from the other users you describe?**

**Kathyrn,**

**Reading through your rough draft I couldn’t help but smile: your piece is smart and intelligent. Good start, here are my suggestions:**

**Paragraph one:** **As I mention in my comments, although you don’t need to provide a synopsis of how Facebook is used, do explain your method of classification/division. Why did you choose this method? Does age matter when using Facebook, if so, why? What conclusions can you draw about age and the usage of Facebook?**

**Paragraph two:** **Your observations about adults are strong but what makes this category of users so distinct? You state:** When it comes to choosing friends they are really exclusive, as if it would mean something more to the other person to be part of his or her friends list...like inviting them over for dinner. ** From your example, what conclusions can you draw about how adults use Facebook? Is it wrong that adults are exclusive when choosing their online friends? If so, why, and if not, why not? **

**Paragraph three** **Most would argue that college students are adults and this challenges how you are classifying/dividing the users of Facebook. For example, in your piece you state:** They also like to have Facebook to upload pictures of themselves and others so everyone can know what their doing and to show their friends from high school what's going on in their life.

**Not only do college students keep up with their friends from through Facebook but older adults do as well. Is it possible to make your method of classification more distinct?**

**Paragraph four and five:** **In the fourth paragraph you note that high school students use Facebook for dating, but don’t college students and adults use Facebook for dating as well? How can you make your division between each user more precise?**

**In paragraph five I note the same idea: what makes middle school users so unique and distinct from the other users you describe?**

**Finally, what conclusions can you draw? By categorizing and dividing Facebook users, what have you learned? Is age an important factor? Is this a good method of categorization and division?**

**If you have any questions shoot me an email. I look forward to seeing your final draft,** **Grady**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; �762 763� due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Facebook Users

A wide range of people use Facebook almost everyday, it's the biggest social networking site on the web. I'm sure you don't need a synopsis of the site because most of you probably have already checked who wrote on your wall or who has poked you today. It entertains almost everyone, just in different ways.

Adults This is the group that doesn't really understand the website. Most of them ask their kids for help with setting it up, and get scared at the thought of putting pictures of themselve on the internet, so they often use their children as a replacement. They say, "Who really wants to see a picture of me anyways? I don't look the same as I do in high school." When it comes to choosing friends they are really exclusive, as if it would mean something more to the other person to be part of his or her friends list...like inviting them over for dinner. My mom will see that a high school classmate requested her and she won't accept because he was "into bad things in high school." They don't realize that technology isn't as intimate as they think it is.

College Students Facebook is a great thing for college students to have. It's a way to get to know someone. When you graduate from high school you usually get a dorm mate for the next year, you can just look them up on the website and find out that you guys have a few things in common or that it probably won't work out. They also like to have Facebook to upload pictures of themselves and others so everyone can know what their doing and to show their friends from high school what's going on in their life. College students use Facebook as a social networking site, not really anything else.

High School Students Most students in high school use Facebook as a way to pass time. I know people who spend hours "chatting" on Facebook and going through people's pictures and basically just creeping on people. It's kind of pointless but this is the generation that knows the most about how to use the website. Teenagers also use this as a way of flirting, surprisingly. A boy will sheepishly like a girls picture, and if he's lucky she might return the favor. Then they could chat and possibly hit it off, all because of the useful website. The high school students will most likely see their friends the next day, so there's no point in writing on their wall. Or else they could just pick up their phone and call or text them, but instead they decide to make it public.

Middle School Students To be honest there is not much of a point to having a Facebook in middle school, because these kids are just turning Facebook into Myspace. Also, when it asks you to join a network, it doesn't ask what middle school you went to. The girls wear too much make-up and take pictures of themselves in awkward positions thinking they look "hot." These are also the Facebook users that do those annoying quizzes that get posted on your wall that say "Does Johnny think your hot? Click here to see what he said." They request everyone they've ever known in their life, just to accumulate an astounding 350 friends.

The many kinds of people on Facebook what it is today. It's a website made for almost everyone, and people can find many uses out for it. It all just depends on how much you put out there, and how much time you want to invest into the website. Every generation grows up with a different amount of technology incorporated into their lives and how the older generations are willing to accept it.

** Kathryn, ** ** Hi, I hope you are doing well and that your weekend is off to a great start. I appreciate the work you have done so far and I am continuing to see the development in your writing. Your second piece raises thoughtful questions and the examples you provide are both insightful and witty. What impresses me about this particular work is that it goes beyond classification and division and verges on the genre of social critique. The second sentence of your introduction grabbed me straight away: **

** “ **** I'm sure you don't need a synopsis of the site because most of you probably have already checked who wrote on your wall or who has poked you today.” **

** This was an inventive move, and I think it gets you into some interesting territory. Let me explain: **

** In the ending sentences of your “Adult” section, you state: “My mom will see that a high school classmate requested her and she won’t accept because he was “into bad things in high school.” They don’t realize that technology isn’t as intimate as they think it is”. It is in these sentences where I can see your authority and sensibility at work­. I agree, many adults do over personalize their experience on the web (my mom does), but what makes this user, this group of older adults, so distinct from the younger generation? Where is the division between the adult user and the middle school user? You note that college students only use FaceBook as a social networking site and not for “anything else”, but don’t adults and college students use the website to connect with old friends? In addition, more than just high school students use Face Book for dating, so how does this challenge your method of division? **

** I raise these questions because you have shown that you are able to work and observe on a deeper level. The territory you have gotten yourself into is good, and it is now a matter of addressing the important questions you raise. **

** Best, ** ** Grady **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; �790 791� due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; �798 799� due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Pageant girls are known as over the top girls. With their nails done, hair done, fake tan, fake teeth, and bedazzled outfits they become a whole new person. The age at which this beings in completely corrupting their childhood. Little girls get the wrong impression of what's important in life, because it definitely isn't about how good you can look.

Parents are putting the little girls into these pageants for several purposes. Some parents like to live through their children, some like to see their child all dolled up to the point it's hard to recognize them, and some parents just do it for the money that their kids can win them. They make television shows about this to maximize the unreality of all of it that society needs to see.

** Kathryn, **

** Hi, I hope you are doing well. I am excited to see your essay develop. Your topic is extremely rich and provocative and it is apparent that you already have arguments in mind. As you proceeded, think about the reasons behind your assertions and the evidence you will use to back up your claims. **

** For instance, you state that some parents put their children in pageants just “for the money,” but are you sure? How do you know this? What convinces you, and what might convince your audience that this is the case? What factual evidence can you use to support this claim? Often times, it is collecting the evidence for your argument that can be the most fun. My question to you, then, is this: what evidence do **// you //** want to use? In my first comment, I asked, “what do the experts say?” Now, it becomes a matter of choosing those experts and using their statements to support your claims. What sources or fields of study do you want to work with? Can you use medical evidence, psychology, or personal interviews with pagent participants? **** How do those experts define beauty pageants and what is their understanding of pageant girls? What might the best evidence be for your particular arguments? **

** In you last paragraph you argue, “television shows maximize the unreality of all of it…” Could one source of evidence be interviews with the producers of these shows? **

** As you write, one suggestion I have is to begin making an outline of your arguments. What are your main points/claims? Is there any particular order for these claims? What evidence will you use to support each of your assertions? **

** Lastly, begin thinking about an intro. You have two more revisions ahead but it is not too early to think about how you will introduce your reader to your topic. Here are some questions you might consider/address in the opening or throughout the paper: **

** What is the common understanding of a beauty pageant? How do you define it? Is your definition diffrent from popular opinon? What **** is your understanding of a pageant girl? What is the process of preparing a young child for a pageant? **

** I hope this helps and I look forward to working with you on this paper! **

** Best, **

** Grady **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.05.11; �806 807� due 04.08.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

=
Glowing with confidence a toddler gracefully struts down the catwalk with obnoxiously tan skin to match her teeth, hair, nails and over the top outfit. She moves and acts with the aged demeanor of an old and bitter supermodel trapped in the young and innocent body of 6 year old girl. This is the life of a child pageant star. Driven by obsessive, washed-up mothers who think their daughter is the prettiest child to ever walk the planet, these girls are forced out of the sandbox and into the penetrating lights of the beauty pageant stage. Forced away from the creativity and playfulness of childhood they are transformed into superficial walking Barbie dolls. This is a crime that should not exist in modern society and it is a crime that needs to stop. =====

=
Childhood beauty pageants are corroding the innocence of thousands of little girls each and every year. Groomed and trained like show dogs, girls that should be focused on nothing more than their recess plans are given problems and situations which they should not need to confront at such an early stage in life. They are given make-up, clothes and a lifestyle completely unsuitable for a child. It will then become a habit for the girls to fall into. =====

=
As the girls prance around before judges of all kinds paid to translate the playful actions of a child into a numerical score, the most critical eyes within the room belong to their mothers. When asked how she could possibly top dressing her daughter as a sexy super hero or over-the-top pop performer who made wearing lingerie on stage an everyday thing, Lorraine “Lala” Loopier (pronounced Loo-pee-ay) said that when you have a gorgeous little blonde daughter with “the look,” the sky is the limit. (glossynews.com) Driven by the tantalizing prospects of secondhand fame and a 5,000 dollar prize, these mothers put their children through unthinkable atrocities dragging them along the road for countless hours to participate in something that they've all been brainwashed into. =====

Hi, Kathryn. See my comments below:

Glowing with confidence a toddler gracefully struts down the catwalk with obnoxiously tan skin to match her teeth, hair, nails and over the top outfit. She moves and acts with the aged demeanor of an old and bitter supermodel trapped in the young and innocent body of 6 year old girl. **(Powerful start)** This is the life of a child pageant star. Driven by obsessive, washed-up **(How do you know these mothers are “washed-up?”)** mothers who think their daughter is the prettiest child to ever walk the planet, these girls are forced out of the sandbox and into the penetrating lights of the beauty pageant stage. Forced away from the creativity and playfulness of childhood they are transformed into superficial walking Barbie dolls. This is a crime that should not exist in modern society and it is a crime that needs to stop. **(Your last sentence is striking: is this really a “crime”?)**

Childhood beauty pageants are corroding the innocence of thousands of little girls each and every year. Groomed and trained like show dogs, girls that should be focused on nothing more than their recess plans are given problems and situations which they should not need to confront at such an early stage in life. **(What are the “problems” and “situations” you are speaking of here? What kind of problems are these girls facing? Also, what are the proper problems and situations girls this age should be facing?)**

They are given make-up, clothes and a lifestyle completely unsuitable for a child. **(Good job here; now continue to explain in detail. What evidence can you use to support your claim that this is an unsuitable lifestyle for children? What evidence will you use to support your claim?)** It will then become a habit for the girls to fall into. **(How do you know that this will become a “habit that girls will fall into”? What research or other evidence shows that girls will continue to participate in pageants throughout their lives?)**

As the girls prance around **(is “As the girls prance around” functioning as an introductory clause? If so, it needs a comma: “As the girls prance around, the Judges are paid to…”)** before judges of all kinds paid to translate the playful actions of a child into a numerical score the most critical eyes within the room belong to their mothers. **(If I am reading this sentence correctly, it is the mothers who are more critical than the judges, right? )**

**(Always introduce your quote and its author so your reader does not mistake the author’s words for yours. For example, you might say “In the online tabloid glossynews.com, John Doe states…) (see my closing comments about the use of this website)**

When asked how she could possibly top dressing her daughter as a sexy super hero or over-the-top pop performer who made wearing lingerie on stage an everyday thing, Lorraine “Lala” Loopier (pronounced Loo-pee-ay) said that when you have a gorgeous little blonde daughter with “the look,” the sky is the limit. (glossynews.com) **(glossynews.com? I have never heard of this site?)** Driven by the tantalizing prospects of secondhand fame and a 5,000 dollar prize, these mothers put their children through unthinkable atrocities dragging them along the road for countless hours to participate in something that they've all been brainwashed into. **(what are these unthinkable atrocities?)**

**Kathryn,**

**The passion and energy you bring to this topic is striking. After reading your piece, I am left wondering: are mothers and fathers who put their children in beauty** **pageants really criminals? What makes this a criminal act? Can you point to evidence that shows beauty pageants are seriously harmful to young children? If so, why should the general public be concerned with what parents to do with their children? Is putting a child in a beauty pageant equal to physical and psychological child abuse?**

**Also, in the beginning of your piece you note that beauty pageants are a habit of washed up mothers, it’s a bold claim, but how do you plan to prove this to your audience? How do you know these parents are washed-up? Doesn’t it take a lot of resources and money to prepare children for these pageants, if so, does this still make them washed up?**

**In your second paragraph, you mention the “problems” and “situations” pageant girls face, but what are those problems/situations? How are they any different from what other children go though? How can you show that these situations and problems are harmful? What problems and situations should girls be facing at this age?**

**As I noted in my comments, be sure to introduce your quote and the author of that quote before putting it into your text so that your reader does not confuse the author’s words for your own which is considered plagiarism. We can talk more about citation on Monday when you stop by.**

**While I do not question your use of “glossynews.com”, I wonder how you are working with this website to support your argument. Is this website a legitimate source for factual information, or are you using this website to show how beauty pageants are often the target of humorous publications? On the title page of their website it states, “GlossyNews.com: very close to the truth…,” and also GlossyNews.com: Facty, Trustworthyful and Honestish” Like their titles suggest, I doubt that they are the most factual source of information, but this is okay. The more important question is how you plan to use this information in your argument. If you click on the “about glossy news” section on the title page, the website states that they are an “accredited online satirical publication” so with this in mind, are you sure you want to use their article as fact? Make sure to thoroughly check the evidence you use before putting it in your paper. Again, this is not to say you can’t use this article, but know why and how this article supports your argument.**

**If you have any questions or concerns shoot me an email, I am looking forward to meeting with you on Monday.**

**Best,**

**Grady**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (2) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.13.11; �814 815� due 04.15.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Glowing with confidence a toddler gracefully struts down the catwalk with obnoxiously tan skin to match her teeth, hair, nails and over the top outfit. She moves and acts with the aged demeanor of an old and bitter supermodel trapped in the young and innocent body of 6 year old girl. This is the life of a child pageant star. Driven by obsessive, washed-up mothers who think their daughter is the prettiest child to ever walk the planet, these girls are forced out of the sandbox and into the penetrating lights of the beauty pageant stage. Forced away from the creativity and playfulness of childhood they are transformed into superficial walking Barbie dolls. This is a wrongdoing that should not exist in modern society and it is a crime that needs to stop.

Childhood beauty pageants are corroding the innocence of thousands of little girls each and every year. Groomed and trained like show dogs, girls that should be focused on nothing more than their recess plans are given problems and situations which they should not need to confront at such an early stage in life. These girls are put into waxing chairs at salons at unbelievable ages ** (What ages these "unbelievalbe" ages? How young are these girls? What effects does waxing have, if any, on their body?) ** They start spray tanning around the same time they start kindergarten. ** (Continue to discuss the importance of age. Could spray tanning ultimatley be a habit these girls "fall into"? Like we discussed in class, is it possible to talk about child development here? Do the habits that we learn as youngsters stay with us untill we are adults? What factual evidence can you use to show your reader that the habits we learn as children stay with us as we grow older? **** ) **

They are given make-up, clothes and a lifestyle completely unsuitable for a child. Their childhood is time for these girls to be young and careless, not all dolled up. It will then become a habit for the girls to fall into. They will begin to believe that they look better with make up caked on rather than looking natural. ** ( See my comment above about child development. Also, why is it important for children to look natural rather being 'caked' with make up? In your first paragaph, you do an excellent job of discussing the appearnce of pageant girls ["obnoxiously" tan skin, teeth, hair, etc.] how does make up influence this obnoxious 'look' and 'style'. What connection can you make between your assertion here [they will begin to beleive that they look better with make up caked on...] and your observations in the first paragaph? Is there evidence you can use to show your audience the negative aspects of wearing make-up? **

As the girls prance around, before judges of all kinds paid to translate the playful actions of a child into a numerical score the most critical eyes within the room belong to their mothers. (**Ok,** ** What happens as the girls prance around? For example: As the girls prance around, the audience screams with excitment. In your sentence you have "As the girls prance around, before judges of all kinds.." Who is the subject of this sentence? In the example above, it is the audience. "the audience screams". It seems like in your sentence that you are talking about the judges. How aboud this **** : As the girls prance around, judges are paid to translate...) **

When asked how she could possibly top dressing her daughter as a sexy super hero or over-the-top pop performer who made wearing lingerie on stage an everyday thing, Lorraine “Lala” Loopier (pronounced Loo-pee-ay) said that when you have a gorgeous little blonde daughter with “the look,” the sky is the limit. (glossynews.com) Driven by the tantalizing prospects of secondhand fame and a 5,000 dollar prize, these mothers put their children through unthinkable atrocities dragging them along the road for countless hours to participate in something that they've all been into. **(Remember what we discussed about this source. Know why you are using this peice of evidence.** **You can go back to my comments in your first draft for more information)**


 * Kathryn,**
 * I see your argument developing. You might consider extending your arguments about natural vs. artifical. As I mention in my comments, you do a great job of explaining the** **appearance** **of pagent girls and I think you can connect this with your observations about make-up, tanning, and waxing. What effects do these procedures have on young girls? to do this, you might consider looking at medical evidence or consulting experts in child development. What is your understanding of these body enhancements? Why is ok for adults to get these procedures done and not children? Why is looking natural more important than looking artifical?**


 * Best,**


 * Grady**

Glowing with confidence a toddler gracefully struts down the catwalk with obnoxiously tan skin to match her teeth, hair, nails and over the top outfit. She moves and acts with the aged demeanor of an old and bitter supermodel trapped in the young and innocent body of 6 year old girl. This is the life of a child pageant star. Driven by obsessive, washed-up mothers who think their daughter is the prettiest child to ever walk the planet, these girls are forced out of the sandbox and into the penetrating lights of the beauty pageant stage. Forced away from the creativity and playfulness of childhood they are transformed into superficial walking Barbie dolls. This is a wrongdoing that should not exist in modern society and it is a crime that needs to stop.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; �822 823� due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Childhood beauty pageants are corroding the innocence of thousands of little girls each and every year. Groomed and trained like show dogs, girls that should be focused on nothing more than their recess plans are given problems and situations which they should not need to confront at such an early stage in life. These girls are put into waxing chairs at salons at unbelievable. They start spray tanning around the same time they start kindergarten. All these things done now to achieve “beauty”, will become costly and dangerous in their future. Obviously, none of these beautifying strategies are free and some are even harmful. Spray tanning could turn into tanning in a tanning bed and that will cause skin cancer.

They are given make-up, clothes and a lifestyle completely unsuitable for a child. Their childhood is time for these girls to be young and careless, not all dolled up. It will then become a habit for the girls to fall into. They will begin to believe that they look better with make up caked on rather than looking natural.

As the girls prance around with all eyes on them, before judges of all kinds paid to translate the playful actions of a child into a numerical score the most critical eyes within the room belong to their mothers.

When asked how she could possibly top dressing her daughter as a sexy super hero or over-the-top pop performer who made wearing lingerie on stage an everyday thing, Lorraine “Lala” Loopier (pronounced Loo-pee-ay) said that when you have a gorgeous little blonde daughter with “the look,” the sky is the limit. (glossynews.com) This is satirical towards the show because saying the sky is the limit for these girls is saying they can do almost anything in their stroller, as long as their mother pushes them. Driven by the tantalizing prospects of secondhand fame and a 5,000 dollar prize, these mothers put their children through unthinkable atrocities dragging them along the road for countless hours to participate in something that they've all been into.


 * Kathryn,**

**Hi. As I have mentioned previously, thank you for all the hard work you have done this semester. I enjoy seeing your writing develop and I hope you do too. I also want to thank you for your willingness to continually revise and reshape your work. One aspect that I have found consistent throughout your writing is the passion and energy you bring to each one of your topics. Whether you were defining fortune, critiquing Facebook, or exposing the dangers of beauty pageants, you have important observations and statements to make. For instance, in the conclusion of this piece you write, “Driven by the tantalizing prospects of secondhand fame and a 5,000 dollar prize, these mothers put their children through unthinkable atrocities…” Here, it strikes me that you have directed your critique towards the mothers of these young girls; and indeed, it raises extremely provocative questions about beauty, parenting, and childhood. Do you think all parents have too much control over their children’s lives, or is it just the mothers of pageant girls? Do consider these parents unfit for parenting? Another moment that sticks out to me is when you give your reading of the GlossyNews.com article. You write of the website that it “is a satirical towards the show because saying the sky is the limit for these girls is saying they can do almost anything in their stroller, as long as their mother pushes them” I love the analogy you are working with here. Are the ambitions of pageant girls only as high as their strollers? Are pageant girls helpless without their mothers? Or as your argument suggests, it is “washed up” mothers who are helpless without their children?**

**Looking at the entirety of your work, I am continually impressed that you raise such important questions and that you are willing to critique everyday institutions. To improve upon your arguments and to make them even stronger, I would suggest that you continue to ask questions not only of the people and issues you write about, but of your own writing. For instance, you state that Beauty Pageants are a “wrong doing that should not exist in modern society and it is a crime that needs to stop” Again, this is a strong argument, but I am still left asking at the end of your paper why are these pageants a “crime”? What makes the act of putting your daughter in a pageant criminal? Is putting a child in a beauty pageant equal to physical and psychological abuse? If this is indeed the case, why and how should the public get involved? Your writing is so passionate that I want to know more: How is she going to prove her claims? What evidence will she use? How will the writer show me that pageants are indeed harmful to children? I agree with you, pageants are a little creepy, but are they really “criminal”? In all of your work, it is apparent that you have the augments you want to make, but in order to make those arguments stronger, writers must question their own assertions. For instance, how might pageant mothers respond to your claim that they are “washed-up” and “obsessive”? Can you see beauty pageants as a way to boost confidence? Your writing from this semester has shown me that you are ready to engage with these questions and this is indeed the next step.**

**Taking account of all the work you have done, I am curious to know, what do you feel is your strongest piece? What writing are you most proud of? Which writing did you enjoy working on the most? Was it your first definition assignment? Your classification/division piece? Or is it your final argument paper? Which piece was the hardest? Why was it this piece? Did anything get in the way of writing? Time constraints? My comments?**

**Again, thank you for your hard work.**

**Grady** **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **