Emily+Meyer+8-E.L.

ThanksRoosevelt Student: 8-E.L.


 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **

Hi Emma! I am a junior English and Secondary Education major at Drake University. I am really looking forward to working with you through Ex/Change Through Writing this semester. Hopefully, I will be able to assist you in becoming a stronger and more articulate writer!

It was my own high school English teacher that inspired me to become a teacher myself. Although her class was sometimes a bit overwhelming, I can honestly say that it prepared me for Drake. However, even more importantly, her class taught me the importance of expression though writing. Through writing, we are able to defend, question, examine, and expand our minds. I believe it is our responsibility as students (and has human beings) to do just that. On that note, there is no doubt in my mind that I will learn a great deal from //your// writing this semester!

Anyway, before I get off on a tangent, let me say again how privileged I feel to be working with you. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best, Emily

Hi Emily, I'm a junior at Roosevelt and I enjoy and participate in dance. Dance takes up a majority of my time and energy. I hope in the future to pursue dance and acting of some sort. AP Language and Composition on the other hand, is not my strongest subject. In my writings my vocabulary is very weak and it tends to make my writings look like freshman material. I also have a tendency to use the same words repeatedly in my writings as well. I hope that this semester you can help with my writings to make them stronger. Thank you!

Emma


 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; **171** due 01.28.11 **) **

Celebrities are famous for a good reason or sometimes can be famous in a negative way. Celebrities and pop culture affect our everyday lives in many ways. What we wear, what we buy, where we go and even our actions. Many people look up to celebrities and follow the trends they set even if they are good or bad. Sometimes their bad actions can be glamorized in the media setting bad examples and messages to people. Generally celebrities are famous, rich and popular or well known.


 * Emma, **


 * I really like the word you decided to define. You have a wonderful start for you definition paper. Here are some things you might think about: **


 * **The prompt that you were given asks to define the term with a clear and basic definition. In this paragraph, you spend a lot of time concentrating on what celebrities MAY have an affect on. Though I DO find this part of the paragraph very effective, you might consider adding a more concise definition to //open// your paper. Your last sentence is //"Generally celebrities are famous, rich, and well known."// This is an incredibly clear and concise sentence. Perhaps you could begin your paragraph with something similar to this? Otherwise, it seems that the purpose of this essay is to discuss how celebrities might affect our every day lives. Although I think that could be an interesting component of your paper, we want to make sure //defining// a "celebrity" is the focus.**
 * **What kinds of things does one do to become a celebrity? It might be helpful to consider what kinds of things people are famous for. Jobs, lifestyles, families, etc.**
 * **I am fascinated that you mention that celebrities can be famous "in a negative way." What do you mean by this? Do you mean to say that a person can become a celebrity because they are known for doing something wrong?**
 * **Who gets to decide if someone is a celebrity or not? Is it the decision of one person or many? You mention, "//Sometimes their bad actions can be glamorized in the media, setting bad examples and messages to people."// Does this mean that the media gets to decide who "celebrities" are... or is the people that are watching the media?**
 * **This is a great start. I know that you wrote in your letter back to me that you do not feel confident in AP Language. I just wanted to point out that you have MANY great ideas here. You have chosen a complicated thing to define. It is is quite subjective, making it difficult to write a concrete definition. However, I think you have done a wonderful job so far. If you have any questions for me, I will be checking this all weekend. Don't hesitate to write back if I was unclear or you just want an opinion! I can't wait to meet you on Monday! :)**


 * Emily **


 * Revision - Definition ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 01.31.11; **171** due 02.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Definition ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.02.11; **171** due 02.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Celebrities are famous for a good reason or sometimes can be famous in a negative way. Celebrities and pop culture affect our everyday lives in many ways. What we wear, what we buy, where we go and even our actions. Many people look up to celebrities and follow the trends they set even if they are good or bad. Sometimes their bad actions can be glamorized in the media setting bad examples and messages to people. Generally celebrities are famous, rich and popular or well known. A celebrity can be anyone, an everyday person. Everyone has their own perception of a celebrity. Celebrities can be related to pop culture or even just a popular person in the community can be considered a celebrity. To become a celebrity a person has to do something that makes them known and popular to a lot of people. Whatever they do to make themselves popular can be a good action or bad. The flight attendant from Jet Blue airlines made himself a celebrity by jumping out of a plane after passengers on the plane were being rude to him. Although he did not purposely plan out the action he made himself a celebrity because the event was publicized. What he did wasn't necessarily good but some thought what he did was what they would have done themselves. Other people in history have made themselves a name for illegal actions such as Charles Manson for the Manson murders he took part in. His case is still known today and many people know about it. The action he did made him a celebrity to some. Celebrities are an opinion to people Who a celebrity is depends on the person your asking. Its all an opinion of who is famous in your mind.

Celebrities are famous for a good reason or sometimes can be famous in a negative way. Celebrities and pop culture affect our everyday lives in many ways. What we wear, what we buy, where we go and even our actions. Many people look up to celebrities and follow the trends they set even if they are good or bad. Sometimes their bad actions can be glamorized in the media setting bad examples and messages to people. Generally celebrities are famous, rich and popular or well known. A celebrity can be anyone, an everyday person. **You say that generally celebrities are famous, but that celebrities can be an "everyday person." What do you mean by "everyday person"? Do you mean someone that is not "famous, popular, or well known"?** Everyone has their own perception of a celebrity. Celebrities can be related to pop culture or even just a popular person in the community can be considered a celebrity. **Are there different "levels" of being a celebrity?** To become a celebrity a person has to do something that makes them known and popular to a lot of people. Whatever they do to make themselves popular can be a good action or bad. The flight attendant from Jet Blue airlines made himself a celebrity by jumping out of a plane after passengers on the plane were being rude to him. Although he did not purposely plan out the action he made himself a celebrity because the event was publicized. ** In the last couple of sentences you used the word popular. You write that a person can be "popular" for doing something good and bad. Who defines what is good or bad? Would you use the word //popular// to describe this flight attendant? Or do you mean that the news story was popular? Is there a difference between being popular and being a celebrity? That is to say, could you be one and not the other? ** What he did wasn't necessarily good but some thought what he did was what they would have done themselves. Other people in history have made themselves a name for illegal actions such as Charles Manson for the Manson murders he took part in. His case is still known today and many people know about it. ** So do you think that the case is what is known and popular or that Charles Manson is popular? ** The action he did made him a celebrity to some. ** I do like this anecdote. It supports that a person can be a celebrity for a negative action. ** Celebrities are an opinion to people Who a celebrity is depends on the person your asking. Its all an opinion of who is famous in your mind. **It would be interesting to explore how different people define celebrities. You mention many times that the definition of a celebrity depends on the person defining it. However, what are some of the reasons for that? You seem to mention some definite requirements for being a celebrity. You use the words "popular and known." However, how are even things defined differently from person to person? Or perhaps even from culture to culture. You end that "Its all an opinion of who is famous in your mind" and although I do agree with that statement to an extent, I would also encourage you to delve into that statement more. How might "celebrities" differ from cultures, generations, or even local communities?**

**Emma,**

**You have so many wonderful ideas in this assignment. It is evident that you are very aware of the different things that might define a celebrity. I encourage you to go deeper into some already very critical thinking. I don't mean to overwhelm you with the questions and comments above, but rather to encourage you to take your thought process further. As a reader, you had me thinking about all of the questions above. Your writing had me considering many things that I had never considered before. For example, can a murderer be a celebrity? I think you are right in suggesting this, but to strengthen your writing, digging deeper into the concept would have been beneficial. In your paper you suggest many times that a celebrity is defined differently by different people. It would be interesting and quite effective to back this up. Do you mean culturally, socially, generationall, or maybe all? By considering the differences withing different demographic's definitions might help you to form a more specific defintion. I don't need to reiterate what I already wrote above, but I just wanted to further explain why I asked/said what I did.**

**I hope I have been a help to your writing. I want to reiterate that I am learning just as much from you as I hope you are from me. I am quite new at this response stuff, and I'm thankful to have you to help me. I want to assist you in the most effective way that I can.**

**I hope to hear from you soon.**

**Emily**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #1 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.08.11; **171** due 02.11.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; **171** due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * Hi Emma ** ! **I was so glad to meet with you again today. I'm not at home right now and I don't have my notebook with our notes from today...so I am going off memory! As promised, I wanted to post the categories that you brainstormed today.**

**-Good/Positively viewed celebrities (You thought of Oprah)** **-Bad/Negatively viewed celebrities (Charles Manson, etc)**

**-Climbing the ladder celebrities (We also talked about A-List, B-List, etc)** **-One hit wonders** **-Falling out celebrities**

**After our meeting, I was thinking about the situations in which people become celebrities. I mean, military heroes, reality TV stars, athletes, etc. I think these all fall into the categories you have already come up with- but I think it would be beneficial to brainstorm as many occupations/situations you associate with celebrities that you can. Another thing that you wrote in your definition paper was that "a celebrity can be anyone, an everyday person... even someone in a community" - I think you might be on to another category. Can we have celebrities just within our towns, schools, etc?**

**Anyway, I just wanted to remind you of what you brainstormed earlier. You had some excellent ideas. I'm sorry we didn't get to meet very long today! I'll be checking this often- so don't hesitate to ask questions! I'm excited for your rough draft! :)**

**Have a wonderful weekend, Emma!**

**Emily**

Celebrities There are many different types of celebrities in our society today. Who is a celebrity or not is a personal opinion to most. Some think celebrities are movie stars and people on t.v. but celebrities can be so much more than that. A celebrity can be an athlete, a serial killer, a person who owns a large company, a singer or even a person on Youtube. I like the youtube example. However, under which of your categories does a "youtube star" fall? Celebrities can be divided into numerous categories based on their actions or social status. Celebrities can usually be classified in one of two categories, good and bad. Who gets to decide what "good and bad" means? Is there a gray area? How might a gray area be categorized? After they are classified into good and bad they can be divided into smaller subcategories of who they are. What do you mean by "who they are"? Do you mean why they are considered to be celebrities or their personal backgrounds? There are the celebrities who do or have done bad actions to get themselves famous or maybe it just ended up that they got famous from it.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; **171** due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

The Illegals Are "The Illegals" people who have become famous strictly through their negative actions? For example, Lindsay Lohan is certainly known for doing things that our society doesn't approve of. However, she was first an actress. Is she considered an "Illega"l? The Celebrities that are already celebrities that do bad things This seems like a pretty general classification. Might there be a way to break it down more specifically? The Good action positive celebrities The Athletes The Movie and T.V. Stars The A-list B-list Stars The Others Specifically, what do you mean by this category? Would a "youtube celebrity" fall here?
 * The Bad**
 * The Good**

Emma,

You definitely have put some thought into categorizing celebrities! I definitely see potential in classifying celebrities as "The Good" and "The Bad." However, I think it might be beneficial to set some groundwork on these two terms. Who chooses what is "good" and what is "bad"? Also, it is possible that there might be some overlapping with how the categories are listed now? For example, would Tiger Woods fall under "The Good/The Atheles" category or "The Bad/The Celebrities That Are Already Celebrities That Do Bad Things" category? It might just be that you need to further hash out the explanations for your classsifications- but it is definitely something to think about when writing your next draft. I don't want to overwhelm you and I think you have a great start. Let me know if you would like more response before you final draft! :)

Emily


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; **171** due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; **171** due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

Can celebrities be role models to everyday people? Or are they just like us and we fanticize over their lives and what they're doing?** Who is the "we" here? Non-celebrities? ** Celebrities can be role models and inspire us to achieve our dreams and reach our goals. Some need a role model to motivate them to reach farther. Some think its overrated and dont need something like that. ** What do some think is overrated? Celebrities or role models? Why? **
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; **171** due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * Emma, **


 * I'm not sure where you are going with this yet. I'd love to get more for a rough draft so we work to get a thesis going. It seems like you are going to argue that either A) Celebrities can be role-models or B) Celebrities cannot be role-models. I'm a little confused, though, because then you discuss if people need role-models at all. When you say //"Some need a role model to motivate them to reach farther. Some think its overrated and dont need something like that."// Are you talking about role-models or celebrities? Or are you assuming them be the same thing? **


 * I think you have some good ideas- I'm just not sure at this point where you want to take this. Work on getting more of your rough draft completed. I think it is good your include both sides of your potential argument. As a good argument usually includes both sides. However, I'm just a little confused at this point. I'll be checking this daily. Please please please post more of your rough draft ! :) **


 * Emily **

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; display: block; font-family: Verdana,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px;"><span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;"> Role-model- a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can beemulated by others, especially by younger people. (Dictionary.com) <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Good to set a common ground of what a role-model is! When most people think of a role-model, a celebrity might come to mind. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">By saying "when MOST people think of a role-model" are you making a generalization? Can celebrities be considered role-models? Celebrities are glamorized the most in our society today. They are put under a microscope of the people and the media for us to judge and gossip about. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">How might this microscope effect this idea of a celebrity role-model? Sometimes celebrities don't make the right choices in life but are still considered role-models. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Can celebrities that make mistakes still be considered role-models? Can role-models make mistakes? There is a great amount of celebrities set good examples to people and the number of the good outweigh the bad. Natalie Portman started her career when she was 11 years old, and from there it launched into many movie roles. She put her busy career on hold to go to Harvard to get a degree in <span style="color: #000000; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;"><span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px;">psychology just to have a backup incase acting didn't get her far. Portman has earned many awards such as an Academy Award and a Golden Globe. Her actions throughout her life have not been negative like getting caught up in drugs and alcohol. In society she is a good role-model for someone to look up to. <span style="color: #097209; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;"><span style="background-color: #ffffff; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I really like this example. It didn't know that Natalie went to Harvard- and she is one of my favorite actresses.
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.05.11; **171** due 04.08.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">Emma, <span style="color: #097209; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I like the changes that you've made so far! It is evident now that you will be arguing that celebrities CAN be role-models. You have a great start here. I think bringing up the idea that celebrites are put "under a microscope" is a really wonderful point that you make. How can you spin this to make it part of your argument? These are some questions that I thought of after reading this part of your essay:

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;"> What happens when they are put under this "microscope" that you speak of? How might this idea of little privacy result negatively for a celebrity? What I mean to say is, do you think a celebrity has to be more careful about their actions than the average person? Are they more critically examined than the average person? Why or why not?

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">Like I said, you definitely begin this aspect of your argument- but you could dig deeper. Use the questions above to examine this microscope concept you have brought up! I think it could work to be a huge point of why celebrities can be considered to be role models- even if sometimes they are portrayed in a negative way.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">Another thing you might consider is how difficult it would be to be a celebrity. By discussing the different privacy issues, pressures, and rumors that celebrities often deal with, you might be able to continue strengthening your argument. Just an idea. At this point, continuing to hash out your argument is important. I think it is very wise of you to begin talking about what a role-model is in general. Perhaps examining this further- what are the requirements of a role-model? How do celebrities fulfill this role? Etc. Natalie Portman is a strong example- keep including great evidence. In your previous papers you talk about the different "categories of celebrities." It might be interesting to include examples of "role-model celebrities" from these different categories.

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">Looking forward to revision two! Great work, Emma. :)

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">Emily

<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">http://www.parentdish.com/2007/06/22/top-celebrity-role-models-for-girls/ <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; display: block; font-family: sans-serif,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; position: static;">http://articles.familylobby.com/507-positive-role-models-for-our-daughters.htm

= = <span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"> Role-model- a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can beemulated by others, especially by younger people. (Dictionary.com) When most people think of a role-model, a celebrity might come to mind. Can celebrities be considered role-models? Celebrities are glamorized the most in our society today. They are put under a microscope of the people and the media for us to judge and gossip about. Sometimes celebrities don't make the right choices in life but are still considered role-models. <span style="color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">Why do you think so? I know you go into an example, but what are some concrete reasons that celebrities deserve to be role-models?
 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (2) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.13.11; **171** due 04.15.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **
 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">There is a great amount of celebrities set good examples to people and the number of the good outweigh the bad. Natalie Portman started her career when she was 11 years old, and from there it launched into many movie roles. She put her busy career on hold to go to Harvard to get a degree in psychology just to have a backup incase acting didn't get her far. Portman has earned many awards such as an Academy Award and a Golden Globe. Her actions throughout her life have not been negative like getting caught up in drugs and alcohol. In society she is a good role-model for someone to look up to. However as she may be perceived as a "good" role-model, she became pregnant out of wedlock.To some thats not something to be admired for. ** **<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">I feel like this statement might be working against your argument. You end on this note-- and to readers that don't agree with you-- this might just give them another reason to believe celebrities can't be role-models. ****<span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Parents shake their heads at the celebrities their kids admire and how the media glamorizes bad behavior. Younger children especially often say they want to be like . Now if a child said they wanted to be just like Britney Spears when they grow up, a parent might step in and try to persuade them differently. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Are there celebrities that parents DO want their children to view as role-models? <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">In society people do not want to read about celebrities doing acceptable actions. People want to read about who got sent to rehab or what celebrity broke up with their boyfriend, it's sad but yet people act that way. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">How does this affect the way our society views celebrities? We don't want to hear the "good stuff" --so what happens when we only hear the bad stuff? <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Boys most often look up to big name rappers. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">This is a pretty big generalizations-- you might want to reword this so it doesn't seem so assuming. <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #333333; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;"> The media glamorizes the party life with the guys having multiple girls, drinking and most infamously, smoking weed. Is that any parents hopes of their child turning into? As the boys grow older they want to try to live that life like how they see in the media. I **

Emma,

It is obvious that you have done some research. I'm glad! You have some interesting examples and your thought process seems much farther along. There are a few things I think you could do to strengthen your argument, however. First of all, it seems towards the end that you almost completely change sides of your argument. You talk about society's desire to hear about "celebrities being sent to rehab or what a celebrity broke up with their boyfriend" -- and this is absolutely true. But how might you make this PART of your argument? For example, if you said something like, "because we are so concentrated on the negative- we miss the positive actions of celebrities" ... that would support your argument. However, right now, I think it works against it by discussing //only// the negative. The final part of your essay seems to do the same thing. You discuss how negatively rappers/Britney Spears are portrayed, but how does this SUPPORT your original claim that celebrities CAN make good role-models? I'm left feeling a little bit confused about whether or not I think celebrities can make good role-models.

I know that was some hefty critique up there- so I just want to say that I do think you have made some serious progress on this paper. One way to approach some of these issues is to reread your paper. After every sentence, consider whether it works FOR or AGAINST your argument. A lot of the things you say are true-- but they don't work towards your argument. In some cases, I think you can make them support your argument with a little more explanation as to WHY.

I don't want to overwhelm you-- so any other thoughts I had are questions I wrote in your essay. I'll be checking this-- so don't be afraid to ask questions before your final draft. I'd be happy to help.

Have a great weekend, Emma!


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; **171** due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Hi Emma, **


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">I have a favor to ask of you. It would seem that throughout this semester I could have done a better job at "mentoring" you through this process. Throughout the semester, although you did read my comments (and perhaps found them unhelpful) you did not typically use them in your revisions/final drafts. I am wondering if there is anything that I could have done that would have been more helpful for you. Perhaps it would be easier for you to acknowledge what I did that wasn't helpful. **


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Please be honest-- don't feel bad! I am currently writing a paper for Swilky that explores this experience with you. Remember, this was a learning process for me too. I just want to know if there is anything you would have wished I had done differently. **


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Thanks, **


 * <span style="background-color: #ffffff; color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 1em; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.25em; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 5px 3px; position: static;">Emily **

Hey Emily, Sorry about the old final I had posted on here that didn't have many revisions from my revision 2. I was actually in the process of writing my final draft but didn't complete it in time for the due date to be posted on here. So basically I just did re wrote it again because we get graded on if we post on time. I found your comments very helpful and I'm sorry it didn't show the first time around but I was working on this. I hope this new final show some improvements I've made from the revisions. Thank you so much for your help and I'm so sorry! Emma

Who is a role model? Opinion is the sole factor in determining who is a role model. Role models can be perceived differently by everyone. One persons perception of a role model may vary from another. I think you do a much better job of talking about the role of a role model in this final draft. It is interesting that you use a dictionary definition, but you also mention that someone else might define it differently. A role model is a person whose behavior, example, or success is or can be   be emulated by others, especially younger people (Dictionary.com.) The dictionary provides a    general definition of a role model but does not provide a list of examples, it is up to someone personally to find out who they admire as a person. Stereotypically, role models that first come to mind to many are usually someone famous or popular, a celebrity. Therefore, can celebrities be considered role models? Celebrities are put under the medias microscope for the world to see. They are like an   animal exhibited in a zoo on display for numerous amounts of people. Good analogy! In society, people pay attention to celebrities actions, what they wear and even what they eat. Growing up as children our favorite singer or actor was who we wanted to be when we grew older. It’s common for us to   “look up” to celebrities as a motivation and admirer for ourselves. However, various people would disagree and say that celebrities should not be considered role models based on the fact that celebrities can acquire a negative label from the media. The world of pop culture and the media primarily focuses on the negative actions of celebrities instead of the positive. No one wants to hear or read about celebrities doing good for the world, instead people want to hear what celebrity couple broke up, or who got sent to rehab. Very effective that you talk about celebrities are under "microscopes" and then discuss why this often prevents them from being viewed as role models. Nice work! Natalie Portman is a prime example of a celebrity who has held herself well in Hollywood without the bad reputation to carry as well. Even prior to becoming an actress with her future in front of her she went to college at Harvard and graduated with her degree in psychology. She represents an admirable celebrity who has stayed away from the “bad” side of Hollywood and has maintained a stable career. Countless amounts of other celebrities have done the same, Oprah, Princess Diana, the Jonas Brothers, Ellen Degeneres and Taylor Swift. Although these celebrities haven’t done harmful actions, “bad” celebrities can still be considered role models too, it all depends on who is answering the question. What do you mean by "bad"? A number of teenage boys today say their role models are rap artists. Lil’ Wayne is a   talented, successful and popular rapper of today but he has been arrested various times for associations with drugs. As many, including parents would say no to him being a role model, he   is admired and looked up to by fans. Why do you think he is still looked up to? ...... This is a very interesting aspect that I'm glad you brought in to your final draft. It is an effective way to talk about negatively viewed celebrities without discrediting your argument Celebrities as role models is an opinion more than anything else. Anyone can be a role model, this including celebrities. Society focuses on the negative actions of celebrities and misses the positive actions they can have as well.

Emma,

Thank you very much for responding to my questions. You have a fine paper above-- I definitely think it is your best work this semester. In this final paper, you do a much better job of talking about both sides of the argument without discrediting yourself. You do this from the very beginning when you discuss that a role model can take different shapes for different people. You do a nice job of bringing in different examples and perspectives as well (Natalie Portman, Lil Wayne, parents, kids, etc). I think this is also a very effective part of your paper.

I hope that this has been a positive experience for you, I definitely feel like I have learned a lot. It was lovely meeting you. Good luck with your senior year of high school! :)

Emily <span style="color: #097209; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **