Alex+Baranosky+6-M.A.

Roosevelt Student: 6-M.A.
 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **


 * Hello Mitch! **


 * My name is Alex Baranosky and I am a junior at Drake. I am excited for this Ex/Change Through Writing that we will be collaborating on together. I am an Education major and I hope to teach English, Speech and Theatre when I graduate, and am hoping that this experience will help me provide better feedback. My job will be to look at your writing and work with you on the enhancing the writing. I am very much looking forward to the semester ahead! **


 * Take care, **


 * Alex Baranosky **

Hey Alex,

As you know, my name is Mitch and I'm a junior at Roosevelt. I'm extrememly active, with cross-country in the fall, swimming in the winter, and tri's in the summer. When I'm not running, swimming, or biking, I'm either doing homework or relaxing. In my spare time (what little of it I have) I enjoy hanging out with friends and playing video games. As far as school goes, I'm actually much more interested in science (hopefully med school eventually) but english is o.k. Grades are one of my fortes, so I do my best in all my papers, so they might not be the perfect, but hopefully they won't be horrible. I'm looking forward to getting feedback and improving my writing over the course of this semester.

Talk to you soon, Mitch P.S. I don't write this imformally in most of my papers, so you don't have to worry about that. Furthermore, Mrs. Lange said that you weren't supposed to correct the grammer of our paper, but feel free to anyways ha.

We're testing the iPads, so hopefully you can see this. The definition paper is due next class period so we'll see how it goes!
 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; **171** due 01.28.11 **) **

Communication The act of reading, such as reading this paper, is one of the infinite forms of communication. Communication occurs in many forms and began along with the beginning of life. It started simple, but has evolved in to an elaborate form of sounds and movements. Communication is best described as the interaction of two or more living things where an idea or multiple ideas are transferred and understood, and is the only way to achieve success on a large scale. The most obvious form of communication is verbal. Verbal communication consists of an individual expressing a thought with the use of structured sounds that the audience can understand. This is typically done through a common language or with words that both the speaker and audience recognize. Furthermore, verbally expressed ideas only consist of about seven percent of communication. The remaining ninety three percent is nonverbal. Facial expressions, body movement and language, the distance between speaker and audience, and tone or pitch of the speaker's voice are merely a few examples of nonverbal communication. However, the most important form of communication is a reaction from the listener. If no reaction or change has occurred, the topic of discussion was not adequately conveyed. Communication with a tree cannot exist because a tree will not respond to the idea expressed whereas communication with a dog can be quickly observed by anyone. Communication is used every day and is extremely important. When two or more individuals are working towards a common goal, high-quality communication must be used and the ideas transferred must be understood. The form does not matter, as long as both individuals can comprehend and act upon the topic discussed.


 * I'm still confused on what the conclusion paragraph is supposed to be like, or if the rest of my paper is right for that matter ha. **


 * Mitch- **

**I will write in a color so we can keep track of my responses.**


 * I think the topic you have selected is incredibly interesting, and important! You do a nice job of introducing the audience to communication, and then focusing in on exactly what you want to talk about: verbal communication and responses. Can you give your reading audience more of a "thesis" statement for the rest of the paper? This might allow you to come back and fix the issues with the conclusion paragraph. (Is the last paragraph here the 'conclusion'?) **


 * As you continue to revise, here are some other hints and tips: **


 * - re read the paper outloud to your self **
 * - there is some awkward phrasing in the first few sentences... "Communication occurs in many forms..." **


 * - formulate a strong thesis statement that can help set up the rest of the paper **


 * - you make some statistical claims "7%... 93%..." etc - do those need to have a source? **


 * Keep up the good work, I think the definition you give for communication is a good one. **


 * Alex **


 * PS. Take confidence in your writing - just like you would as you get ready to do a tri! **


 * Revision - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.31.11; **171** due 02.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

<span style="display: block; font-family: Calibri; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;">Communication Paragraph ﻿ Most people can agree that communication with a tree is near impossible due to a tree’s inability to respond, but that communicating with a dog is rather easy because they seem to enjoy displaying their understanding of commands. However, when transmissions are obscured or misinterpreted, communication even with other humans can be unattainable. Can you give more of a transition sentence?a bit awkward still In today’s society, communication is best described as the interaction of two or more living things where an idea or multiple ideas are transferred and understood, and can be broken down into three essential parts: verbal, nonverbal, and a reaction. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-decoration: line-through; text-indent: 0.5in;">Paragraph The most obvious form of communication is verbal. Verbal communication consists of an individual expressing a thought with the use of structured sounds that the audience can understand and is typically done through a common language or with words that both the speaker and audience recognize. As Oliver Wendell Holmes who is this? why do we care what he says? states, “Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.” Verbal communication is one of the first skills a young child will learn and is also one of the most important. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-decoration: line-through; text-indent: 0.5in;">Paragraph However, verbally expressed ideas only consist of about seven percent of communication (Heathfield). The remaining ninety three percent is nonverbal. Facial expressions, body movement and language, the distance between speaker and audience, and tone or pitch of the speaker's voice are merely a few examples of nonverbal communication. Nonverbal communication is the most complex form of communication because there are an infinite amount of movements or changes in voice that can be made, all signifying a different mode or intention. mode or mood? The complication is doubled by the fact that nonverbal communication is easily misconstrued and is not as concrete, making it more likely to not even be noticed. how is it misconstrued? can you give an example, or anecdotal story?

<span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-decoration: line-through; text-indent: 0.5in;">Paragraph Trumping all other characteristics of communication, the most important aspect is a reaction from the listener. If no reaction or change has occurred, the topic of discussion was not adequately conveyed. Furthermore, an unintended reaction can signify a lapse in effective communication. As Margaret Millar explains, “Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.” Without a response, words may be shared, but communication is not occurring. <span style="color: #ff0000; font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-decoration: line-through; text-indent: 0.5in;">Paragraph Communication is used every day and is extremely important. It is extremely complex and is constantly changing. Productivity of an individual is usually based on their abilities to communicate. Whether that be verbally, nonverbally, or reacting to the statements of others, it is vital that one can adapt and learn new tricks instead of being rooted in the same place forever.

<span style="display: block; font-family: Calibri; font-size: small; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> New Page Work Cited Page · Heathfield, Susan M. "Nonverbal Communication - Listen With Your Eyes - Tips for Understanding Nonverbal Communication." //Human Resources - Business Management Development Jobs Consulting Training Policy Human Resources//. Web. 28 Jan. 2011. <http://humanresources.about.com/od/interpersonalcommunicatio1/a/nonverbal_com.htm>.

· "Language Quotes and Sayings." //The Quote Garden - Quotes, Sayings, Quotations, Verses//. Web. 01 Feb. 2011. <http://www.quotegarden.com/language.html>.

· "Speaking Quotes, Communication Sayings." The Quote Garden - Quotes, Sayings, Quotations, Verses. Web. 01 Feb. 2011. <http://www.quotegarden.com/speaking.html>.

P.S. Idk if it bothered you but as you can see, I put in paragraph and page indicators
 * I hope that this lookes more like an essay and less like a reading from a textbook. I think that if flows much better in is more exciting ha. Is the conclusion ok? I focused more on bringing the paper to a nice close than summerizing, is that ok?**

Great revisions! I think the whole paper flowed a lot better, and by giving a strong, clear thesis at the start - it allowed for the paper to flow from topic to topic. Tell us why we care about the quotes you included and why those people are important or why the quote is important.

The conclusion does a nice job of wrapping up the paper and bringing it to a close, and I love the "rooted in" and learn new tricks parts. Very clever.

I think there is still room for expansion of some ideas and thoughts.

A very strong revision.

Alex
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Definition ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.02.11; **171** due 02.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Communication Most people can agree that communication with a tree is near impossible due to a tree’s inability to respond, but that communicating with a dog is rather easy because they seem to enjoy displaying their understanding of commands. Nevertheless, when transmissions are obscured or misinterpreted, communication even with other humans can be unattainable. However, when all goes as planned, communication is best described as the interaction of two or more living things where an idea or multiple ideas are transferred and understood, and can be broken down into three essential parts: verbal, nonverbal, and a reaction. The most obvious form of communication is verbal. Verbal communication consists of an individual expressing a thought with the use of structured sounds that the audience can understand and is typically done through a common language or with words that both the speaker and audience recognize. As Oliver Wendell Holmes - an American physician, professor, lecturer, and author - states, “Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.” Verbal communication is one of the first skills a young child will learn and is also one of the most important. However, verbally expressed ideas only consist of about seven percent of communication (Heathfield). The remaining ninety three percent is nonverbal. Facial expressions, body movement and language, the distance between speaker and audience, and tone or pitch of the speaker's voice are merely a few examples of nonverbal communication. Nonverbal communication is the most complex form of communication because there are an infinite amount of movements or changes in voice that can be made, all signifying a different mood or intention. The complication is doubled by the fact that nonverbal communication is easily misconstrued and is not as concrete, making it more likely to not even be noticed. Trumping all other characteristics of communication, the most important aspect is a reaction from the listener. If no reaction or change has occurred, the topic of discussion was not adequately conveyed. Furthermore, an unintended reaction can signify a lapse in effective communication. As Margaret Millar explains, “Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of a witness.” Without a response, words may be shared, but communication is not occurring. Communication is used every day and is extremely important. It is extremely complex and is constantly changing. Productivity of an individual is usually based on their abilities to communicate. Whether that be verbally, nonverbally, or reacting to the statements of others, it is vital that one can adapt and learn new tricks instead of being rooted in the same place forever.

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Work Cited Page · Heathfield, Susan M. "Nonverbal Communication - Listen With Your Eyes - Tips for Understanding Nonverbal Communication." //Human Resources - Business Management Development Jobs Consulting Training Policy Human Resources//. Web. 28 Jan. 2011. <http://humanresources.about.com/od/interpersonalcommunicatio1/a/nonverbal_com.htm>.

· "Language Quotes and Sayings." //The Quote Garden - Quotes, Sayings, Quotations, Verses//. Web. 01 Feb. 2011. <http://www.quotegarden.com/language.html>.

· "Speaking Quotes, Communication Sayings." The Quote Garden - Quotes, Sayings, Quotations, Verses. Web. 01 Feb. 2011. [].


 * Alex, I'm soooo sorry. I had the essay done on friday, I just forgot to post it!**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #1 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.08.11; **171** due 02.11.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

I think that throughout the course of writing this paper, my fluency improved the most. Making me read the awkward sentences out loud made me realize how out of place they truly were. Looking ahead to my next paper, structure of my first drafts tend to be lacking in the structure department so I'm sure I'll need a lot of help with that. Thank you so much for suggesting ways for me to give my paper more life, instead of sounding like a textbook.

Mitch - I am glad that my suggestions were able to help you and 'guide' you as you write. As we work on the next one, I hope to be able to continue to provide you with useful guidance. And remember, my suggestions are just that, suggestions - you can always ignore them and go a different direction. However, I think many of the suggestions we talked about that day at Drake were really helpful. I will continue to post thoughts and ideas within the paper itself, as that seemed to yield the best results! A great paper was the result of YOUR hard work, if you go back and read the firs draft, second, and final, you will see what an improvement was made. Kudos to you! (sorry my reflection is SO late)

Take care,

Alex


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; **171** due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Being able to communicate is an essential skill. However, realizing the proper form of communication is equally important. Communication can be classified into two basic categories, casual greeting and formal discussion.

A casual greeting is exchanged between two or more people who do not know, or know little, of the person they are talking with. This division can be further separated into a quick hello and a casual chat. A quick hello is just that, strangers or acquaintances (of whom little knowledge is known) simply saying hello in some form to be polite or to avoid social awkwardness. The causal discussion is a little bit deeper, but still only scraps the top of communication. A casual conversation could be shared at a party, a seminar, or anywhere where it is possible to meet someone new and have a conversation. This differs from a quick hello because names, hometowns, and all other forms of information are exchanged between the participants. However, this is not a formal discussion because facts acquired are only stored in the short term memory. Details are quickly forgotten, and if the individuals meet again, only faces, and possibly names, are remembered, but nothing more.

<span style="font-family: Calibri; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: .5in 1.0in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in 3.5in 4.0in 4.5in 5.0in 416.25pt; tabstops: .5in 1.0in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in 3.5in 4.0in 4.5in 5.0in 416.25pt;">A formal discussion is much more complex than a casual greeting. Parallel to the casual greeting, a formal discussion is held between more than one **?persons?**, but unlike a casual greeting, in a formal discussion, the partakers either start, or end with ample information of the others involved. Formal conversation can be further divided into an important acknowledgement, an informative exchange, and a friendly chat. An important acknowledgement closely matches a casual conversation but is more significant. An important acknowledgement happens when two people meet each other for first time and exchange names, life stories, and multiple other facts, but these facts(for any number of reasons) are stored in ones long term memory. An important acknowledgement leads to further informative exchanges, or friendly chats. An informative exchange occurs between a teacher and a student, or any combination where one person possesses knowledge that the other would benefit from knowing. In contrast, a friendly chat takes place between friends or family. In a friendly chat, information is exchanged and remembered, but there is no guarantee that the listener will benefit from the exchange **?(i.e. how was your day?)?**.

<span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">To be a functioning member of society, both forms of conversation must be understood and seamlessly used. Furthermore, the ability to switch between sub-parts is equally important. Realizing the different parts of communication, a casual greeting and a formal discussion, is a complex skill, but an extremely important one.

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Bus Riding Small Talk or Discovering the Meaning of Life? Context to this question? What is the proper response when the stranger who held the door open says that he had a horrible day and that you have a mid-term paper due soon? How productive can a student be when a teacher answers important questions with a simple //howdy//? Knowing what to say based on the environment and situation is an extremely important skill, and is only achievable by knowing the different levels of communication, which can be broken down into casual greetings and in-depth discussions. I do not think the thesis is a run-on. You present the knowledge that is needed, and give your classification/division to communication. However.. I would re-word the thesis. A casual greeting is exchanged between two or more people who do not know, or know little of the person they are talking with. This division can be further separated into a quick hello and a casual chat. A quick hello is a brief greeting shared to be polite or friendly. This is the form of communication that the stranger at the door needs to touch up on because it obviously is not socially acceptable to share life stories with strangers. <great coming back to the opening sentence The causal discussion is a little bit deeper, but still only scraps (scrapes?) the top of communication. A casual conversation could be shared at a party, on the bus, or anywhere where it is possible to meet someone new and have a conversation. This differs from a quick hello because names and limited amounts of information are exchanged between the participants. However, this is not a formal discussion because facts acquired are only stored in the short term memory. Details are quickly forgotten, and if the individuals meet again, only faces, and possibly names, are remembered, but nothing more. ( A formal discussion is much more complex than a casual greeting. Parallel to the casual greeting, a formal discussion takes place between multiple people, but unlike a casual greeting, in a formal discussion the partakers either start, or end with ample information of the others involved. Formal conversation can be further divided into an important acknowledgement, an informative exchange, and a friendly conversation. An important acknowledgement closely matches a casual conversation but is more significant. An important acknowledgement happens when two people meet each other for first time and exchange names and other forms of information, that is still limited, but these facts(for any number of reasons) are stored in ones long term memory. An important acknowledgement leads to further informative exchanges, or friendly conversations. An informative exchange occurs between a teacher and a student, or any combination where one person possesses knowledge that the other would benefit from knowing. ) I am hoping you can see the little red parentheses..from the first to the second parentheses the sentences seem fast, chopped and busy. Can you add some variety in the sentence structure? Add small examples of each kind of communication for the reader to process each one more - and give more of a break between each. This is the form of communication that the student wished her teacher would partake in. In contrast to an informative exchange, a friendly conversation takes place between friends or family. In a friendly chat, information is exchanged and remembered, but there is no guarantee that the listener will benefit from the exchange. To be a functioning member of society, both forms of conversation must be understood and seamlessly used. Furthermore, being able to know when to comment about how your day is or when to just say “what’s up” is and tremendously vital ability. Realizing the different parts of communication, a casual greeting and a formal discussion, is a complex skill, but an extremely important one. re-read this list paragraph - some typos I think.
 * The intro and conclusion need some work (I guess nothing changes ha). I also had some grammer questions and questions of how it integrate something into the essay (I made them bold because for some reason it won't let me change the color). Sorry for it being late!**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; **171** due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * Is my thesis a run on?**

Mitch! You have been busy! I hope the notes you left with after our meeting last week were helpful. We hashed out a lot of great ideas. I am going to post feedback to the lovely titled "BusRiding Small Talk or Discovering the Meaning of Life?" --- great work on the title, btw.

A great revision to the paper. I think what we talked about last week really helped. I would still like to see more examples, not a ton, but short ones like the "whats up" at the end, really help add clarity to the reader.

As always, read your paper out loud and catch those typos and awkward sentences. I thought the most awkward part was the ending. I would re word the sentence "Realizing the different parts of communication, a casual greeting, and a formal discussion is a complex skill, but an extremely important one."

Let me know if you have any other questions!

Alex
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; **171** due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Bus Riding Small Talk or Discovering the Meaning of Life? What is the proper response when the stranger who held the door open says that he had a horrible day and that you have a mid-term paper due soon? You bring up the "un receptive" person here, but never again? How productive can a student be when a teacher answers important questions with a simple //howdy//? Both of these situations can be irritating, and rather creepy. The environment and context play a huge part in a dialogue and conversationalists must be able to adapt to these changes, a skill only achievable by knowing the different levels of communication, which can be broken down into casual greetings and in-depth discussions. Based on the intro, i am not completely sure where the paper is going. Can you clarify a thesis statement, or break it down into more than one? You have a lot of information that all sounds similar A casual greeting is exchanged between two or more people who do not know, or know little of the person they are talking with. This division can be further separated into a quick hello and a casual chat. A quick hello is a brief greeting shared to be polite or friendly. ** What happens if the brief greeting is not nice? The hello is mean, that person is irritable that day? ** This is the form of communication that the stranger at the door needs to touch up on because it obviously is not socially acceptable to share life stories with strangers. Who is it acceptable to share life stories with? The causal discussion is a little bit deeper, but still only scrapes the top of communication. A casual conversation could be shared at a party, on the bus, or anywhere where it is possible to meet someone new and have a conversation. Again, what happens if one of the two parties are not receptive? Are there social cues or reactors that we need to watch for? This differs from a quick hello because names and limited amounts of information are exchanged between the participants. However, this is not a formal discussion because facts acquired are only stored in the short term memory. Details are quickly forgotten, and if the individuals meet again, only faces, and possibly names, are remembered, but nothing more. Are there more situations where this is the case? What about in business, when people meet lots of people throughout a day, week, or month - and are expected to remember names, occupations, etc? Are there tools we can use so we can bring up these facts again in discussion? A formal discussion is much more complex than a casual greeting. Parallel to the casual greeting, a formal discussion takes place between multiple people 1 person, 2 people, 10 people, 25 people? , but unlike a casual greeting, in a formal discussion the partakers either start, or end with ample information of the others involved. Formal conversation can be further divided into an important acknowledgement, an informative exchange, and a friendly conversation. An important acknowledgement closely matches a casual conversation but is more significant. An important acknowledgement happens when two people meet each other for first time only for the first time? and exchange names and other forms of information, home address? phone numbers? social security numbers? spouse names? job? what facts are exchanged and viewed as important? that is still limited, but these facts (for any number of reasons) are stored in ones long term memory. This is always true? What if the facts are not, does this change the type of conversation if the facts are exchanged but not remembered? This is the type of communication that would take place between to people on a blind date. An important acknowledgement, therefore leads to further informative exchanges, or friendly conversations. An informative exchange occurs between a teacher and a student, or any combination where one person possesses knowledge that the other would benefit from knowing. This is the form of communication that the student wished her teacher would partake in. In contrast to an informative exchange, a friendly conversation takes place between friends or family. In a friendly chat, information is exchanged and remembered, but there is no guarantee that the listener will benefit from the exchange. <span style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: .5in 1.0in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in 3.5in 4.0in 4.5in 5.0in 416.25pt;"> To be a functioning member of society, both forms of conversation must be understood and seamlessly used. Furthermore, being able to know when to comment about how your day was or when to just say “what’s up” is a tremendously vital ability. Realizing the different parts of communication - a casual greeting and a formal discussion - is a complex skill, but an extremely important one. Can you give us more of a conclusion? I would really like you to explore what would happen if one of the parties was not receptive of a certain type of conversation? If you were going for a friendly chat, and someone else just wanted to exchange a greeting, what happens to the information that you are sharing? Are they receptive? Are they remembering it? Are you getting anything out of it ? I thought this final draft of the paper looked very polished. I really enjoy how much your own voice can come through. I would still like you to watch some word choice and sentence structures (come of as creepy) <--- was a bit odd... <span style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; tab-stops: .5in 1.0in 1.5in 2.0in 2.5in 3.0in 3.5in 4.0in 4.5in 5.0in 416.25pt;">**Although this is the final, Mrs. Lange is letting us make revisions based on your comments before we turn in a graded hard copy. So...feel free to comment as normal so I can get as many points as possible, thanks :)**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; **171** due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; **171** due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

In 2009, 61.3 percent of Americans were considered overweight or obese (webmd.com). Obviously, something must be done, and it is much easier to introduce new ideas to children that it is to change the ways of an adult, so why not start with them? The concept of gym is extremely important, however, there is a fatal flaw in its execution. High school athletes should not be required to take gym as the current law requires. Only high school athletes? Why not everyone? **Do people take P.E. outside of high school?** There are two minor, and two major reasons why gym is an unnecessary burden on an athlete. A small example of the increased hardships caused by gym is sweat. This not only affects athletes, but also most other students taking gym, and even a majority of the student body. When a student participates in gym to the standards that are call an //A//, they tend to work up a sweat doing whatever the activity of the week happens to be. Afterwards, either due to a lack of time or the attempt to avoid socially awkward situations, showering is not required or even recommended. That student or athlete must now go through the rest of the day feeling dirty and his or her colleagues must also suffer due to the odor given off during hard physical activity (commonly known as B.O.). In addition, gym requires an entire block. What if I do not know what a block is? **I Did end up adding a sentence, but see questions about target audience below first revision (Mrs. Lange would know what a block is)** This block could be used for another class more suited to the student’s or athlete’s future major or career choice, or used as a release period to allow an athlete time to complete homework or even catch up on some much needed sleep. There are also two major threats that gym possess to an athlete: an injury or a ruined training schedule. A majority of activities preformed in gym either require or allow for human to human contact. This allows for injuries that can range from minor scrapes and cuts to season ending wounds, something that both athletes and coaches fear. Another problem is a ruined training schedule, mainly towards the end of a season. In the world of swimming, taper is everything!!! Could other people in the gym class get injured? Tapering is allowing the body to rest before a big meet (such as conference, districts, or state) therefore having a completely recovered body that is ready to swim faster than ever. To do this, a coach cuts the yards swam during practice into a small fraction of what the swimmers are used to. However, a taper is based around the idea that strenuous activity is not merely filled by another source (such as gym), that the strain on the body is simply reduced. The participation required in gym can ruin this concept and even ruin someone’s race. There are three main reasons why an argument might occur about letting athletes opt out: gym keeps kids in shape, gym is a team-building and teamwork focused class, and that it would be hard to keep track of all the athletes to make sure that they are actually at practice and participation. Is this the thesis to your argument? It sounds like it, but it appears somewhat late in the paper after I have already read much about your argument. **We have to address the other side of the agruement, so I think I just neet a better introduction, any ideas?** However, all of these have simple explanations or solutions. To start, gym does attempt to give kids or teenagers a strong base for living a healthier lifestyle. However, sports can do this to an even greater extent. Only sports? What about other extra curricular activities? Or other classes that can help students live a healthier life? Since sports are not required, and done on an athlete’s free will, he or she is more likely to push their body, or give 110% effort that is critical to living a healthy life. In addition, the fact that athletes are there by their own will, coaches can push them much harder than a gym teacher would be allowed to push and average student. The argument of being a team building class is easily countered This is an awkward phrase. "The argument of being a team building class...." . If someone does not develop a sense of teamwork after spending 1-3 hours every single day will a group of people with similar goals, they will certainly not achieve that with an hour every other week day with a large group of random people. Furthermore, keeping track of athletes would be no harder than taking attendance in class is. If an athlete shows up the practice, they are marked present. If they skip practice, an absence is marked. If a coach is unsure about whether an athlete’s participation at least matches what would be required in class, they can note that an the athlete can suffer a reduced grade Are you saying the athletes receive a grade for participating in their sport? **Yes ha! We have a gym program where people are graded on their participation in activities outside of the school day. If this isn't clear, how could I make it more clear? or** a gym teacher could come observe a practice and determine the best course of action. Gym is and extremely important part of a high school curriculum because it gives everyone the knowledge of ways to achieve and maintain a healthy life. However, these very same values (and more) can be instilled with greater effectiveness from a coach. High school athletes should not be required to take gym because they achieve everything gym has to offer through their own practices and meets/games.

What happens to your argument if I say a debate student should not be required to take english courses because he/she gains writing and speaking and reading skills through debate? Your argument is a good one however, and I can see both sides. Work on really making the point of the importance of the athlete, and remember you are advocating taking AWAY a class from students - so beef up your argument about why that is okay. Receiving grades for the sport? More concrete ideas as opposed to "they can push themselves". Nothing says a student in a sport is any more likely to push him or herself than a student in a gym course.

Keep re-reading, there were several awkward phrases and missing words perhaps.

Hope you can see the orange okay! :)

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Work Cited · "Percentage of Overweight, Obese Americans Swells." WebMD - Better Information. Better Health. Web. 29 Mar. 2011. [].


 * I wanted to add a quote from the gym teacher just to see what he said, but he had to go to the hospital before I could ask him, so that might be coming in a later revision. **
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.05.11; **171** due 04.08.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

In 2009, 61.3 percent of Americans were considered overweight or obese (webmd.com). Obviously, something must be done, and it is much easier to introduce new ideas to children than it is to change the ways of an adult, so why not start with them? The concept of gym is extremely important, however, there is one fatal flaw in its execution. High school athletes should not be required to take gym as the current law requires because they receive all the benefits of P.E. in an environment more enjoyable for them. There are two minor, and two major reasons why gym is an unnecessary burden on an athlete. A small example of the increased hardships caused by gym is sweat. Sweat not only affects athletes, but most other students taking gym as well, and even a majority of the student body. When a student participates in gym to the standards that are called an //A//, they tend to work up a sweat doing whatever the activity of the week happens to be. Afterwards, either due to a lack of time or the attempt to avoid socially awkward situations, showering is not required or even recommended. The student or athlete must now go through the rest of the day feeling dirty and his or her classmates must also suffer due to the odor given off during hard physical activity (commonly known as B.O.). In addition, gym requires an entire block. Blocks are similar to periods of a day, but they are an hour and a half long and students attend 4 blocks a day, alternating between A and B day, rather than 8 periods every day. This block could be used for another class more suited to the athlete’s future major or career choice, or used as a release period to allow an athlete time to complete homework or even catch up on some much needed sleep. There are also two major threats that gym possess to an athlete: an injury and a ruined training schedule. A majority of activities preformed in gym either require or allow human to human contact. This creates a possibility for injuries that can range from minor scrapes and cuts to season ending wounds, something that both athletes and coaches fear. Although every student enrolled in gym is at risk of injury, these injuries are most harmful to an athlete because if a student is sat out for a week for a sprained ankle, they might experience some pain, but at the end of the week when it’s fully healed, there are no long term effects. In contrast, if an athlete misses a week, not only does that make his competition a week stronger than him or her, but they actually get weaker during their down time, giving the competition a much larger advantage. Another problem is a ruined training schedule, mainly towards the end of a season. In the world of swimming, taper is everything!!! Tapering is allowing the body to rest before a big meet (such as conference, districts, or state) therefore having a completely recovered body that is ready to swim faster than ever. To do this, a coach cuts the yards swam during practice into a small fraction of what the swimmers are used to. However, a taper is based around the idea that strenuous activity is not merely filled by another source (such as gym), that the strain on the body is simply reduced. The participation required in gym can ruin this concept and even ruin someone’s race. There are three main reasons why an argument might occur about letting athletes opt out: gym keeps kids in shape, gym is a team-building and teamwork focused class, and that it would be hard to keep track of all the athletes to make sure that they are actually at practice and participation. However, all of these have simple explanations or solutions. To start, gym does attempt to give kids or teenagers a strong base for living a healthier lifestyle. However, sports can do this to an even greater extent. Since sports are not required, and done on an athlete’s free will, he or she is more likely to push their body, or give 110% effort that is critical to living a healthy life since the vast choices offered allow for an individual to find something that they truly enjoy. In addition, the fact that athletes are there by their own will, coaches can push them much harder than a gym teacher would be allowed to push an average student. The argument of being a team building class is easily countered. If someone does not develop a sense of teamwork after spending 1-3 hours every single day will a group of people with similar goals, they will certainly not achieve that with an hour every other week-day with a large group of random people. Furthermore, keeping track of athletes would be no harder than taking attendance in class is. If an athlete shows up the practice, they are marked present. If they skip practice, an absence is marked. If a coach is unsure about whether an athlete’s participation at least matches what would be required in class, they can note that and the athlete can suffer a reduced grade or a gym teacher could come observe a practice and determine the best course of action. Gym is and extremely important part of a high school curriculum because it gives everyone the knowledge of ways to achieve and maintain a healthy life. However, these very same values (and more) can be instilled with greater effectiveness from a coach. High school athletes should not be required to take gym because they achieve everything gym has to offer through their own practices and meets/games.

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Work Cited · "Percentage of Overweight, Obese Americans Swells." WebMD - Better Information. Better Health. Web. 29 Mar. 2011. [].


 * I answered most of your questions right after they were asked, so see the last essay to see how I feel about them :)**
 * And, I guess I don't really know who my target audience //should// be, so I wrote assuming that it was Mrs. Lange.**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (2) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.13.11; **171** due 04.15.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

In 2009, 61.3 percent of Americans were considered overweight or obese (webmd.com). Obviously, something must be done, and it is much easier to introduce new ideas to children than it is to change the ways of an adult, so why not start with the kids? The concept of physical education is extremely important, however, there is one fatal flaw in its execution. High school athletes should not be required to take gym as the current law requires because they receive all the benefits of P.E. in an environment more enjoyable for them. There are two minor, and two major reasons why gym is an unnecessary burden on an athlete. A small example of the increased hardships caused by gym is sweat. Sweat not only affects athletes, but most other students taking gym as well, and even a majority of the student body. When a student participates in gym to the standards that are called an //A//, they tend to work up a sweat doing whatever the activity of the week happens to be. Afterwards, either due to a lack of time or the attempt to avoid socially awkward situations, showering is not required or even recommended. The student or athlete must now go through the rest of the day feeling dirty and his or her classmates must also suffer due to the odor given off during hard physical activity (commonly known as B.O.). In addition, gym requires an entire block. Blocks are similar to periods of a day, but they are an hour and a half long and students attend 4 blocks a day, alternating between A and B day, rather than 8 periods every day. This block could be used for another class more suited to the athlete’s future major or career choice, or used as a release period to allow an athlete time to complete homework or even catch up on some much needed sleep. There are also two major threats that gym possess to an athlete: an injury and a ruined training schedule. From volleyball to two-hand-touch rugby, P.E. either allows or requires human to human contact. This creates a possibility for injuries that can range from minor scrapes and cuts to season ending wounds, something that both athletes and coaches fear. Although every student enrolled in gym is at risk of injury, these injuries are most harmful to an athlete because if a student is sat out for a week for a sprained ankle, they might experience some pain, but at the end of the week when it’s fully healed, there are no long term effects. In contrast, if an athlete misses a week, not only does that make his competition a week stronger than him or her, but they actually get weaker during their down time, giving the competition a much larger advantage due to an unfair risk. Another problem is a ruined training schedule, mainly towards the end of a season. In the world of swimming, taper is everything!!! Tapering is allowing the body to rest before a big meet (such as conference, districts, or state) therefore having a completely recovered body that is ready to swim faster than ever. To do this, a coach cuts the yards swam during practice into a small fraction of what the swimmers are used to. However, a taper is based around the idea that strenuous activity is not merely filled by another source (such as gym), that the strain on the body is simply reduced. The participation required in gym can ruin this concept and even ruin someone’s race. There are only three main reasons why someone might argue that student athletes should be required to take P.E.: gym keeps kids in shape, gym is a team-building and teamwork focused class, and that it would be hard to keep track of all the athletes to make sure that they are actually at practice and participation. However, all of these have simple explanations or solutions. To start, gym does attempt to give kids or teenagers a strong base for living a healthier lifestyle. However, sports can do this to an even greater extent. Since sports are not required, and done on an athlete’s free will, he or she is more likely to push their body, or give 110% effort that is critical to living a healthy life since the vast choices offered allow for an individual to find something that they truly enjoy. In addition, the fact that athletes are there by their own will, coaches can push them much harder than a gym teacher would be allowed to push an average student. Furthermore, most coaches already talk a little about eating healthy, so getting them to increase their emphasis would be no problem at all. If a student was not satisfied with the coaches teaching ability, a health or even a sports health class could be taken. Future actors can take drama so why shouldn’t athletes have a class they can take? The argument of being a team building class is easily countered. If someone does not develop a sense of teamwork after spending 1-3 hours every single day will a group of people with similar goals, they will certainly not achieve that with an hour every other week-day with a large group of random people. Furthermore, keeping track and grading athletes would be no harder than taking attendance in class is. As with normal P.E. students, student athletes would start with 100% and be deducted with each absence, which is not a problem because most coaches take role anyways. If a coach is unsure about whether an athlete’s participation at least matches what would be required in class, they can note that and the athlete can suffer a reduced grade or a gym teacher could come observe a practice and determine the best course of action. <span style="font-family: 'Calibri','sans-serif'; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;">The central ideas of P.E. are valid concepts, but they are not suited to everyone. These very same values (and more) can be instilled with greater effectiveness from a coach. High school athletes should not be required to take gym because they achieve everything gym has to offer through their own practices and meets/games.

<span style="display: block; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"> Work Cited · "Percentage of Overweight, Obese Americans Swells." WebMD - Better Information. Better Health. Web. 29 Mar. 2011. <http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20100210/percentage-of-overweight-obese-americans-swells>.


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; **171** due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

In 2009, 61.3 percent of Americans were considered overweight or obese (webmd.com). Obviously, something must be done, and it is much easier to introduce new ideas to children than it is to change the ways of an adult, so why not start with the kids? The concept of physical education is extremely important, however, there is one fatal flaw in its execution. High school athletes should not be required to take gym as the current law requires because they receive all the benefits of P.E. in an environment more enjoyable for them. Is this a good thesis? They receive the benefits because it is fun? There are two minor, and two major reasons why gym is an unnecessary burden on an athlete. Somewhat confusing structure. Can you title the sections? A small example of the increased hardships caused by gym is sweat. Sweat not only affects athletes, but most other students taking gym as well, and even a majority of the student body. When a student participates in gym to the standards that are called an //A//, they tend to work up a sweat doing whatever the activity of the week happens to be. Afterwards, either due to a lack of time or the attempt to avoid socially awkward situations, showering is not required or even recommended. The student or athlete must now go through the rest of the day feeling dirty and his or her classmates must also suffer due to the odor given off during hard physical activity (commonly known as B.O.). In addition, gym requires an entire block. Blocks are similar to periods of a day, but they are an hour and a half long and students attend 4 blocks a day, alternating between A and B day, rather than 8 periods every day. This block could be used for another class more suited to the athlete’s future major or career choice, or used as a release period to allow an athlete time to complete homework or even catch up on some much needed sleep. <span style="font-family: Calibri; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">There are also two major threats that gym possess to an athlete: an injury and a ruined training schedule. From volleyball to two-hand-touch rugby, P.E. either allows or requires human to human contact. This creates a possibility for injuries that can range from minor scrapes and cuts to season ending wounds, something that both athletes and coaches fear. Although every student enrolled in gym is at risk of injury, these injuries are most harmful to an athlete because if a student is sat out for a week for a sprained ankle, they might experience some pain, but at the end of the week when it’s fully healed, there are no long term effects. In contrast, if an athlete misses a week, not only does that make his competition a week stronger than him or her, but they actually get weaker during their down time, giving the competition a much larger advantage due to an unfair risk. Another problem is a ruined training schedule, mainly towards the end of a season. In the world of swimming, taper is everything!!! Tapering is allowing the body to rest before a big meet (such as conference, districts, or state) therefore having a completely recovered body that is ready to swim faster than ever. To do this, a coach cuts the yards swam during practice into a small fraction of what the swimmers are used to. However, a taper is based around the idea that strenuous activity reduced, not merely replaced by a different source, such as gym. The participation required in P.E. can ruin, ruin a race, or even ruin a dream (if scouts were present). <span style="font-family: Calibri; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">There are only three main reasons why someone might argue that student athletes should be required to take P.E.: gym keeps kids in shape, gym is a team-building and teamwork focused class, and that it would be hard to keep track of all the athletes to make sure that they are actually at practice and participation. However, all of these have simple explanations or solutions. To start, gym does attempt to give kids or teenagers a strong base for living a healthier lifestyle. However, sports can do this to an even greater extent. Since sports are not required, and done on an athletes’ free will, he or she is more likely to push their body, or give 110% effort that is critical to living a healthy life since the vast choices offered allow for an individual to find something that they truly enjoy. In addition, the fact that athletes are there by their own will, coaches can push them much harder than a gym teacher would be allowed to push an average student. Furthermore, most coaches already talk a little about eating healthy, so getting them to increase their emphasis would be no problem at all. If a student was not satisfied with the coaches teaching ability, a health or even a sports health class could be taken. Future actors can take drama so why shouldn’t athletes have a class they can take? <span style="color: #800000; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">Remember what we talked about when you visited, that making the case for making sports like a class, is a really good argument. Give it its own section and a little more attention. In what ways can teachers be involved in that process? Parents? Punishments for not meeting standards, etc. <span style="font-family: Calibri; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;"> The argument of being a team building class is easily countered. If someone does not develop a sense of teamwork after spending 1-3 hours every single day will a group of people with similar goals, they will certainly not achieve that with an hour every other week-day with a large group of random people. Furthermore, keeping track and grading athletes would be no harder than taking attendance in class is. As with normal P.E. students, student athletes would start with 100% and be deducted with each absence, which is not a problem because most coaches take role anyways. If a coach is unsure about whether an athlete’s participation at least matches what would be required in class, they can note that and the athlete can suffer a reduced grade or a gym teacher could come observe a practice and determine the best course of action. <span style="font-family: Calibri; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">The central ideas of P.E. are valid concepts, but they are not suited to everyone. These very same values (and more) can be instilled with greater effectiveness from a coach. High school athletes should not be required to take gym because they achieve everything gym has to offer through their own practices and meets/games. <span style="color: #800000; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">﻿Beef up your conclusion. Think of it as a time that you can one last time persuade your audience to go with you. Remind us of your claims, and make that sales pitch one last time.

<span style="color: #800000; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">Mtich - look back over what we talked about last you visited. We made some great notes that will really help a final paper. I still think the argument seems one sided, why cant a debate kid skip english? A kid in the science bowl skip science class. Is there a way to briefly explore these questions without becoming offensive? Maybe they are best left for another paper or another argument. Regardless, focus on breaking up those main ideas, and maybe titling them each - it may keep your audience more organized. Work on that last argument, look at those questions I posed, and as well as the conclusion.

<span style="color: #800000; margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: 0.5in;">Alex

Work Cited <span style="margin-bottom: 10pt; margin-left: 1in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 0in; text-indent: -0.25in;"> · "Percentage of Overweight, Obese Americans Swells." WebMD - Better Information. Better Health. Web. 29 Mar. 2011. <http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20100210/percentage-of-overweight-obese-americans-swells>.


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **