Lauren+Jacobs+6-S.P.

Roosevelt Student: 6-S.P.

Hello. My name is Sierra and I'm a junior at Roosevelt. I like to play sports. At Roosevelt I play softball and tennis. I also enjoy going to basketball and football games. In my spare time I like to be with my friends and family. My favorite class is photography and I really love science. My favorite class is physics. English is not one of my strongest subjects. I have lots of ideas but have trouble getting them on paper in a way that makes sense to the people reading it. My introductions and conclusion pretty much always suck. So I would really like to work on sentence funency and my introductions and conclusions. Writing will be important in my future. I will need to improve my skills for college and my teaching career. I really think that with your experience and one on one help you will be able to greatly improve my skills. Thanks! :) -Sierra.
 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **

Dear Sierra,

Hello! My name is Lauren Jacobs. I’m your partner for the Ex/Change Through Writing! I am a junior here at Drake, double majoring in Secondary Education and English. As little bit about me: I am from a suburb of Chicago. I like to keep myself pretty busy, from my job at the School of Education on campus to my music fraternity Sigma Alpha Iota to basically all of my classes. I have wanted to be an educator since Elementary School, and English has always been my favorite subject. At first I did not know what to make of this program, but I honestly think it will be quite an interesting process. As a side note, I do not know much about wikis aside from one I made freshman year, so I hope I can figure this out! Writing cannot only enhance learning, but also is a prime source for expression, ideas, etc. The writing process is different with everyone, so as a partnership throughout this semester I believe we can help each other with our own writing. Please feel free to ask me anything. You can contact me at lauren.jacobs@drake.edu or on here I think. I really look forward to working with you on this project!

Sincerely,

Lauren

That sounds awesome! Can't wait to meet you!

Although most people do not know the true meaning of a nutrient while they are reading the back of a food package, it is important to know what they are. Some foods may be low in calories but have no nutritional value. Continued consumption of the food may cause a deficience. Because consumers only look at fat content and calories, most do not realize that majority of foods contain high sodium, which could lead to high blood pressure and heart problem. In the U.S. a very high percent of women are iron deficient because they do not recieve the proper nutrients. A nutrient can be organic or inoganic. Essential nutrients cannot be synthesized by an organism so they must be acquired through consumption. Some nutrients are carbohydrates, fats, proteins, amino acids, and vitamins; which are all organic. Some inorganic nutrients are minerals, water, and oxygen. Whithout nutrients a living organism can suffer from deficiences which can lead to serious illness or death. Nutrients are metabolized to do jobs in the organism. After metabolisium they can be used to repair damaged tissue or build new tissue or convert to energy. In America with the popuarity of fad diets, people are forgetting the essential nutrients in healthy diets that cannot be produced by your body. If everyone knew the true defintion of a nutrient they would think twice about depriving themselves of them.
 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; **171** due 01.28.11 **) **

Sierra,

I like that you look at different aspects of what it means to be a nutrient, not just the scientific aspect of it, but also how it is used as well. There is always more than one part to a definition. I think that your essay could use more of a defining introduction. I really like the material you have chosen to define a nutrient. I know you said that you have issues with openings and conclusions, so I’ll try to help you with that.

Think about how you define the word “nutrient.” What is it? Is it a multi-part definition? If you had to explain it to someone, how would you format your response? Would you leap right into explaining, or introduce it first before going into more depth? It seems like you are doing the first part. I think it would flow better if you gave it more of a structure. Think about what your thesis is for the paper. What is it you are trying to say? What is the paper about? I think a thesis will also help you formulate an introduction easier too.

I also think there could be more. Nutrients have so many uses both in and out of the body. Look at your paper and ask yourself: am I satisfied that I said everything? It’s not about length, it’s about are you satisfied that you said everything you wanted to explain in defining nutrient. Unless you need a certain length, then ignore this comment.

For the first paragraph, comments like the last one: “In the U.S. a very high percent of women are iron deficient because they do not receive the proper nutrients,” is there a study or source for something like that? I’m just saying because a statement like that to me would have more of an impact if it came from a source or a quote, you know?

I like the point you make in the conclusion. Instead of just defining what a nutrient is, I think you take it a step farther in stating how know the definition of a nutrient could really help people. I like that. Reading it though, I feel as if something is missing, like there should be something in between the two sentences. Is there more you wanted to say on the subject? You dig so much in the other two paragraphs, but then you just kind of let it trail off in the conclusion.

You mention in the first paragraph how people neglect looking at nutrients, and here you continue that thought process with a specific example like diet fads, so is there more you could do with that? How would knowing the definition help with fads? What would the impact be? How does all of this fit under the definition umbrella? Make sure to keep the notion of what a definition is in the back of your mind as you revisit your paper for your next draft.

I really hope my comments are helpful! I tried to focus on content and organization over something like mechanics. Let me know if there’s something that you are feeling iffy about or I could explain better.

Lauren

In America with the popuarity of fad diets, people are forgetting the essential nutrients in healthy diets that cannot be produced by your body. If everyone knew the true defintion of a nutrient they would think twice about depriving themselves of them. They are called essential nutrients for a reason, because an organism requires them to function a grow correctly. Since most diets purposely exclude certain foods, certain nutrients can accidnetly be looked over. Without the essential nutrients a person can suffer from serious deficiencies.
 * Revision - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.31.11; **171** due 02.01.11 **) **

A nutrient can be organic or inoganic. Essential nutrients cannot be synthesized by an organism, so they must be acquired through consumption. Some nutrients are carbohydrates, fats, proteins, amino acids, and vitamins; which are all organic. Even though it seems like vitamins are good for your body, an over dose of vitamins could also result with serious consequences. Some inorganic nutrients are minerals, water, and oxygen. Whithout nutrients a living organism can suffer from deficiences which can lead to serious illness or death. Nutrients are metabolized to do jobs in the organism. After metabolizing, they can be used to repair damaged tissue or build new tissue or convert to energy.

Although most people do not know the true meaning of a nutrient while they are reading the back of a food package, it is important to know what they are. Some foods may be low in calories but have no nutritional value. Continued consumption of the food may cause a deficiency. Since consumers only look at fat content and calories, most do not realize that majority of foods contain high sodium, which could lead to high blood pressure and heart problem. Although sodium is an essential nutrient that is needed to be healthy, too much can also have serious effects. One should learn the correct amount of nutrients necessary for a healthy lifestyle.

Sierra,

Much more organized! It feels more well-rounded now than it did the first time, so good job. I recommend now reading through your paper slowly to check things like spot any mechanic problems or to check on the flow. You can also read it out loud if you choose to. I find it helps to read through something, not just out-loud, to make sure what was in my head came out on the paper properly and if what I typed didn’t come out jumbled. The opener now sounds like an opener, so good job on that. Reading the conclusion, I feel like you need one last concluding sentence at the end of the paragraph. I can see you trying to connect between the first two paragraphs. I think the one connection you still need is to tie back to the definition since the focus of the essay is definitions. One last wrap-up thought to tie in the overall focus of the paper as defining the nutrient.

~Lauren


 * FINAL - Definition ( ****RHS** due 02.02.11; **171** due 02.04.11 **) **

In America with the popularity of fad diets, people are forgetting the essential nutrients in healthy diets that cannot be produced by your body. If everyone knew the true definition of a nutrient they would think twice about depriving themselves of them. They are called essential nutrients for a reason; because an organism requires them to function grow correctly. Since most diets purposely exclude certain foods, certain nutrients can accidentally be looked over. Without the essential nutrients a person can suffer from serious deficiencies.

A nutrient can be organic or inorganic. An organism cannot synthesize essential nutrients, so they must be acquired through consumption. Some nutrients are carbohydrates, fats, proteins, amino acids, and vitamins; which are all organic. Even though it seems like vitamins are good for your body, an over dose of vitamins could also result with serious consequences. Some inorganic nutrients are minerals, water, and oxygen. Without nutrients a living organism can suffer from deficiencies, which can lead to serious illness or death. Nutrients are metabolized to do jobs in the organism. After metabolizing, they can be used to repair damaged tissue or build new tissue or convert to energy.

Although most people do not know the true meaning of a nutrient while they are reading the back of a food package, it is important to know what they are. Some foods may be low in calories but have no nutritional value. Continued consumption of the food may cause a deficiency. Since consumers only look at fat content and calories, most do not realize that majority of foods contain high sodium, which could lead to high blood pressure and heart problem. Although sodium is an essential nutrient that is needed to be healthy, too much can also have serious effects. One should learn the correct amount of nutrients necessary for a healthy lifestyle. In order to accomplish this one needs to know the true definition of a nutrient.

Sierra,

Yay! Now I can a structure to the paper that is well-rounded. Nice job on that! I think you definitely listened to my suggestions and took a different look at your paper. The opening sounds like an opening and the conclusion now sounds like a conclusion. I think it definitely needed that last sentence to tie back to the paper as a whole. The mechanics of your paper have also improved as well. I can definitely see that! Looking at the paper as a whole now that it is finished, I really do like how you responded to the notion of a definition essay. A definition is a complex concept, and I like that you took a slightly different idea and ran with it. I’m very curious to see what you do with the other essays. Nice job and I look forward o reading more of your writing!

~Lauren

During our first experience with this wikispace project, I feel like you have helped me take steps into bettering my writing. I more fully understand the purpose of a conclusion. It really helped to think of it less as a summary and more as "what do I have left to say?" I think that is something that will not only help this writing but ones in the future. The suggestion to switch the order of my paragraphs also helped improve my paper. With hlep and advice my opener also sounds a lot better. It actually sounds like an introduction instead of a random sentence or two. On my next paper I would just like to continue help with my introduction, structure, and conclusion. Thanks for your help on this first paper!
 * REFLECTION #1 ****( ****RHS** due 02.08.11; **171** due 02.11.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Well, I'm not really getting what this essay is but I'm giving it a shot. Hopefully it's headed in the right direction.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; **171** due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * These comments are basically what I told you in our conference on Wednesday, so I'm sorry it took so long for me to get them up!** **I really do like this essay, and I think with just a little tweeking you will be all set!**

There are such a wide variey of nutritents. Most are essential for living. There are six specific nutrients essential for human life; water, charbohydrates, proteins, fats, viatimns, and minerals. Since your body is made of almost fifty percent water, the consumption of water is extremely important. Although there is no energy made from water it plays an important role in the body. It helps transport other nutrients from cell to cell. It also helps regulate your body heat. Charbohydrates are the main source of energy for your body. There are two types of charbohydrates, simple and complex. Sipmle charbohydrates come form sugars and are absorbed too easily and cause blood sugar to rise fast. Complex charbohydrates are absorbed more slowly and are healthier. Proteins are essentail to the structure of youre body. They are the building block of the tissuse and muscles in youre body. They also help transport things in the body. **"Things" - like what? What do proteins help transport?** Fats are stored energy. Fats are stored in the body and are used when excersicing and exerting energy. Saturated fats, usually from anial meant, are unhaelthy andlikly to cause heart problems. Unsaturated fats are much healthier, usually from vegetable oils. Viatimns are essential nutrients your body can't make that usually help with body regualtion. **Is there anything else vitamins do? Are there any examples you can give of specific ones?** Minerals compounds such as calcuim that cannot be produced in your body. They do not produce enegy. **You have such full descriptions for the others until you get to these last two. I think with more research you could add a bit more to the last two paragraphs. Think about questions like: What else do they do? Why are they called mineral compounds? Are there any specific examples you can give? The focal point of a classification essay is the categories, right? So think about //why// they are categorized that way when describing each of the specific nutrients.**


 * I honestly do think that you are headed in the right direction. You even have an introduction that works, so I think you are doing well in the respect. I think if you add more of an explanation to the last two paragraphs (and that can be just because of research), then I think you will be in good shape. For the conclusion, my advice would be to think about the importance of categories. You did something similar in your previous essay as a way to wrap-up your thoughts, so if you want to continue with this essay, think about questions like: What makes them important? Is there a scientific reasoning to classifying each type of nutrient? I hope my comments help!**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; **171** due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

There are such a wide variey of nutritents. Most are essential for living. There are six specific nutrients essential for human life; water, charbohydrates, proteins, fats, viatimns, and minerals. **Just as a comment about this opening: I like that you don't just state something like "Classification is categorizing certain items into different groups. Here is how you categorize nutrients..." It isn't necessary to do something like that in specifically stating. You can just leap right into the subject, which is what you do, which I think is much better than specifically (or rather formulaic) stating what and how you are going to categorize. Your opening flows easier this way.** Since your body is made of almost fifty percent water, the consumption of water is extremely important. Although there is no energy made from water it plays an important role in the body. It helps transport other nutrients from cell to cell. It also helps regulate your body heat. Charbohydrates are the main source of energy for your body. There are two types of charbohydrates, simple and complex. Sipmle charbohydrates come form sugars and are absorbed too easily and cause blood sugar to rise fast. Complex charbohydrates are absorbed more slowly and are healthier. Proteins are essentail to the structure of youre body. They are the building block of the tissuse and muscles in youre body. They also help transport things in the body. Fats are stored energy. Fats are stored in the body and are used when excersicing and exerting energy. Saturated fats, usually from anial meant, are unhaelthy andlikly to cause heart problems. Unsaturated fats are much healthier, usually from vegetable oils. Viatimns are essential nutrients your body can't make that usually help with body regualtion. There are two kinds of vitamins, water-soluble and fat-soluble. Water-soluble need to be replenished more because they can not be stored in the body. Some examples of water-soluble vitamins are C and B vitamins. Fat-soluble vitamis on the other hand are stored in fat. Vitamins A, D, E, and K are all fat-soluble. Some examples of the way vitamins are essential are vitamin D, which helps your bones grow and vitamin A which helps your eyesight. **I can definitely see you did more research! I think this paragraph fits into a classification now that there is more description. The same goes for the paragraph below.** Minerals compounds such as calcuim that cannot be produced in your body. They do not produce enegy. Calcuim is an important mineral, that needs vitamin D to be absorbed, that helps bones grow. Another is iron, which helps in the formation of red blod cells in the body. Potassium keeps the nervous system in tack.


 * Sierra,**


 * I would read through it again to see if there is anything you want to add to the individual paragraphs; if there is anything you remembered or came across in your research that you did not include but wanted to, to help with the description and distinction of each type of nutrient. Think about what makes something a nutrient, since it's the focal point of a classification essay when they are broken down into different groups.**


 * Also, read through the paper slowly. It will help since you don't have a spell-check and the like. If I just went and did it now on my computer, I don't think you would be able to see what I fixed. I know it's annoying because you don't have the red squiggles to help you. Tell me if you do or do not want me to fix issues like that. I don't want to be too controlling.**


 * Conclusion - I think if you just add a conclusion to your paper, you will be in good shape. Think about what we talked about in class and what I mentioned in the first draft's comments. In order to keep the fluidity of your paper, if you connect the conclusion's wrap-up back to what a classification is, the paper then can feel more complete as if comes full circle. I think if you just add a conclusion, you will be all set!**


 * ~Lauren**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; **171** due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

There are such a wide variety of nutrients. Most are essential for living. There are six specific nutrients essential for human life; water, carbohydrates, proteins, fats, vitamins, and minerals. Since your body is made of almost fifty percent water, the consumption of water is extremely important. Although there is no energy made from water it plays an important role in the body. It helps transport other nutrients from cell to cell. It also helps regulate your body heat. Carbohydrates are the main source of energy for your body. There are two types of carbohydrates, simple and complex. Simple carbohydrates come form sugars and are absorbed too easily and cause blood sugar to rise fast. Proteins are essential to the structure of your body. They are the building block of the tissues and muscles in your body. They also help transport things in the body. Fats are stored energy. **How do they get into the body? Do they come from a specific source at all?** Fats are stored in the body and are used when exercising and exerting energy. Saturated fats, usually from animal meant, are unhealthy and likely to cause heart problems. Unsaturated fats are much healthier, usually from vegetable oils. Vitamins are essential nutrients your body can't make that usually help with body regulation. Minerals are compounds such as calcium that cannot be produced in your body. It is important to categorize nutrients to get the correct amount of each essential nutrient. When one is missing vitamins in a healthy diet, taking in more proteins cannot make it up. To stay healthy one must in take the correct amount of nutrients from each category.
 * What makes them essential for living? Why those specific six? What makes them stand out from the other "most"? **
 * Can you change the amount of water in your body? Does it ever change over time? If it does change, how does this affect the body and water’s role in it?**
 * What happens when they rise too fast? What kind of an impact does that have on your body?** Complex carbohydrates are absorbed more slowly and are healthier.
 * What kinds of “things” do they transport? Is their role as transporters part of what makes them essential?** One of the most important things proteins are used for are hemoglobin. Hemoglobin are part of the red blood cells which carry oxygen throughout the body.
 * Why are they called “saturated” and “unsaturated”? Does it have something to do with their purpose or their properties?**
 * If your body can’t make them, then where do they come from? Why can’t your body make them?** There are two kinds of vitamins, water-soluble and fat-soluble. Water-soluble need to be replenished more because they cannot be stored in the body.
 * Why are they called “water-soluble”? Does it have to do with why they can’t be stored in the body?** Some examples of water-soluble vitamins are C and B vitamins. Fat-soluble vitamins on the other hand are stored in fat.
 * What exactly is “soluble”? How does that play into why the vitamin does? Or why it’s named?** Vitamins A, D, E, and K are all fat-soluble.
 * It’s good that you have included examples, especially in a sea of science ideas, a non-science reader can grasp onto a concept (in this case a vitamin) that they are familiar with.** Some examples of the way vitamins are essential are vitamin D, which helps your bones grow and vitamin A, which helps your eyesight.
 * This is proving why they are essential. This is good. When explaining why something is essential, prove it. In this case, providing examples and explanations is a strong way to do so versus just stating they are essential, listing some examples, and leaving it at that.**
 * How are they compounds? If they cannot be produced in your body, how do you get them?** They do not produce energy. Calcium is an important mineral, that needs vitamin D to be absorbed, that helps bones grow. Another is iron, which helps in the formation of red blood cells in the body. Potassium keeps the nervous system in tack.
 * I like that you went into why it’s important to categorize in the conclusion. I think that’s a good way to wrap up a categorization essay.**

**I apologize that it has taken so long for me to respond to you on this final draft. Despite that, I lately have been learning new ways of responding to writing, and it's starting to make me change my approach. So that's why my response to this draft (and most likely future ones) is different than previously.**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; **171** due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Everyday there are new scientific discoveries in the world that make our lives easier, but are all these advances healthy? New studies have beem genetically modifying our fruits and vegetables to make new, better, larger products. Scientists extract genes from things like other produce or animals, and inject them into a fruit or vegetable. In doing so, scientist can make produce that is resisent to pest without the use of pestiscides. The general population has mixed feelings on using gm foods.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; **171** due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * How do you know this? What evidence is there? Is there an article, study, commentary, protest, etc. that you can point to and go: “This is what people are saying about how they feel!”** Some feel like it is a good way to make larger crops faster, but others feel that it might be dangerous to intake these new genes.
 * This sentence is confusing**. **For example, your use of the word “intake.” Are you referring to people eating them? The genes being placed in the foods themselves? And what do you mean by “larger crops faster”? The sentence itself, in the way you word everything, seems a bit of a mouthful, and it loses the smoothness from the paragraph that you had going so well.** Although scientists feel these gm foods are safe to eat, but this is not always the case.
 * What is “gm”? I know what you mean, but to a larger audience, the sudden use of an acronym without introducing it first creates confusion.**

In 2007, scientist in Austrailia took genes from a kidney bean and injected them into a pea.
 * I love that you use a study! In an argument essay, especially when you are talking about a scientific subject, studies are key to backing up your point. I’m curious about why the scientists injected kidney bean genes into a pea. Why a kidney bean and a pea? What did that do to the pea? How did that genetically alter the pea? What was their reasoning behind it? How is the act like how scientists genetically modify the fruits or vegetables you describe in the first paragraph?** After testing the pea on a mouse, they found that the genes caused a great reaction on the mouse.
 * Did they feed the pea to the mouse? What kind of a reaction was it? Did the mouse die?** This was not the case when they fed the kidney bean to the mouse. It is concluded that there was a bad reaction between the forgien gene and the genes in the peas.
 * How many mice were negatively affected? Did it have a positive effect at all?** There was also a test on gm potatoes.
 * What was added to the potatoes? Why potatoes? Why what was added?** The potatoes tested severly harmed the rats, causing significant damage to their interal organs and immune system.
 * How many rats of the study weren’t harmed? What was the percentage (if available) of harmed versus unharmed?** Austrailian scientist concluded that when injecting forgein genes into other organisms the reaction in the organism is extremely unpredictable.(Smith) When the organisms reaction is unpredictable, how can we predict human reaction to the gm foods.
 * How have people reacted to gm foods so far? Have their been any negative reactions like those in the mice or the rats? Someone can read that and say: “Well, it’s only bad for animals, not humans. You don’t mention humans.” Discuss the human aspect of it to, if you can, given that you are arguing the harmful effects on humans from gm foods. I think it would strengthen your argument farther than just mentioning the one study on mice and rats. You do pose a really good question at the end of this paragraph, and I think to add to the severity of the issue, I think examining humans specifically as well would help.**

Genetically modified foods can also harm the environment. Just one field of gm foods can concaminate many fields of organic crops.
 * What do you mean by “organic”? Are they sprayed with pesticides too? What makes them “organic”?** Once the wind blows pollen from the gm food into the organic field they crops become cross contaminated and could eventually ruin all crops.
 * Have people tried to find ways to stop this? If they have but the methods have failed, that can help your point.** Also, although gm foods promise to be pest resisent, like the pest grow to be immuned to certain pestisidies they can become immuned to the harmful plants too.
 * Has there been any evidence of this? If so, where can you find it? When making statements like that, back it up with evidence. Evidence is key in an argument essay to give you strong points.** America is the leader in the production of gm foods because of their promised of better, larger foods that require less time spraying.
 * Where are you going with this sentence? It seems out of place in the paragraph.**

How can one be sure that genetically modified foods are safe to feed to one's family when scientist can't een calculate a reaction?
 * My only issue with this statement is the fact that you only use one study, and then make a rather sweeping statement about scientists’ shortcomings. I am not disputing your claim; I just think it’s a rather large one to make when in your essay you base it off of one study. It seems to me more opinion than a supported question.** Most countries believe that gm foods are dangerous and should be stopped, but when America produces the most of these foods, how can it stop?
 * After reading this point, I feel like the last sentence in the previous paragraph belongs more here. I love the point you make in this conclusion, though! Perhaps if you want to go even farther, you can think about if there are any solutions that you or someone has proposed and report on them as an alternative.**

<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Smith, Jeffrey M. “GENETICALLY ENGINEERED FOODS May Cause Rising Food Allergies.” Total Health 29.4 (2007): 40-42. Health Source – Consumer Edition. EBSCO. Web. 6 Jan. 2011.


 * Sierra,**


 * This is an interesting essay! You bring up some good points, and I especially love your opening paragraph. You’re getting so much stronger with them! So yay to you on that point. Anyway, I think the one main thing to think about for your next draft to help better your essay is support! When you are writing an argument essay, support to your reasoning is everything. Without strong support to your claims, then the essay falls flat, validity-wise. You ask really good questions and I love the use of the study. Look where I posed questions. I mention certain points that I think will really help like looking at how the gm foods have effected humans or how negative of an effect the foods had on the mice/rats.**


 * ~Lauren**

Everyday there are new scientific discoveries in the world that make our lives easier, but are all these advances healthy? New studies have beem genetically modifying our fruits and vegetables to make new, better, larger products. **Why do they [the scientists] do this? How are GM foods supposed to help us? Is there any other purposes besides making them resistant to pesticides?** Scientists extract genes from things like other produce or animals, and inject them into a fruit or vegetable. In doing so, scientist can make produce that is resisent to pest without the use of pestiscides. The general population has mixed feelings on using gm foods.Some people feel like it is a good way to make crops larger in a shorter time frame, but others feel that it might be dangerous to eat these new genes. When producing genetically modified or gm foods, scientists extract a desired gene from one organism and inject them into another, hoping the desired gene will be expressed in the gm organism. For example, some plants naturally detour certain pests from them, so it would be desired to use that certain gene in another plant so pesticides will not have to be used so much. **This is a good description of how the genetic modification is supposed to work! It's good that you explain it more in depth so people [like me] who know nothing about science can get a better understanding of gm foods and the aim behind them [how it all works].** Although scientists feel these gm foods are safe to eat, but this is not always the case. **Are these two paragraphs supposed to be one? Which one is your introduction if they are not?**
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.05.11; **171** due 04.08.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

In 2007, scientist in Austrailia took genes from a kidney bean and injected them into a pea. The scientists hoped to use the insecticide producing gene from the kidney bean to keep the pea weevil from harming the pea plant. **What is a "pea weevil"? What does it do to the pea exactly?** It genetically altered the plant by placing the new insecticide in the pea's DNA. After passing the standard tests used to determine whether a gm food is safe to produce commerically. **This sentence seems unfinished. At first read, it sounds like the beginning of a good** Scientists extract genes from things like other produce or animals, and inject them into a fruit or vegetable. In doing so, scientist can make produce that is resisent to pest without the use of pestiscides. The general population has mixed feelings on using gm foods. Some people feel like it is a good way to make crops larger in a shorter time frame, but others feel that it might be dangerous to eat these new genes. When producing genetically modified or gm foods, scientists extract a desired gene from one organism and inject them into another, hoping the desired gene will be expressed in the gm organism. For example, some plants naturally detour certain pests from them, so it would be desired to use that certain gene in another plant so pesticides will not have to be used so much. **This is a good description of how the genetic modification is supposed to work! It's good that you explain it more in depth so people [like me] who know nothing about science can get a better understanding of gm foods and the aim behind them [how it all works].** Although scientists feel these gm foods are safe to eat, but this is not always the case. **Are these two paragraphs supposed to be one? Which one is your introduction if they are not?**

In 2007, scientist in Austrailia took genes from a kidney bean and injected them into a pea. The scientists hoped to use the insecticide producing gene from the kidney bean to keep the pea weevil from harming the pea plant. **What is a "pea weevil"? What does it do to the pea exactly?** It genetically altered the plant by placing the new insecticide in the pea's DNA. After passing the standard tests used to determine whether a gm food is safe to produce commerically. **This sentence seems unfinished. At first read, it sounds like the beginning of a good sentence, but then it just ends. Was that your intention? And what exactly are these "standard tests"? What do they involve? How accurate are they in order to ensure our health?** The scientist got curious and decided to se what affect it would have on a mouse. **Did they never think to test it on animals beforehand? Did they just assume it was good and give it right to humans?** After feeding mice the gm peas, the mice's infamatory response was triggered, suggesting that it could casue allergic reations in humans. **Why?** Since there was no negative response when the mice were feed normal peas and kidney beans, they determined that the response was due to the forgein gene in the pea. Since a new organism was producing the gene it could be produced slightly differently. **What do you mean by this? What is the point of this sentence? What is the point of "producing it [the gene] slightly differently"? Where are you going with this thought?** There was also a test on gm potatoes which had an insecticide injected into it. The potatoes tested severly harmed the rats, causing significant damage to their interal organs and immune system. Austrailian scientist concluded that when injecting forgein genes into other organisms the reaction in the organism is extremely unpredictable.(Smith) When the organisms reaction is unpredictable, how can we predict human reaction to the gm foods. **I really do like this question.** "According to GM food safety expert Arpad Pusztai, 'a consistent feature of all the studies done, published or unpublished... indicates major problems with changes in the immune status of animals fed on various GM crops/foods.' (Smith)"

Although there are no published studies that have a direct relation to negative affect on humans and gm food, it is not to say that it doesn't exsist. **What doesn't say?** Since gm foods have been comsumed publicly millions of people have been hospitalized and millions have also died, says Dr. Judy Carmen. **Source? Who is Dr. Judy Carmen? What makes her an expert in the field to make a statement like that?** Since we do not know the exact response in humans to gm foods we cannot rule it out though. Before AIDS/HIV became a well known deadly diease in America, no one knew what exactly was causing so many deaths and sicknesses. In past years, allergies have heightened. **You suddenly bring up allergies here without provocation. How do they play into GM foods? Go more into this if this is a side effect or something, for example. It can help your argument.** Since heighted allergies was also seen in scientific studies maybe this could be a resultant? **You last question seems weak. "Maybe" makes it sound like you are meekly posing the question, when your past ones were so strong and sure of themselves! Be sure of yourself when you ask a question, especially in an argument essay. Know what you are asking and why you are asking it. No matter the outcome with the question, in your own essay it is better to know why you are asking something and stand behind it.**

Dr. Carmen also touches on the fact that in America, companies are not required to label products that contain gm foods in them. **Where are you getting this from? When you bring in new people, introduce them. Don't assume people have read the articles and know who you are talking about. In the quote at the end of your second paragraph, see how Arpad Pusztai is introduced as "GM food saftly expert"? That helps to know him and give him credibility. In an argument essay, make sure to demonstrate your sources credibiilty like that, because otherwise you could just be quoting anyone, even making it up yourself. I'm not saying that you are, but the reader doesn't know that. They only know what you tell them in your essay.** In a country like America, with a great sense of freedom, why do Americans not have the choice to decide whether or not they would like to consume gm foods? **Don't they? Can't they just not buy them?** Since gm foods are not tested on humans, labels would be a good safety feature for citizens. **Why? This is a great example for an improvement, but go into why.** New studies are hard to get funding for, and that is why gm foods are so under studied. **Is there a reason behind the lack of funding?** This is also why most studies come out of Australia. Western Austrailia has been giving a lot of funding to gm foods, which is interesting considering America is the largest producer of gm foods. **Good point.** Although some say gm foods are safe how can we ever be sure when most scientist can't calculate a cumlative response?

<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Smith, Jeffrey M. “GENETICALLY ENGINEERED FOODS May Cause Rising Food Allergies.” Total Health 29.4 (2007): 40-42. Health Source – Consumer Edition. EBSCO. Web. 6 Jan. 2011.

Roseboro, Ken. "Scientist: GM Food Safety Testing Is "Woefully Inadequate"" //Organic Consumers Association//. Web. 05 Apr. 2011. <http://www.organicconsumers.org/articles/article_16236.cfm>. Everyday there are new scientific discoveries in the world that make our lives easier, but are all these advances healthy? New studies have beem genetically modifying our fruits and vegetables to make new, better, larger products.Scientists extract genes from things like other produce or animals, and inject them into a fruit or vegetable. In doing so, scientist can make produce that is resisent to pest without the use of pestiscides. The general population has mixed feelings on using gm foods. ** It did it again, but at least now I know that it is a mistake, not intentional! ** Some people feel like it is a good way to make crops larger in a shorter time frame, but others feel that it might be dangerous to eat these new genes. When producing genetically modified or gm foods, scientists extract a desired gene from one organism and inject them into another, hoping the desired gene will be expressed in the gm organism. For example, some plants naturally detour certain pests from them, so it would be desired to use that certain gene in another plant so pesticides will not have to be used so much. Although scientists feel these gm foods are safe to eat, but this is not always the case.
 * Revision (2)**

In 2007, scientist in Austrailia took genes from a kidney bean and injected them into a pea. The scientists hoped to use the insecticide producing gene from the kidney bean to keep the pea weevil from harming the pea plant.** Why the kidney bean? Did they know that the gene would be helpful to specifically the pea? Or do pest-deterrent genes have more general preventive effects versus specific ones? **It genetically altered the plant by placing the new insecticide in the pea's DNA. After passing the standard tests used to determine whether a gm food is safe to produce commerically. ** This sentence still feels unfinished, like the beginning of a sentence without an ending. Did you mean to, like, connect it to the next sentence or was there an ending to the sentence? **The scientist got curious and decided to se what affect it would have on a mouse. After feeding mice the gm peas, the mice's infamatory response was triggered, suggesting that it could casue allergic reations in humans because it caused a reaction in the mice. ** What gives the scientists right to assume a direct correlation between something’s effect on mice and something’s effect on humans? Is it because we are possibly related? Something else? ** **What connects us with mice to uphold a scientific connection like that?** Since there was no negative response when the mice were feed normal peas and kidney beans, they determined that the response was due to the forgein gene in the pea. Since a new organism was producing the gene it could be produced slightly differently. Since the new gene is not orginally produced in the organism, when the DNA is replicated it could replicate it in a slightly different way producing a different gene. When the gene is produced differently it may have different effects. ** You can vary your word choice here. You use the word “different” four times in two sentences. You are good at word variety; use that strength here. **There was also a test on gm potatoes which had an insecticide injected into it. The potatoes tested severly harmed the rats, causing significant damage to their interal organs and immune system. Austrailian scientist concluded that when injecting forgein genes into other organisms the reaction in the organism is extremely unpredictable.(Smith) When the organisms reaction is unpredictable, how can we predict human reaction to the gm foods? "According to GM food safety expert Arpad Pusztai, 'a consistent feature of all the studies done, published or unpublished... indicates major problems with changes in the immune status of animals fed on various GM crops/foods.' (Smith)"

Although there are no published studies that have a direct relation to negative affect on humans and gm food, it is not to say that they are good for humans.In an interview about gm foods, Scientist Dr. Judy Carmen states, since gm foods have been comsumed publicly millions of people have been hospitalized and millions have also died. ** Was this supposed to be a quote? And do you have a source to cite for this statement of hers? It would be helpful to know where you got the information from her from. **Since we do not know the exact response in humans to gm foods we cannot rule it out though. Before AIDS/HIV became a well known deadly diease in America, no one knew what exactly was causing so many deaths and sicknesses. In past years, allergies have heightened. Since heighted allergies were also seen in scientific studies this could be related to the gm foods, such as in the pea.

Dr. Carmen also touches on the fact that in America, companies are not required to label products that contain gm foods in them. In a country like America, with a great sense of freedom, why do Americans not have the choice to decide whether or not they would like to consume gm foods? As of right now companies are not required to label foods containg gm foods. Since gm foods are not tested on humans, labels would be a good safety feature for citizens. New studies are hard to get funding for, and that is why gm foods are so under studied. Since people are donating money to the study they want to see that the scientist they are giving money to have a background knowledge or histoy with the field of study. Since no one will fund their first study, they cannot get the experience to recieve funding either. Its a catch 21 in the field. This is also why most studies come out of Australia. Western Austrailia has been giving a lot of funding to gm foods, which is interesting considering America is the largest producer of gm foods. Although some say gm foods are safe how can we ever be sure when most scientist can't calculate a cumlative response?


 * Sierra,**


 * As I told you one Monday, I really do love your essay, and the more you edit it, I think the more you improve with it. It is turning into a well-rounded essay, which is much improvement since the first essay you wrote! I told you all this on Monday, so I won’t go into it again. In terms of final thoughts on the paper:**


 * My questions now are just expanding questions, as I described to you on Monday as well. Read through your paper a couple of times to make sure it flows and that you catch any sentence or grammar flubs, and most importantly, that you are happy with it and there is nothing else you want to add. That’s really all I would say.**


 * Nice job with improvement!**


 * P.S.: I'm sorry my comments are so large. I can't figure out how to shrink them in this thing.**

<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Smith, Jeffrey M. “GENETICALLY ENGINEERED FOODS May Cause Rising Food Allergies.” Total Health 29.4 (2007): 40-42. Health Source – Consumer Edition. EBSCO. Web. 6 Jan. 2011.

Roseboro, Ken. "Scientist: GM Food Safety Testing Is "Woefully Inadequate"" //Organic Consumers Association//. Web. 05 Apr. 2011. [].
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; **171** due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Everyday there are new scientific discoveries in the world that make our lives easier, but are all these advances healthy? New studies have been genetically modifying our fruits and vegetables to make new, better, larger products. Scientists extract genes from things like other produce or animals, and inject them into a fruit or vegetable. In doing so, scientist can make produce that is resistant to pest without the use of pesticides. The general population has mixed feelings on using gm foods. Some people feel like it is a good way to make crops larger in a shorter time frame, but others feel that it might be dangerous to eat these new genes. When producing genetically modified or gm foods, scientists extract a desired gene from one organism and inject them into another, hoping the desired gene will be expressed in the gm organism. For example, some plants naturally detour certain pests from them, so it would be desired to use that certain gene in another plant so pesticides will not have to be used so much. Although scientists feel these gm foods are safe to eat, but this is not always the case.

In 2007, scientist in Australia took genes from a kidney bean and injected them into a pea. The scientists hoped to use the insecticide-producing gene from the kidney bean to keep the pea weevil from harming the pea plant. They hoped it the gene in the kidney could be placed in the pea so the pea would have a insecticide-producing gene that would detour the pea weevil. It genetically altered the plant by placing the new insecticide in the pea's DNA. After passing the standard tests used to determine whether a gm food is safe to produce commercially, the scientist got curious and decided to se what affect it would have on a mouse. After feeding mice the gm peas, the mice's inflammatory response was triggered, suggesting that it could cause allergic reactions in humans because it caused a reaction in the mice. Since there was no negative response when the mice were feed normal peas and kidney beans, they determined that the response was due to the foreign gene in the pea. Since a new organism was producing the gene it could be produced slightly differently. Since the new gene is not originally produced in the organism, when the DNA is replicated it could replicate it in a slightly different way producing a dissimilar gene. When the gene is produced another way it may have unusual effects. There was also a test on gm potatoes which had an insecticide injected into it. The potatoes tested severely harmed the rats, causing significant damage to their internal organs and immune system. Australian scientist concluded that when injecting foreign genes into other organisms the reaction in the organism is extremely unpredictable. (Smith) When the organism’s reaction is unpredictable, how can we predict human reaction to the gm foods? "According to GM food safety expert Arpad Pusztai, 'a consistent feature of all the studies done, published or unpublished... indicates major problems with changes in the immune status of animals fed on various GM crops/foods.' (Smith)"

Although there are no published studies that have a direct relation to negative affect on humans and gm food, it is not to say that they are good for humans. In an interview about gm foods, Scientist Dr. Judy Carmen states, “since gm foods have been consumed publicly millions of people have been hospitalized and millions have also died.”
 * Where is the source that you got this quote from? When you quote something, include the source. ** Since we do not know the exact response in humans to gm foods we cannot rule it out though. Before AIDS/HIV became a well-known deadly disease in America, no one knew what exactly was causing so many deaths and sicknesses. In past years, allergies have heightened.
 * Allergies to what? To food? To nature? To animals? ** Since heighten allergies were also seen in scientific studies this could be related to the gm foods, such as in the pea.
 * Why? How are allergies connected to gm foods? **

Dr. Carmen also touches on the fact that in America, companies are not required to label products that contain gm foods in them. In a country like America, with a great sense of freedom, why do Americans not have the choice to decide whether or not they would like to consume gm foods? As of right now companies are not required to label foods containing gm foods. Since gm foods are not tested on humans, labels would be a good safety feature for citizens. New studies are hard to get funding for, and that is why gm foods are so under studied. Since people are donating money to the study they want to see that the scientist they are giving money to have a background knowledge or history with the field of study. Since no one will fund their first study, they cannot get the experience to receive funding either. It’s a catch 21 in the field. This is also why most studies come out of Australia. Western Australia has been giving a lot of funding to gm foods, which is interesting considering America is the largest producer of gm foods. Although some say gm foods are safe how can we ever be sure when most scientist can't calculate a cumulative response?

<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;">Smith, Jeffrey M. “GENETICALLY ENGINEERED FOODS May Cause Rising Food Allergies.” Total Health 29.4 (2007): 40-42. Health Source – Consumer Edition. EBSCO. Web. 6 Jan. 2011.

Roseboro, Ken. "Scientist: GM Food Safety Testing Is "Woefully Inadequate"" //Organic Consumers Association//. Web. 05 Apr. 2011. [].

Sierra,

The essay has come a long way! I won't repeat everything I have said in the past, so this will be brief. Just read through it. If you are happy with everything, then you are set! I put in a few questions, though, for further explanation in the essay.

Lauren

P.S.: Sorry this is so late!


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **