Alysse+Gear+6-S.G.

Roosevelt Student: 6-S.G.


 * Letters of Introduction ( **due 01.21.11 **) **

Alysse- Hello! My name is Sarah and I am a junior at Roosevelt. I have lived in Des Moines my whole life and I am the youngest of four. At first I can be pretty shy, but once you get to know me you will see that I am actually quite social. I really enjoy working with others, so this is a great opportunity! My two biggest passions are art and photography and I hope to attend one of the Art Institutes after high school. I also am hoping to study abroad for a couple of years, preferably France. This year I am currently enrolled in my third year of drawing and painting and my first year of photography.

As for my feelings toward writing, I actually love to write but I know I have a lot more to learn. I am looking forward to learning from your experience and expanding my writing styles. Thanks in advance for all the help I will be receiving from you this semester!

-Sarah

That sounds very interesting...can't wait to meet you!

//Hi Sarah,//

//As you know, I'm Alysse. It’s only the first week of my class, but I am so excited to get to know you and your writing; I look forward to helping you grow and improve, like you said. I view writing as a way of learning; a way of putting together your ideas in your own way; a way of sharing your personal interpretations of ideas.//

//At Drake, I'm a senior and my majors are magazines and English. I chose these because they involved reading, writing, researching, and working with people. I'm an only child, and I am actually quite outgoing so we can probably both learn from each other! Some of my other passions outside school include traveling, learning about the environment, and volunteering for the Animal Rescue League here in Des Moines. Have you ever been there?//

//I also really enjoy making art and doing photography—I took a photography class when I studied abroad in Italy! I love that you mentioned that you want to do that, and I hope you get the chance to head overseas. France sounds like a beautiful place to choose, and I (though I am biased) would think Italy would be a wonderful place to pursue your artistic talents as well.//

//Despite my love of traveling, I grew up in the same house for 17 years in Franklin, Wisconsin, just outside Milwaukee. I will probably go back in that direction after college or to Chicago—that would be my dream. I’m not exactly sure what I want to do after I graduate in May, but hopefully this course and my others this semester will help me figure it out.//

//I look forward to meeting you in person in a few weeks, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend.//

//You can contact me at alysse.gear@drake.edu any time you want.//

//Sincerely,// //Alysse//


 * Rough Draft - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.27.11; **171** due 01.28.11 **) **

Life; one of the most difficult and most broad terms to define. There is no straight forward answer or simple characterization. From every action one makes to daily natural occurrences, life and existence are defined. Although there are many obstacles to face, humans have more power over the course their lives take than they realize. It all comes down to the choices one makes and how they choose to live to fully define existence.

From a child's perspective life is effortless, full of adventures and an eagerness to learn. They do not find themselves questioning the reasoning behind everyday happenings. Instead, they are dreaming of the day they will achieve the unthinkable. From where they stand anything is possible, all they need to do is try. Yet eventually, that child grows up and faces obstacles that turn their whole viewpoint around. There is suddenly more meaning to life and decisions to be made which direct them onto a whole different path. They lose sight of their goals and dreams and go with the flow of society.

At times, everyone will travel down the wrong road but what they do not always realize is that there is always a way back and that is life in it's simplest form; a place of chances, mistakes, and redos.

//Sarah,// //This is a very insightful essay—as a reader, I enjoy how you add a timeline to the concept of "life." I also notice the fluidity with which you define it.//

//I found myself wondering, however, how life and existence figure together. Are they synonyms, do they go hand in hand, does one determine the other? These are three ideas I gleaned from your essay, and there may be more "definitions" I may not have even realized. (Paragraph 1 was where I had this specific concern.)// //How can you define life more specifically? You've got great ideas, but the concept still doesn't feel concrete to me. However, is that your goal? Keep in mind your aim in defining life as you revise your paper. At times, I feel a bit foggy, but this concept is foggy, so is my reaction what you were looking for? I look forward to seeing your revisions and the direction this essay takes.//

//Alysse//


 * Revision - Definition ( ****RHS** due 01.31.11; **171** due 02.01.11 **) **

//Hi Sarah,// //How is your second draft coming along? Let me know if you'd like to use me as a sounding board for your next step in this essay.//

//Alysse//

Hey! Here's what I've been working on, I'm kind of having trouble with the introduction though...it doesn't seem to flow as easily as I would like:

Life; one of the most difficult and most broad terms to define. **As a reader, this first sentence alerts me immediately to the topic and its uncertainty. What purpose does it serve you to start this way?** There is no straight forward answer or simple characterization. From every action one makes to daily natural occurrences, life and existence are defined. **Now you group life and existence together. Are they inextricably linked? How do the two figure together?** Although there are many obstacles to face, humans have more power over the course their lives take than they realize. It all comes down to the choices one makes and how they choose to live to fully define existence. **I know you're having trouble here in the introduction. It seems like you're trying to define life here all in this first paragraph and then you go into examples. Could you spread your definitions differently? Do humans have to factor into your definition of life? Is that constricting or does it make life more concise to define?**

From a child's perspective life is effortless, full of adventures and an eagerness to learn. **I think it flows well that you go from humans' choices to talking about children—they have so many choices in their future, so many paths. How can you develop both of these arguments more, or make them more cohesive? How do you want your paper to flow? Keep this in mind for your final draft.** They do not find themselves questioning the reasoning behind everyday happenings. Instead, they are dreaming of the day they will achieve the unthinkable. **Great point!** From where they stand anything is possible, all they need to do is try. Yet eventually, that child grows up and faces obstacles that turn their whole viewpoint around. They are faced with "life defining" or "life changing" moments upon which a person finds themselves bearing more meaning to life. **What kind of meaning? This is an interesting part because you say "more meaning to life"—when you're trying to explain life's meaning!** There are more decisions to be made which direct them onto a whole different path.

Most people lose sight of their goals and dreams and go with the flow of society and its ever changing ways. **Why do you think this?** Yet, society does not have to define every individual, athough it is a major part. Each person is capable of directing their lives in the direction they want, set their standards and morals, and ultimately create their own definition of life. **Strong ideas here.**

At times, everyone will travel down the wrong road but what they do not always realize is that there is always a way back and that is life in it's simplest form; a place of chances, mistakes, and redos. **As a reader, I'm not quite sure I understand this part. Are you saying you can always go back? To where? I'm a little confused—how can you strengthen your ending?**

//Sarah,// //Again, I enjoyed reading your essay, and I hope the comments helped inspire you. I feel like your definition of life is pretty broad, incorporating several facets that, to you, make up the meaning of life. If you were to read this as a person that has never heard the word "life" before, do you think you would understand?// //I will check this again over the weekend if you'd like more prompts or if you'd like to bounce some ideas off of me. I look forward to seeing the parts you improve and strengthen as well as those that you eliminate. Remember this is your definition. I think your voice comes through in the piece, and I want to enable you to make sure that fully occurs in this piece that's so tailored to your beliefs and experiences, if that's what you want. Good luck and let me know if you need anything else.//


 * FINAL - Definition ( ****RHS** due 02.02.11; **171** due 02.04.11 **) **

Life; one of the most difficult and most broad terms to define. There is no straight forward answer or simple characterization. From every action one makes to daily natural occurrences, life and existence go hand in hand. According to Webster's dictionary, life is defined as "the sequence of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual". Although there are many more aspects to life, the actions and happenings that make up a person’s being serve as the directions for which course their life will take.

From a child's perspective life is effortless, full of adventures and an eagerness to learn. They do not find themselves questioning the reasoning behind everyday encounters. Instead, they are dreaming of the day they will achieve the unthinkable. From where they stand anything is possible, all they need to do is try.

Yet eventually, these children grow older and face obstacles that turn their whole viewpoint around. They are confronted with "life defining" or "life changing" moments, which in turn creates a personal definition of life. From this point, most people lose sight of their goals and dreams and go with the flow of society and its ever-changing ways. Among all the hustle and bustle that a person finds themselves enduring, they are pushed along with the crowd unknowingly. Yet, society does not have to define every individual, athough it is a major part. Each person is capable of directing their lives in the direction they want, set their standards and morals, and ultimately create their own definition of life.

At times, everyone will travel down the wrong road and it is finding their way back to the right path that creates the outline of one's life. From there every element of life, may it include society or not, is added into the mix and life can be defined. Ultimatly, life is a personal definition that one must live to learn.

//Sarah,// //For your final draft, I see a lot of development from your first—and I'm not talking about length. You really built upon your ideas and made them resound within me as a reader; I really felt like I got what you were saying.//

//However, in the first paragraph, you said "From every action one makes to daily natural occurrences, life and existence go hand in hand," and I'm not quite sure, as the reader, what this means. But then your second paragraph really brings the point of "life" home. I still am left wondering **why** you feel things change so much into adulthood, but your conclusion wraps things up well. You sound so wise! And, in your third paragraph, you talk about people creating their own definitions of life, a thread I feel like you weave throughout the piece all the way to the end—a very valuable tool.//

//As your first assignment working with me, this essay really shows progress. I hope you can let me know what specifically helped you the most so I can tailor my other feedback to help even more.//

//Thanks for being so diligent. I look forward to your next piece.//

//Alysse//


 * REFLECTION #1 ****( ****RHS** due 02.08.11; **171** due 02.11.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

1.) I feel that what I improved on most was being able to expand my ideas to make my writing more in-depth.

2.) My Drake partner helped me think outside the box and strengthen my ideas which in turn strengthened my writing.

3.) Well....I should probably be more aware of the due dates that these are supposed to be on the Wiki haha. I also feel that I have a lot more to learn about improving my writing skills and expanding my thought process. My Drake partner is doing a good job of helping me with these two things already!

//Hi Sarah,// //I'm glad you already feel you're improving through our partnership—I am learning a lot from you, too! Before this experience, I wouldn't have known as concretely how to work with a writer to strengthen their writing. I hope I can continue helping you think outside the box to improve your writing and make it more in-depth, like you said. You said you improved most on being able to expand your ideas, and I see that progress as well. Let's keep going with this and grow even more! I look forward to moving on to the next assignment.//

//Have a great day and talk to you soon,// //Alysse//


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.16.11; **171** due 02.18.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

//Hi Sarah,//

//I hope things are coming along on your next piece—do you need anything to help you get started?//

//Alysse//


 * --Hey so I'm still a little confused on what I'm supposed to be doing exactly but here is what I'm getting out of it:**


 * It is common knowledge that life is categorized into various groups, depending on from what view point it is being observed. In order to accuratley sort certain beings into a category, one must understand what is meant by "being" and "reality" and how these two conform. From there, it is possible to branch off of an idea and place it into a certain class.**


 * There is the scientific categoriztion in which life is broken down into domains, kingdoms, phylums, classes, orders, families, genuses, and species. Yet, it does not stop being broken down at this point either. Subjects in life are then put into different categories depending on their specific classification. For example, a whale would be placed into the Animalia Kingdom since it is made up of many cells, ingests food, and is formed from a fertilized egg. Given these characterstics and understanding how it is living and being, makes it easier to categorize it.**
 * Unscientifically speaking though, there are seven "broad categories of life". These include the mental, physical, family, social, spiritual, career, and financial aspects which are for the most part self-explanatory. Among these groupings, common situations and occurences in life are arranged accordingly.**


 * --I will need help thinking of ways to broaden the examples I gave...maybe by then I'll have a better idea of how to structure this as well!**

//Alright, Sarah. Thanks for this first draft. You've got some really big, strong ideas here: the scientific categories and the seven broad categories of life. But how can you flesh these out more, examine them, really dive in? How can you make these "real" rather than just concepts on paper that you've been taught in your classes? I find it really relatable that you bring in concepts that so many of us are aware of but do not necessarily think about, but I think going beyond just stating their existence would be more rich, more powerful.// //What are you trying to get across in this essay? Keep that in mind when adding to it and crafting the words you choose to write the rest of it. However you choose to expand and develop this essay, remember the reader's perspective. What do you want them to take away from your essay?//

//I will talk to you more about this when we meet today, but I hope these questions and suggestions are helpful.//

//Alysse//


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 02.23.11; **171** due 02.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

It is common knowledge that life is categorized into various groups, depending on from what view point it is being observed. //Hmm...is it common knowledge? What makes it common knowledge? Why do you say this?// What purpose does that serve? //Think about this when you make statements like this. It's very clear and bold—Its effect on the reader is something you might want to think about.// In order to accurately sort certain things into categories, one must fully understand where and for what reason it is being placed. This action obviously involves using a person's knowledge and mental processes, which make up one of the most important functions in human beings. After all, people would not be able to live without the ability to think //Why?// and even though "thinking" seems so simple it is actually quite complex. //How?// Unconsciously, humans are able to think in many different ways. //Alright—this gets me wondering what you mean, and I read on with curiosity. Good job! Your introductory paragraph encompasses a lot and it makes me want to read on to figure out what exactly you mean. Are you trying to skim the surface and describe a lot, or are you going to go into depth? At this point in the essay, as the reader, I'm hoping you can make this distinction.//

One of the ways in which one can think is through storytelling. When a person is using this thought process, they think in narratives, creating ideas with distinct beginnings, middles and ends. Their thoughts usually surface from past experiences and lessons and include vivid examples.

Then there are the visually minded who produce their best ideas visually. They tend to think on a larger scale, but through images. For example, those who have photogenic memory are visual thinkers since they can picture an image or idea in their head and put it down on paper.

There are also those who are systems oriented. These people strive to find relationships between things by mapping out and figuring how parts relate and fit with each other. Those who work with computers and any other technology tend to think in this way in order to create products that work together and function accordingly.

Somewhat like system oriented thinkers, associative thinkers look for patterns among things. They are quite different though, for they tend to lay out ideas in a very chaotic manner but stay within their thought boundary by only making associations between a given subject and and present factors.

Logical thinkers break problems down and think them through, focusing on the choices and best decisions. Situations that involve logical thinking call for structure, choices of reasoning, and relationships between facts. This thought process is used, whether one is aware of it or not, on a daily basis.

Similar to logical thinkers are the organizers who take complex lists and simplify them by breaking them down. It is pretty self explanatory for those who think this way find it easiest to understand things by analyzing and grouping ideas by category.

Next comes the architectural thinkers who group thinks by hierarchy; least important to most. This makes sense for when an architect attempts to build something, they must start with an idea on paper and then move on to the actual structure from which they build upon.

Intuitive thinkers start with rough ideas in their head and branch off of it. They continually add onto their thoughts until they have formed a finished product. They know when their thoughts are complete when it feels complete to them.

Leaders are those who lay out their objectives and have a solid idea of where they want their ideas to end up. They do not necessarily chart or write out their goals, but through a determined state of mind complete their tasks. Since they have such a determined thinking strategy and ambitions, they stand out as the thought commanders.

Lastly, their are the visionaries who are similar to leaders but much more imaginative. These thinkers do not restrict their thoughts upon what is doable and instead tend to think outside the box. Given these characteristics they are able to lead others on with their thoughts, ideas, and opinions with none others standing in the way.

Obviously, there are many ways in which one can think and one does not have to stick with one method. In fact, the more ways in which a person thinks will broaden both their thought process and outlook on daily situations. //I like that you integrate the methods after separating them, showing the relationship between them—it really helps me to visualize all of these methods and the ways they work together.// Also, taking note of other's methods and interacting with those who think differently will give one a piece of mind they may not have acquired before.

//Sarah,//

//This is a really interesting read! It flowed well from style of thinking to style of thinking. I think if you go back to it after not looking at it since yesterday you may find some places where you can flesh your ideas out more.//

//One thing I kind of have trouble with as the reader is the fact that many of your ideas are so abstract. You reveal so many styles of thinking, however, and they are applicable to __so__ many situations—I just wanted to point this abstractness out to you. It is more chock full of ideas than concrete facts—that's what I get out of the essay.//

//How do you think it is going? What parts are you happy with? With what parts are you most satisfied?//

//I hope you are feeling good about this. Let me know if you need more feedback before the final!//

//Alysse//


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Classification/Division ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.01.11; **171** due 03.04.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * Hey thanks for your thoughts on my revision! I'm having trouble expanding on the different ways a person can think though... as a reader does it make sense how these are all different or no? Are there specific things you would want to know more about?**

//No problem, I'm so glad to help. These are nicely differentiated, and I understand the "borders" between them; I am pretty sure I understand what makes each method of thinking special.//

//Though you do address the relationship between the two, one thing I have trouble with as the reader is understanding the link between life and thinking. When I was really getting into the essay, I remember checking in with myself and thinking—hey, I thought this was about life. Is there any way in the introduction you could make this a little bolder, clearer, more obvious? How can you show their relationship more? Do you want to have that be a big emphasis—life? Or are you only mentioning it because it was your original topic? Try to envision your main goal in your writing. Does life really play into it? Do you think it adds to or detracts from the strength of your claim?//

//I suppose one "thinker" I was wondering about was the "leader." Can you explain how that's a type of thinking more?//

//Overall, I still think this flows well and is very enlightening. I only hope to help you make it even better. Let me know if you have any questions this weekend.//

//--Alysse//

It is common knowledge that life is categorized into various groups, depending on from what view point it is being observed. The many different ways life could be classified seems endless, and in a sense it is. For example, life is in itself existence, so that makes up people, places, objects. From there it can be broken down even more since there are billions of people that make up the world population, countless countries, states, cities, etc. that make up the places in which people live, and everyday objects that people find themselves bringing into their daily lives. The ability to break these subjects down and categorize them obviously involves using a person's knowledge and mental processes, which make up one of the most important functions in human beings. After all, people would have a difficult time getting through life without the ability to think and differentiate one idea from another. And even though "thinking" seems so simple it is actually quite complex because unconsciously, humans are able to think in many different ways.

One of the ways in which one can think is through storytelling. When a person imagines a story, they usually assume there has to be a point from which it starts, information forming in the middle, and an obvious ending. So presumably, this is exactly how a person's though process works when they think in a storytelling mode. They create ideas with distinct beginnings, middles and ends, surfacing their thoughts from past experiences and lessons and tend to include vivid examples.

Then there are the visually minded who produce their best ideas visually. They tend to think on a larger scale, but through images. For example, those who have photogenic memory are visual thinkers since they can picture an image or idea in their head and put it down on paper.

There are also those who are systems oriented. These people strive to find relationships between things by mapping out and figuring how parts relate and fit with each other. Those who work with computers and any other technology tend to think in this way in order to create products that work together and function accordingly.

Somewhat like system oriented thinkers, associative thinkers look for patterns among things. They are quite different though, for they tend to lay out ideas in a very chaotic manner but stay within their thought boundary by only making associations between a given subject and and present factors.

Logical thinkers break problems down and think them through, focusing on the choices and best decisions. Situations that involve logical thinking call for structure, choices of reasoning, and relationships between facts. This thought process is used, whether one is aware of it or not, on a daily basis.

Similar to logical thinkers are the organizers who take complex lists and simplify them by breaking them down. It is pretty self explanatory for those who think this way find it easiest to understand things by analyzing and grouping ideas by category.

Next comes the architectural thinkers who group thinks by hierarchy; least important to most. This makes sense for when an architect attempts to build something, they must start with an idea on paper and then move on to the actual structure from which they build upon.

Intuitive thinkers start with rough ideas in their head and branch off of it. They continually add onto their thoughts until they have formed a finished product. They know when their thoughts are complete when it feels complete to them.

Leaders, who can also be referred to as strategic thinkers, are those who lay out their objectives and have a solid idea of where they want their ideas to end up. They do not necessarily chart or write out their goals, but through a determined state of mind complete their tasks. Since they have such a determined thinking strategy and ambitions, they stand out with their ideas and boldness.

Lastly, their are the visionaries who are similar to leaders but much more imaginative. These thinkers do not restrict their thoughts upon what is doable and instead tend to think outside the box. Given these characteristics they are able to lead others on with their thoughts, ideas, and opinions with none others standing in the way.

Obviously, there are many ways in which one can think and one does not have to stick with one method. In fact, the more ways in which a person thinks will broaden both their thought process and outlook on daily situations. Also, taking note of other's methods and interacting with those who think differently will give one a piece of mind they may not have acquired before.

//Note on Monday://

//I saw that you made a few more edits, like the "Leader" ones—they look good. Do you have any more questions?//

//Alysse//


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #2 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.22.11; **171** due 03.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Rough Draft - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 03.30.11; **171** due 04.01.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

There are many subjects society finds argumental (argumentive?)**(different word here? are you thinking about controversial, or...? I think I know what you're trying to say, try thesaurus.com!),** and the controversy between the rights and wrongs of abortion stand firm as one of the top debates. Both sides of this arguement contain reasonable justifications for their thoughts and ideas on the matter, but ultimatley it is up to every individual to decide which side they support. **This introduction gets across the idea that both sides have reasons and it's up to every person to decide where they stand; isn't every argument like that? Why is this one special?**

Those who are for abortion tend to lean towards the reasoning that every woman and man know what kind of life they would be bringing a child into if they chose to go through with a pregnancy. From this point, if they know they would not be able to provide a healthy life or if the woman knew she would not be able to keep herself healthy enough to protect the child in the womb, they should be given the option of abortion. There are also the circumstances that involve rape or insest. A woman or girl that has been raped should definitley be given the option of abortion for it was not conceptional sex. Also, it is scientifically proven a child will be born with defects if the parents preform incest. **Are you taking a stand on the pro-choice side, or are you only pro-choice in this circumstance?**

Then there are so who are against abortion, and they provide adequate reasoning as well. **Now that you already presented the pro-choice side and showed your opinion, I am not sure this part will be as convincing....** These people observe the fact that a baby in the womb receives fingerprints and a heartbeat early on and usually before a woman even knows she is pregnant; thus killing a living being. **Powerful image, Sarah. Can you elaborate on this? What about finding other sources? Do you understand or agree with this point of view in any circumstance? How can you utilize the "other side" to strengthen your argument? And why else might these pro-life people be against abortion? Where can you find more information about this?**

These are just my rough ideas, I know I'll need to add on some more. Do you have any ideas of what could make it more in depth though?


 * Hi Sarah,**


 * This is a good start—I see where you are going with both sides of your argument, and I can tell which side you are arguing as well. You clearly state a few circumstances for abortion and reasons against it. However, like you said, these are just rough ideas. Reading this essay gives me a taste of each side, but it also makes me want more. How do you think you can illustrate your side? Would an anecdote help, or would facts strengthen your argument in the way you want? Think about how your structure can best represent your argument. Great job acknowledging important parts of both sides.**


 * As for making it more in-depth, I think contemplating some of these questions would help as well as looking more into the issue—not just your thoughts and experiences related to it. Feel free to write on here with more questions!**


 * Great luck on your second draft. I am excited to read it!**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (1) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.05.11; **171** due 04.08.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

There are many subjects society finds controversial and the contention between the rights and wrongs of abortion stand firm as one of the top debates in society. Both sides of this arguement contain reasonable justifications for their thoughts and ideas on the matter, but like all arguements it is up to every individual to decide which side they support. It is not always easy to choose upon one belief over the other though, and in many cases it has to come down to a certain situation in order for a person to decide where they stand. **How does this introduction lead into your content? If your reader did not know this was an argumentative piece, how would they interpret this introduction in relation to your topic—abortion?**

Those who are for abortion **(Is anyone really "for" abortion? Or are they "for" a person's right to choose?)** tend to lean towards the reasoning that every woman and man know what kind of life they would be bringing a child into if they choose to go through with a pregnancy. From this point, if they know they would not be able to provide a healthy life or if the woman knew she would not be able to keep herself healthy enough to protect the child in the womb, they should be given the option of abortion. There are also the circumstances that involve rape or incest. A woman or girl that has been raped should definitley be given the option of abortion for it was not conceptional **(Conceptional?)** sex. Also, it is scientifically proven a child will be born with defects if the parents preform incest.

Then there are so who are against abortion, and they provide adequate reasoning as well. These people observe the fact that a baby in the womb receives fingerprints and a heartbeat early on and usually before a woman even knows she is pregnant; thus killing a living being. According to the Guttmacher Institute on the topic of Facts on Induced Abortion in the United States, approximatley 89% of abortions occur in the first trimester of pregnancy. **Wow—interesting fact.** About 23% of all pregnancies end in abortion in the United States with nearly half of these being performed by women 24 years and younger. Those who are pro-life find there to be no reason for a women to go through with abortion, especially since it is "never necessary to save a woman's life". **Hmm...this gets me thinking. What is the context of this? Is it really "never" necessary? Because I feel like it is—though I'm not extremely educated on all abortion circumstances. Sarah, how can you make this more knowledgeable? I feel like you have a really, really good base on each side of the issue. You also avoid generalizations very well in this draft. How can you enrich each side? How can you conclude your argument in a less abrupt fashion?**


 * Sarah, this is a great improvement, and I can tell you read my suggestions and guidance. Where do you feel your writing is strongest? Can you bring that strength out in the other parts, too?**

Source: [] --> **Thanks for listing your source! That information was helpful! Great job acting on the feedback I gave you before.**


 * I hope you can come to me with specific questions and ideas when we meet next week. I'd love to help you work through your writing. Maybe you can ask your teacher if we can use computers (well, my computer) and possibly you can even put your paper on the Wiki and we can work through it together. I'm not sure if that's allowed, since it's supposed to be more feedback & reaction, so only ask if you want!**


 * Can't wait to see you again!**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">Revision (2) - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.13.11; **171** due 04.15.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **

There are many subjects society finds controversial and the contention between the rights and wrongs of abortion stand firm as one of the top debates. Both sides of this arguement contain reasonable justifications for their thoughts and ideas on the matter, but like all arguements it is up to every individual to decide which side they support. It is not always easy to choose upon one belief over the other though, and in many cases it has to come down to a certain situation in order for a person to decide where they stand. **How does this introduction lead into your content? If your reader did not know this was an argumentative piece, how would they interpret this introduction in relation to your topic—abortion?** ^^I'm kinda confused what you're asking? Do you mean make it more apparent it's about abortion? **Yes, sorry for not being very clear. I was just asking how your introduction served your whole piece–it didn't seem to introduce the topic, just that people argue about some things.**

Those who are for the rights to abortion tend to lean towards the reasoning that every woman and man know what kind of life they would be bringing a child into if they choose to go through with a pregnancy. From this point, if they know they would not be able to provide a healthy life or if the woman knew she would not be able to keep herself healthy enough to protect the child in the womb, they should be given the option of abortion. **You say "they know"–how do you know they know? What purpose do these generalizations serve? How else might you express things that are accepted as facts? Try reading an argumentative piece that addresses both sides of the argument. What parts are most effective?** There are also the circumstances that involve rape or incest. A woman or girl that has been raped should definitley be given the option of abortion for it was not conceptual sex. Also, it is scientifically proven a child will be born with defects if the parents preform incest.

Then there are so who are against abortion that make up a majority of society today. These people observe the fact that a baby in the womb receives fingerprints and a heartbeat early on and usually before a woman even knows she is pregnant; thus killing a living being. According to the Guttmacher Institute on the topic of Facts on Induced Abortion in the United States, approximatley 89% of abortions occur in the first trimester of pregnancy. About 23% of all pregnancies end in abortion in the United States with nearly half of these being performed by women 24 years and younger. Most who are pro-life **Here, you make another generalization. You didn't make many changes from the previous draft so this might be the way you like it, but I still am wondering about the context of this. What pro-life sources have you been using? That might be valuable in your presentation of this side of the argument.** find there to be no reason for a women to go through with abortion, claiming it is "never necessary to save a woman's life". Yet, this statement serves to be quite debatable as well, which stirs up a whole new controversy.

Ultimately, it comes down to the situation a person faces in order for them to decide on which side of abortion they stand. **Is this an issue that people are on one side or another, or is there a spectrum of beliefs? Are some people in the middle? Think about that here.** There is also the pressure of society that can unconsciously be included in one's decision making, but overall everyone should be able to voice their opinion on the matter.


 * Good job, Sarah. Did you happen to read my note that I sent with your teacher last Wednesday?**
 * As I read your piece, I find myself being able to understand and relate to all the points you make, because you address both sides pretty well. However, one aspect keeps me outside the essay: I feel like you say a little about each side, the basics. When you read an argument, what convinces you most? I feel like you have improved and are getting at something with your outside information. Do you agree? Do you think it helps in your abortion essay? Do you want this piece to be more about the issue, or are //you// allowed to be in it? Right now, you're covering the basics of the issue, but I know your writing pretty well now, and I think you could go deeper.**


 * Let me know about the note, please!**


 * Thank you and hope to hear from you soon on here. I'll be watching for more questions and comments!**


 * Alysse**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">FINAL - Argument ( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.19.11; **171** due 04.22.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **


 * Thanks for all your help! And no...I never got a note but I'll be sure to ask her about it!**

There are many subjects society finds controversial and the contention between the rights and wrongs of abortion stand firm as one of the top debates. Both sides of this arguement contain reasonable justifications for their thoughts and ideas on the matter, but like all arguements it is up to every individual to decide which side they support. It is not always easy to choose upon one belief over the other though, and in many cases it has to come down to a certain situation in order for a person to decide where they stand. In a case dealing with abortion and deciding which side one wants to take, this is exactly the process by which people make their choice **(all people?)**.

Those who are for the rights to abortion tend to lean towards the reasoning that every woman and man know what kind of life they would be bringing a child into if they choose to go through with a pregnancy. From this point, if they know they would not be able to provide a healthy life or if the woman knew she would not be able to keep herself healthy enough to protect the child in the womb, this could be for mental or physical issues, they should be given the option of abortion if the situation is severe enough. There are also the circumstances that involve rape or incest. A woman or girl that has been raped should definitley be given the option of abortion for it was not //conceptual// **(is this really the word you want to use?)** sex. Also, it is scientifically proven a child will be born with defects if the parents preform incest. **You say in this paragraph that rape victims should definitely be given the opportunity to have an abortion. That is your opinion. Do you want that to be present in the conclusion, too, or is your main argument just that it's an individual choice? Either way works.**

Then there are so who are against abortion that make up a majority of society today **(How do you know they make up the majority?).** These people observe the fact that a baby in the womb receives fingerprints and a heartbeat early on and usually before a woman even knows she is pregnant; thus killing a living being. According to the Guttmacher Institute on the topic of Facts on Induced Abortion in the United States, approximatley 89% of abortions occur in the first trimester of pregnancy. **(How does this add to your argument?)** About 23% of all pregnancies end in abortion in the United States with nearly half of these being performed by women 24 years and younger. **(Wow, that's a really hard-hitting fact. How sad! Why do you have this in the pro-life section? It's a fact, so it can go anywhere. Think about its logical placement in your argument. Where can it be most effective?)** Most who are pro-life find there to be no reason for a women to go through with abortion, may that be for religious reasons, morals, or just personal thoughts or opinions. Some have even claimed that it is "never necessary to save a woman's life". Yet, this statement serves to be quite debatable as well, which stirs up a whole new controversy. **This paragraph as a whole has great points. What if you take one more look at it, this time looking at language and flow? Your ideas have improved greatly, and I get a sense that you tried to organize well, too. Before you hand it in, read it aloud. Do you like how it sounds? Is it easy to read, or do you stumble over some sentences?**

Ultimately, it comes down to the situation a person faces in order for them to decide on which side of abortion they stand. **(Great, clear sentence here. I can see where you are going.)** Since society is made up of so many different people, it comes at no surprise that there will be a whole spectrum of beliefs on the issue (Thank you for that saying :) **No problem, glad to help—this is great that you acknowledge again that this issue isn't black and white**. Although someone may stand firm with one belief on an issue, they could completely change their mind when given a different situation**.** There is also the pressure of society that can unconsciously be included in one's decision making, but overall everyone should be able to voice their opinion on the matter.

I don't feel that I'm really adding on what you're saying...because I guess I don't really know what all to add on. Did you want me to research a little more maybe?

**Sarah,**


 * More research never hurts. This is such an improvement! Overall, this is what I get out of it: There are two distinct sides on the issue of abortion and a spectrum in between those beliefs. And sometimes people change their minds in different situations. Ask yourself this: Is that what you are intending to have your audience think? (I'm not saying that negatively, just asking as an outsider. If that's what you want to put across, great job! If not, look at where you may have gone wrong.) Now, if it is good "as is," don't discount this chance to make it even better. I will keep checking this weekend if you want to run anything else by me.**


 * I have one thing I want to run by //you// before you turn this in. Your paper seems to be presenting a __whole__ argument: both sides. Starting in draft 2, however, you say this:** "There is also the pressure of society that can unconsciously be included in one's decision making, but overall everyone should be able to voice their opinion on the matter.**" I feel like that is the overarching point and it works as an argument: everyone should be able to voice their opinion.**


 * What do you think? Again, these things are my personal interpretations as a reader. I'm not saying anything is bad or wrong, because I really think your writing has grown even within the context of this piece. I just want to make you think. And I want to make sure you are also satisfying the parts of the assignments you need/want to complete.**


 * Good luck putting on the finishing touches!**
 * Alysse**


 * <span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">REFLECTION #3 ****<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">( **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">**RHS** due 04.25.11 **<span style="font-family: 'Lucida Sans Unicode','Lucida Grande',sans-serif;">) **